About Me

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Welcome to my humble abode. Feel free to sit down a while and warm yourself by my fire. I write here mainly to inspire, encourage, perhaps confront, to empower, and to change. If you leave with a lighter step, an answer to a question, really questioning long held ideas that may not be taking you where you need to go, or with a lot of new things to consider, I will have done my job. Please enjoy your stay. With love, ~Mother Star

Blog Archive

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

NEVER! GIVE! UP! - Entering 2015: Things I Am Thankful For

2014 has had its ups and downs, as we all have probably experienced.
Last year ended in a much worse state for me than this one, despite the setbacks of these past four months.
The last three months of last year were worse, and the first three of this year almost unspeakable.
One year ago, I was feeling like I was back where I started, except I had to keep reminding myself a couple of things were better and different, There was more of a beginning going on and more hope. I had an online job, editing video for a Doctor in MA who  was trying to help people get off of drugs. He was trying to get his message out, and I was one of the people trying to help him do it.
I/have more to be hopeful about now then I did then. Some of the progress I was pursing late last year, that was interrupted by sheer hell, is now being resumed in a different place, with a better support system. I was enrolled in Black Hawk College for graphic art, but had to drop the week before classes started. I could be returning to RCC on the 12th. I need to see if it will impact RCIA, hopefully not, and verify how I will get home from school if I take that fourth class that would put me at full time. and whether it is an option to go part-time if needed. If not,I will do it online, through Ashworth College.
I was going to do RCIA last year, but missed the first class and thought I had to be there for it to do it at all. Now I am doing RCIA which I had been wanting to get done for about two years.
The thing I am most thankful for is having people who love me,
I also have access to therapy.
It is almost certain I am going to buy this house. I have wanted a house of my own desperately since I was little. I have wanted this house since I started working on it in 2010. I'm just a few steps away from that, now.
I have found more direction for what to do with my writing, and am waiting to hear about whether or not I will be published. THAT has never happened before ever.
I have a piano in my house now, so when I can resume lessons and such, I have something adequate to work with. That was a huge obstacle that stood in my path for a long time.
Since about 2004 or 2005 I have been interested in doing real estate.
I have the know how to get started from nothing, although it will possibly take time to get that off the ground. I at least know how to do it and have the tools needed to succeed - except a respectable vehicle. That part is coming soon if I can get into RCC this year, which I most likely can.

If we do get the vehicle, it has to be a truck, so Matt and myself can do scrap metal as well. I am not against helping people move either, for some compensation.


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - The Book of Judith

Like the books of Job and Tobit , Judith is regarded as a work of fiction. This book makes the statements about the "historical value" of the deuterocanonical/apocryphal/anagignoskomenal writings sound funny. There is no historical value to it. It is loaded with blatant historical errors. Nebuchanezzer of Babylon carried the people of Israel off into captivity after they fell away from God for some time. So began the great exile, and I  think the first in their history after they settled the promised land. The book of Judith has Nebuchanezzer the king of Assyria threatening the people of Isreal and brutally conquering the surrounding nations and striking fear into all hearts right after Isreal returned from their exile. 
So much for historical value! Really!
The book is longer than the book of Tobit, sixteen chapters, but the synopsis need not be any longer.
The book of Judith - a worthwhile Read.

Here is a brief synopsis of the book of Judith:
The Assyrian king in the story, Nebuchanezzer, gets the idea he is going to be god, basically, and run the world. He sends letters to the kings of every other nation in the known world and orders them to serve him or else, since he's the new boss in town. Why? Because he said so, and that's that.
They all blew him off because he was just one man. This Nebuchanezzer assembles an army and conquers the nation next door, then the next one, and the next. His best general, Holofernes, gathers all his best men and campaigns across the known world until they come to Israel. Israel refuses to surrender.
Inside Israel, the whole nation without an exception, even foreigners who live with them, fast and pray and wear sackcloth and ashes and beseech God for help. High up in the mountains, a little town called Bethulia sits right on the border. Holofernes and the very strongest Assyrian armies are camped outside, demanding surrender or else. A mercenary who is native to the area tells Holofernes the short version of the story of Israel - from Abraham, to the exile, to the return. He basically said, "Unless they have provoked their God, do not attack them. You will lose, because their God will deliver them and destroy you."
This ticked off Holofernes, who order that this guy be taken into the little town and held there until the whole city was being slaughtered, and he would die with the town he appeared to be working for.
So a small unit of servants took the mercenary commander to Bethulia, but the townsfolk threw stones at them with such zeal, they left him in the ravine they'd taken shelter in and then retreated.
The townsfolk came down from the mountain to check things out, and found him there. They untied him, and took him before the town magistrate. After hearing his story and learning that he at least respected the power of God, the magistrate took the man to his own house and thanked him for his courage, and how he said what he'd said about their God and their people.
Unfortunately, other people from the surrounding countryside wanted to be in the Assyrians' good graces and advised Holofernes how to could take Bethulia without a casualty. The mountains were rough and hard to ascend, so take the springs at the foot,where the people went to get their water, and they would weaken and die from thirst. No need to waste any arrows.
So that is what Holofernes did.
After several days without water, the people were starting to panic.They confronted their magistrate and demanded that he surrender to the Assyrians, lest they should die of thirst. The magistrate said he would do so if God did not deliver them in five more days.
At this point, an extremely righteous and wise widow heard what had happened. She called the leaders of the city together and said they had no business putting a time limit on God and trying to be His boss/give Him ultimatums. They said they agreed, but they had no choice because the people were thirsty, panicked, and not thinking straight; they couldn't be reasoned with.
She said she wasn't going to tell them what she had planned, but she had a plan. She asked them to pray. She prayed like crazy. Then she removed her widows garments and dressed to impress. She was vary beautiful, and wealthy. she packed up some stuff and took one very lovely maidservant down to meet Holofernes. While flattering him like crazy and stating allegiance to his king/god, Nebuchanezzer, she said the story he'd heard about their God and their people was rue, but that the people had displeased God. She said she was a seer, basically, and would tell him when the time was right to attack. He agreed, and thanked her. She was favored by all who saw her, and Holofernes promised her safety. He then hatched a plan to get her to bed. He invited her to dinner, and she went, bringing her soft woolly reclining mat (her bed, I think). She sat on the bed and they ate dinner and he drank til he passed out. Nothing else happened, as he was so busy talking and drinking and stuffing himself that he passed about before anything else took place. She then cut off his head with his own sword, and carried it out of the camp with her maid.
She took the head to the magistrates. She told them to order the armies to mobilize as if to attack, but don't attack. The armies would look for Holofernes and not find him, and panic. Then, their armies should attack.
All this happened. When the Assyrian armies saw that their commander had been beaten, and were disgraced because their pride and strength had been bested by a woman, they did indeed turn and flee. The Israeli armies did indeed attack the retreating foe and win. Messengers were sent out to all the cities, including Jerusalem,and more Israeli armies came. They decimated the enemy and there was so much plunder, because the foe had conquered so many places already, there was plenty for everybody. The mercenary captain believed fully n God after he saw all this, and heard how Gd had helped and protected Judith and had delivered a nation through this small ton, from so great an army. je was circumcised and followed God the rest of his life.
There was tremendous celebration of this victory across the nation. Judith became a household name, and the high priest met her and blessed her in person. She inherited all of Holofernes' stuff. It took her several cart to move it.
Most of the final chapter is a worship song, said to be composed and sung by Judith herself.
She dedicated all Holofernes' things to God as an offering. Her fame never ceased, but grew. She ran her late husband's estate until she died, never marrying again even though she was proposed to many times. On her death she distributed her wealth among both her own and her husband's kindred. The whole country mourned. No one troubled the nation of Israel again until long after Judith's death.

Presumably, no one bothered Israel because they feared what God could do and the embarrassment of being brought down by just one person, and a female at that.
I don't think the book is true, obviously, and I do not know if it is inspired or not. My feminist tendencies could be pulling me either way, and so I am biased and I know it, so I will not try to judge that. I am certainly glad I read it and feel edified for having done so. I can say that much.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Monday, December 29, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - The Book of Tobit

The book of Tobit was canonized by the early church, the Orthodox Church, the Coptic Church, and the Roman Catholic Church, and was in both the Septuagint - the Greek Bible used by first century Christians -and the Latin Vulgate - the first Bible to be printed. It was declared not to be scripture by Martin Luther in the Middle Ages, and was removed from the actual printing of Protestant Bibles as late as the 1880s. The tens of  thousands of Protestant split-offs and divisions that are collectively classified as "Protestant" all left it out too. Thus, many people who were raised Protestant now know absolutely nothing of the book of Tobit; I didn't.

Like the book of Job, Tobit is considered by scholars to be a divinely inspired work of fiction (Catholic, Orthodox, and such scholars do. Protestant scholars have varying opinions, but at the very least say it has much merit and is very good spiritual reading even they are unsure or flat don't believe Tobit is scripturally authoritative like Job is). It has similar subject matter in that two of the characters, including Tobit, lose a great deal even though they are very godly and later pray that they might die, yet they are restored to joy again. Here is a synopsis of this 14 chapter gem.




Tobit was a Jew living in Nineveh. Most of his countrymen had become part of the dominant culture and forgot God, or all but forgot God. Tobit was one of a few, a remnant basically, who did not forget God. Tobit was very generous and God blessed him. He worked for the king, and was very highly trusted and favored. When the king died, his son turned out to be a very evil and inept ruler. He committed atrocities against many Jews, and left them to rot in the sun. Tobit went in secret, by night, and buried them.
Some others in court snitched on him for this. He fled for his life. All his possessions were confiscated except his wife and son. He had to stay in Media for years, separated from his wife and their only child. When he was finally reunited with his family, his celebration feast was interrupted when his son saw another Jew laying strangled in the road. Tobit immediately began burying the dead again, despite being mocked for it by the neighbors.
While he did so, a bird above him defecated into his eyes. His eyes became infected, and treatments only made it worse until he was completely blind. He could no longer work.
One day, he had a misunderstanding with his wife, who had become the breadwinner, and she asked him what good all his alms-giving and upright behavior had accomplished? She sat accusing him. This hurt him so bad that he prayed he would die.
He began setting his affairs in order, expecting God to answer his prayer. He sent his son, Tobias, to retrieve ten talents he had left in trust with a relative in Media, many years back, when he was still rich and worked for a good king.

The very same moment Tobit prayed for death, a very upright and gentle girl in Media, named Sarah, also prayed for death. She had been married seven times, but was oppressed of a demon who killed all her husbands, so they dropped dead as soon as they entered the bridal chamber to consummate the wedding. She was still a virgin, having been the bride at seven weddings! One of her maidservants told her she had killed them all, and ought to become like them, "May we never see a son or daughter of yours!". Sarah then asked God to kill her because she hurt so bad, and if He did not see fit to do so, to please look on her affliction.

God sent the angel Raphael immediately, to take care of both problems. Raphael appeared as a man to Tobias, who was just then looking for a companion on the dangerous road to Media.
Raphael went with Tobias, masquerading as a distant relative. They caught a fish and Raphael told Tobias to keep certain parts of it, because they would be used to drive away evil spirits and to heal physical afflictions.
Raphael told Tobias that there was a kinswoman whom Tobias had the first right to marry, and that she was destined for him before the world began. Tobias had heard of the seven dead bride-grooms, but Raphael calmed his fears. He told Tobias that her house was on the way, and they needed to stop to rest there.
They spoke to her father about her hand in marriage, and her father told Tobias about the evil spirit who killed all her husbands. Tobias said he was not afraid, so preparations were made and they were married that very night. Tobias' new father-in-law, Raguel, sent servants to dig a grave to bury Tobias secretly, and hide the family's shame.
Meanwhile, in the bridal chamber, Tobias put the fish liver on the incense coals per Raphael's instructions. Then Tobias and Sarah knelt and prayed, as Raphael had instructed beforehand, for God's protection and blessing. The smoke  of the fish liver drove the demon away, and Raphael chased it down and bound it.
When Raguel's servant came to see if Tobias was dead, he found the couple sound asleep - and alive. Raguel ordered the grave filled back in by daybreak, not wanting Tobias to know about it, and sang great praises to God. He gave Tobias half his inheritance (when he married Sarah, he became Raguel's sole heir since Sarah had no brothers or sisters) up front, and ordered two weeks of feasting. Raphael was sent onward to collect the ten talents they went to retrieve in the first place, and to invite the relative who kept it to the wedding feast.
Since Tobias wasn't at liberty to go home as planned, and phones did not yet exist, his parents were worried sick. His dad said, "There must have been some delay," but his mom was essentially convinced that he was dead and was mourning for him already. She spent all day every day staring at the road he'd taken, answering to no one, and then cried all night every night and couldn't sleep.
After the two week feast, Tobias was like, "I absolutely have to get home, my parents must think I'm dead!" So his enormous new wealth was packed up. Sarah and all Tobias' new servants hit the road, led by Tobias and the angel Raphael, who was still in disguise.
When they arrived, Tobias' mother was beside herself with joy. Tobit stumbled out to greet his son, and Tobias applied the fish gall to his eyes, as he had been instructed to do, then peeled the films off his father's eyes. When Tobit saw his son, he shouted praises to God. He then heard of the marriage, and saw Sarah and all the wealth Tobias had returned with, so he also declared a long feast.
It was when Tobais and Tobit attempted to pay him that Raphael revealed his true name, nature and mission. After calming them down from their fright, he gave some exhortations for right living and promises for those who are faithful to God, and reminded them twice to worship God always. Then he departed from them. They praised God all the more.


A song that seems to fit with this story; it may be a further comfort to those comforted by it.

On his death bed, Tobit told his son to leave Nineveh as soon as he buried his mother, like the very same day, because Tobit believed the prophecies of the prophet Nahum (found in the Bible, including the Protestant canon of the Bible) about Nineveh. He was sure it was not a safe place to live.
Tobias did as he was told. The book ends with the captives of Nineveh marching past the family's home in Media, before Tobias' very eyes. And he praised God.

I hope you enjoyed this synopsis of the book of Tobit. It has been a comfort to me lately, and the more I read it, the more I feel it is indeed inspired, and should not have been thrown out. I feel a little bit cheated for not having access to it, and some other works in the "Apocrypha," all my life before. 

Godspeed.

~Mother Star





Sunday, December 28, 2014

NEVER! GIVE!UP! - Second Chances Sometimes Bring Unique Dilemmas

Job hunting, On unemployment. Sadly, on food stamps too. Hate that.
Turns out, four introductory courses that I need for the Graphic Art Degree are running in the Spring. It is not too late to sign up. I filled out the FAFSA and am eligible for full Pell Grant, Stafford Direct Student Loans, and Work Study. All my jobs were work-study jobs when I was in school before. If my overheads had been as low, and my prospects as high then, and if I had known then what I know now, things would have been much better for me during that time. I would have taken out a student loan and bought a car, so I would have tremendously better employment prospects.
In a two-year school, you don't get your funds from scholarships or financial aid until February or March, and classes start in January. You get just enough of your Financial Aid money to cover books at the start of the Semester. Then you get half of what's left of student loans in February and the other half in March. If anything is left of your scholarships or Grants, you get it in March or April. Classes start in January, this year it is on the 12th. It would be at least a month before I could start seriously car shopping, and it would still have to be a very cheap car. It would at least be a car though, and I could answer "Yes" to application questions about dependable transportation, plus I would be studying for a high-demand, high paying job that is creative.
I can do it all over again, and replace the car, which will also get rid of my obstacle for the investing I was to be doing. An ugly car keeps a person from being taken seriously, as does appearing not to have one, so wither way I was going to be toast. Going to school will also limit my availability to potential employers and narrow down my options in certain ways, too. On the whole though, it would probably still be better as far as forward progress.
Here's the dilemma: If I do it all over again though, and major in the right thing this time so I will be able to get a job and be creative, I will lose my unemployment and the other assistance. Treatment for depression and anxiety, which were aggravated very badly by the events of the past year, will stop because I will lose my health insurance. Taking six credits or more knocks out food stamps and medic-aid unless you are disabled or have children under 12. Going to school at all can knock out unemployment. 70% of people who apply for work-study jobs do not get them, because there aren't enough to go around. It will be a risk, because I'll either find a job very quickly or life will be asking much more of me daily, while giving me a lot less to do it with, for however long.
When I started school before, I gave up my food-stamps, which was my only income at the time, risking not being able to survive in order to hopefully live better. I thought, "If I don't do this, I will never find a good job, and I will always be dependent on someone. I will try this and if I don't make it, then at least I will die doing my best." That's what I thought. I did not major in the right stuff though, because I did not know any better.
If we go ahead and buy this house on CFD under the right terms, my roommate's rent will offset some of this but not all. So I have some investigating to do to verify that the right terms are indeed available. Either way it will still be a  risk to take.
My RCIA Class could be jeopordized if I take a full 12 credits, because the only possible 4th class will overlap it by 50 minutes. Even then, I could only do it if someone gave me a ride home on Monday and Wednesday nights. With 12 credits, unemployment would be guaranteed to be gone, but I am not sure if it would be absolutely gone if I took less. I will have to find out.

If I don't go through with it, then I may have very little chance of much improvement until Spring or Summer. It could also be longer, because there would be a huge gap in my employment by that time if I can't find something right now.

I will update when I have my answers.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Saturday, December 27, 2014

NEVER! GIVE! UP! - A Slap in the Face with Some Good Progress

Messaged my investment-class mentor about my prospective first move. Put my car on craigslist. Saw a truck on craigslist for same price that is ten years older but still runs.

My meeting this morning could have gone better, but could also have gone worse.
My friend basically let me know he thought I was a bum.
He's in his 60's and drove a truck for over 30 years. He has a CDL and a handful of endorsements on his license with 30 years at same company and spotless record. Employers are begging for people like him, not the other way around. He has a unique situation. As a retiree, he does not realize what "2nd most declining economy in nation" means. It has to do with job scarcity, layoffs, a glut of desirable employees in job market and a vast shortage of jobs for them to fill. That means hard-working, responsible people with good work ethics can end up jobless for extended periods of time. Lots of them. Droves of them apply for same jobs, along with all the people who really don't want to work very hard. Employers don't even try to be nice to people applying for jobs and are curt, sometimes even downright rude.
At the non-profit where he works, they need people with his qualifications who will work for minimum wage. People who will do that are retired, and are often not willing to do just anything the company needs. So the company hires people who treat it as badly as some companies - like for instance the meat packing business - treat their employees, yet they continue to have a position there. Therefore, he gets a very inaccurate picture of what's going on!

He eventually changed his tune, and he did tentatively agree to be my partner. that means do the driving and the negotiating, since he's good at those things, in exchange for 50%  of the profits. We are to meet again on Tuesday. Hopefully, that meeting will begin and end better than this one began.

My poor, dear little car. It is on craigslist now, if anyone wants it. You can find the ad here.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star


Friday, December 26, 2014

Pushing Too Hard for Change?

Expressing the truth about our lives and sounding off about what we believe in is risky.
One of the risks is lost relationships.

Telling the story about the battle I had with "sexual orientation" has cost me at least one connection. Predictably, I was branded as a hater in spite of exposing the genuinely hateful behavior by some people on the right in the process of testifying to my deliverance and transformation. I say it is not out of your control, not really, and immediately that makes me the enemy (For the people who do not wish to believe that perverse "sexual orientation" is not inborn, fixed, and part of who someone is,).

It is one thing to not want to see yourself differently, or behave differently, than you do; it is another thing to get angry at people for saying or demonstrating that one has a choice in the matter.
If there is nothing wrong with your behavior, why is it threatening for someone to say that you have an option to do otherwise? The only thing that changes is it makes you responsible for how you are acting or who you believe you are. Why do you need to be powerless and without a choice in the matter? Does having a choice make you feel like you've chosen wrong? Why is offering examples that show that you have a choice a threat in any way unless you do not feel right about it?

Other people feel strongly about entertainment, and do not feel that the message or ideals expressed in any entertainment or art should count for anything. If anyone dislikes an artist for standing up, lets say for "white supremacy," some people will get upset because they think the person is being judgmental.
I personally will not support an artist who objectifies or demeans women, or who is openly racist or advocates violence (I mean they say in interviews and such that they are white supremacists or something). Some people feel strongly enough about artists not being accountable for their message and such, that they actively dislike people like me. If you confront social issues and the role the media plays in them by only supporting people who do not add to the problem, these individuals may take serious issue with you.

On the other hand, there are people I take issue with too. Agreeing with Satan's plan for someones life and telling them that God made them gay, allegedly in the name of "God's love," is so severe to me, I will delete you from facebook or Tsu over it.

I will not delete a person for self-identifying as gay. I WILL delete them if they use God as a support for the morality of acting that out, though. That is trying to use God to say the opposite of what God says. So-called "Gay theology" is every bit as unloving as throwing a "gay" person onto burning tires, tied up; it is just a more insidious form of working for the devil than violence is. I would delete a person for supporting the violent, and more blatantly unloving behavior too - and for the same reason. They are using Christ as a support for something He came and suffered to destroy, namely, sin. In the first case, the sin is homosexual behavior. in the second case it is violence and hatred. It does not matter why you hate a person, it could be because they beat up your mother and stole all her savings. You can't hate people. If people sin against you, you must forgive. If they sin in a way that does not directly affect you, you have to care about them in spite of it. Both Westboro Baptist Church and the"Gay Christian" crowd are  abusing the Gospel, and I will delete both kinds of people just as readily, and for the same basic reason.

It can be a hard line to walk on occasion, trying to stand for what you know to be right and also try to be tolerant and love people regardless of what they do. I disassociate from those who use God to justify moral wrongs, and from people who dehumanize, demean,  or objectify groups, like women or racial groups. Sometimes I cut people slack if I think they are just truly ignorant and may get better as their knowledge grows, or if they are definitely on the mend in an area and are acting out of where they are in their pain but are progressing, like aware they have issues and are doing what they can to work through it. Those exceptions are very rare though, not because few people have issues but because so few are willing to recognize it or work to change it.

I often battle with whether I am too hard on people, especially when someone becomes offended with me the same way. What I have decided to do is accept it as "just what it is". Somebody felt as strongly about what I did as I do about people abusing the gospel. As far as I know, it means they are very strongly deceived about something. Do I get angry? Not anymore. It hurts less than it used to as well, mostly because I know my own boundaries and am increasingly comfortable with them. I still pray for the people, sometimes more than I did before, due to the "very strongly deceived" part.

With a lot of consideration, I feel more comfortable with the boundaries I set in these areas. I feel I am on a positive path because it is also making more able to accept the same treatment from others, even if I don't agree with them. Perhaps this rant is helpful to someone else, as it has helped me so much to write it.
I hope so.




Godspeed.

~Mother Star


Thursday, December 25, 2014

On the Need for Love

Well, I just celebrated Christmas with my "family."
My biological family is no where near me ,and - while I still care about them - I definitely intend to keep it that way.
I have hated Christmas for years. Ever since my grandma became ill when I was around seven years old, the whole holiday season from Thanksgiving through New years went downhill. Until now.
Grandma's death, my parents' divorce, my grandfather's re-marriage, my maternal Grandmother's dementia, later more deaths, estrangements and a singularly unfortunate remarriage, eventually took me essentially to the point where I have no "family", as such.
Until now?
My friend Matt's family has sort of adopted me.
So today I played with my adopted nieces and hung out with my adopted family in-law and my sort of surrogate ma and pop.

They gave me three presents, which I did not care as much about as getting to be there and hangout with everybody, and being wanted there.
They did not care that I had nothing to give them, I did not have to make excuses. My presence was enough. I did not have to be told, I knew it. I never thought that would happen again.
My blood family is not like that, entirely.
No one talked about anything awful, except maybe me at one point, and it was mild compared to the unpleasantness my relatives would likely hash out. It was a nice, innocent, drama-free Christmas. A lot of us were mildly ill, including me, but it was still fun.

A picture taken by my sort of adopted sister-on-law

Many years were spent going on about how I stood alone and needed no one, as I had learned to survive that way.

I had a clear shot at a great job closer to my blood relatives that paid very well. I liked it. But I needed to be nearer to people who cared about me. Even though I am again stuck in the no.2 most declining economy in the nation, I am still happy to be here because there is hope,and here there are people who actually love me and are also healthy enough to know how.

At the end of your life, what will be most important to you? Your bank account and assets, or moments like these? For me, I know the economics will turn around. My dreams can and will be pursued and hopefully won. The main reason I am happy though is not about career or education or resources. What really brought me to IL and keeps me returning here is the need for love.
A need I am no longer afraid to acknowledge that I have.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families, he leads the prisoners out with singing..."

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - Catholics DO NOT worship the "Queen of Heaven"

Regardless of how this goes, whether I do get confirmed or not, I do want to clarify one more thing about Mary before I forget again.
"Queen of Heaven" does NOT mean to put St. Mary above, or on par with, God.
They say that in the Bible, the Isreali king's wife had to ask permission to come in, and bow, and do everything else the same way that others in the kingdom had to. The kind's mom on the other hand was the Queen Mother. She could walk right in and ask for something on somebody's behalf and pretty much expect it to get done. She definitely could not make decisions like the king, but held an awful lot of sway in his court.

Addressing Mary as Queen of Heaven is a reference to the ancient Isreali "Queen Mother" type of situation (though the term is not often used in the Bible) combined with the same beliefs behind "prayers" to saints. Look at 1 Kings 1:14-16, compared with 1 Kings 2:18-20. Bathsheba as King's wife versus Bathsheba as King's mom. That is where they get these notions about Mary. The term "Queen Mother" is not used but the idea they call "Queen Mother" is illustrated here, When they say that Mary sits at Jesus' right hand, it's because Bathsheba sat at Solomon's right hand. Therefore they infer that Jewish King's moms sat at their right hand and held a lot of influence. They think Mary has a position in Heaven kind of like Bathsheba had in Solomon's court, and is so very highly favored, throughout eternity.
 "Queen of Heaven" is not intended to revere Mary as a God(dess). I was really thrown by that "Queen of Heaven" reference a lot too, until it was explained. They also point to the story of turning Water into wine and say that Mary's intercession altered Jesus' decision about whether to do something about the wine shortage to demonstrate that she has the same degree of favor and her prayers have same impact as Bathsheba seems to have had in Solomon's court. They infer therefore that Prophet Priest and "King of the Jews" Jesus has the same setup in Heaven's court. That does not make her an actual ruler of Heaven, nor on par with God in Roman Catholic theology, though.

Personally, I am not sure I think the throne room in heaven works like the Isreali king's court did, just I know it resembles the temple/tabernacle Moses was ordered to set up and which foreshadowed Jesus' sacrifice and etc. The temple and the palace weren't the same thing. However, I understand the thinking, how they could think that way and say that. They are trying to keep with Jewish roots, and it may or may not have gone awry here, but at least no one need freak about idolatry. Not when it comes to an informed/educated Catholic anyway. Some people pay no better attention in catechism than some folks do in school, which is not much, and they walk out with weird ideas, I am told.


 


There are individuals who pray always to Mary and ask her to take everything to Jesus for them, but that is not required. There is a question of "Minimalism and Maximalism" concerning Mariology in the Catholic Church. The over-emphasis on Mary has been warned against by influential Catholics for centuries, but the opposite extreme is also warned against, and that is acting like she is no big deal at all or being too timid in presentation of her... well, basically what Protestants do.
So I hope I cleared that up for some people.
There are some prayers or songs I am not comfortable singing because I am uncomfortable saying the words in them to anyone but God. I rather doubt that Mary is offended by that, honestly, and these prayers are not required, as far as I know.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - Deliverance Ministry in the Catholic Church PT. 3

Several more good points from Fr. Gabriel Amorth's book, An Exorcist Tells His Story.

Fr. Amorth notes a common complaint of any who study deliverance ministry. There are various degrees of impact that evil spirits can make on a person's life. There is no set terminology for these various degrees. It can work rather like a continuum, though there are instances where Satan's ability to work in a person's life can take a big jump. More on all that later.
Like most books on the topic, Fr. Amorth puts forth a set of terms he uses in his own text and which should not be assumed to apply to any other text on the subject.

Levels of demonic activity according to Fr. Gabriel Amorth:
Ordinary activity: just regular temptations and the crap that happens to obstruct our work for the Lord or distract us from our calling. Those were not his words, obviously, but that's the gist of it.
External Physical Pain: being physically flogged, beaten or pummeled by demons.
Possession: Totally taking over the body, but not the soul, of the victim. Making actions where the victim is unaware of what happens and is not voluntarily participating.
Oppression: Fr. Amorth defines this as being struck by the devil in health, jobs or relationships. Job and the woman Jesus healed of being bent over for 18 years are examples of his definition of oppression.
Obsession: Difficult to differentiate from mental illness. Victim experiences sudden attacks or sometimes ongoing obsessive thoughts. They may or may not be rationally absurd. Person lives in a perpetual state of desperation, prostration, or suicide attempts. If examination by a qualified professional yields confusing results, no resemblance to any known disorders, priest may attempt an exorcism.
Subjugation or Dependence: People fall into this when they voluntarily submit to Satan, such as through blood pact or some other ritual consecration.


I will include some further insight and detail from Lester Sumrall's teaching on the subject, which uses a different set of terms. Therefore I will have to explain this additional set of terms.
I want to stress that in no case should a Christian, be they Catholic, Protestant, or Orthodox, ever be afraid of Satan.



Lester Sumrall
Regression -  moving backward. First red-flag of a negative power at work. Going backward, not forward. Could be caused just by you, especially when too reliant on your own strength.
Repression - to restrain or squeeze. Restrains expression. Not permitted to be oneself probably sign of repression. Destroy natural expression of personality, takes away joy out of the person's life.
Suppression - Press under, to keep back, to conceal, an exclusion of desire and feeling
Depression -   to be low in spirit to have gloominess, a decrease in feelings of hopelessness or inadequacy
Oppression - pressure or power to crush, power to smother, to overpower another power, to overwhelm, to harass, to ravish, to rape.
Obsession - In the first 5 you can deliver yourself. this one, you need someone else to help you. To besiege, to haunt, to be fixed on a  single idea to an unreasonable degree. Mind no longer clear
Possession - To inhabit, to occupy, to control, to hold as property, to dominate, to actuate, to rule by extraneous forces.
Not everyone afflicted of the devil comes into it through the same order of steps. There might be other things, or steps might be skipped or things may occur in a different order. This process need not be carried all the way to complete possession. Nevertheless, this rough sketch of common series of conditions is helpful.

You must yield to Satan for him to gain control of you. Satan seldom takes a life completely in one shot. It is normally an incremental process, sometimes it takes years, sometimes the process is much faster than this if you give in very quickly. You do not have to realize it is Satan you are yielding to, It could be you think it is to your own feelings or your own mind, or to a spirit of a deceased person or an angel or something else. Rarely do people knowingly submit to the enemy.

Being very deeply involved in sin can lead to the enemy having a profound hold on a person.
"Submit therefore to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7


Monday, December 22, 2014

Surviving Depression - Questions I Sometimes Have

I did not finish my profile on eharmony.com because answering a lot of the questions honestly right now would paint a picture of me in a condition I do not desire to stay in.
Do I need to wait until I recover from this and have my chemicals balanced out before looking for a mate?
I was thinking probably yes. Who will want to put up with the condition I am in? In addition, I wonder how I would handle temptation in the condition I am in too. I read in a book, This is Your Brain on Love, that of all mental health disorders, depression destroys more relationships than anything else.



However, I am now talking to someone who I found on a dating site.
I find that it has lifted my spirits a bit. It is almost like I needed something to fight for.
I have been fighting for my dreams for so long, in what has often seemed like a losing battle.
There is nothing romantic in our conversations at this point, but we are both on that site being very open to that possibility. Both of us are wise enough to start out looking for a friend, then consider whether we want there to be anything else. Just the slight possibility of romance makes me want to keep fighting, to be sure I am "ready" when and if the time comes to actually officially start dating anybody, like to actually go on a date...

I know of one person with major depression who is happily married, and his marriage seems to help his condition. He is doing what makes him happy in life and pursuing the destiny God has for him. He stills suffers bouts of recurring depression, but he gets through it, and I guess knows he will get through it, partly because of the blessings of God in his life such as his wife.
Obviously, she loved him in spite of his condition, and is able to stay with him in spite of his periodic problems without becoming depressed herself.

For me, the ball is now rolling to be able to get some medication soon. Perhaps I will get better after all, at some point. I just hope I don't need the stuff forever.

So I guess what I wonder is how far I can go before I am rid of this problem. I wonder how much I should hold back and wait for, if anything. I also kind of fear I may never fully be rid of it, that it will always be there ready to return and take me down, or that it will never fully go away at all.
What will that mean for my dreams? Perhaps it is still possible to live them; at worst, I guess I would not always be able to enjoy it so much. That still seems rather like a nightmare though...

I guess time will tell how I will respond to treatment and whether I will be cured or not. I hope to have good news and a testimony on that at some point. God, help me; we shall see.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star


Sunday, December 21, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - To be Confirmed, or Not Be Confirmed

Well, my current struggle concerns whether or not to be confirmed. I began RCIA absolutely sure I wanted to be confirmed, however, if I am required to accept all the dogmas about Mary to do so, then I cannot. It's simply not an option.
I find denominationalism a sad thing, and I think it will be important for the Catholic attitude about this subject to loosen up if they and the orthodox church are ever to reunite.
I did a web search about being or remaining Catholic without receiving all of the 4 dogmas about Mary. I found a lot of haughty-taughty talking-down to people answers when others posed this question. Some people seemed to think you could actually go to hell for not believing it. If that is the case, then I will not be confirmed.
I find it funny though, that there are Catholics mad at Pope Francis, there are Catholics who regard most of the revisions of Vatican II to be ungodly, and call this a time of chastisement for the Catholic church, and etc. Yet, according to the doctrine of Papal infallibility, they can't do that and still be Catholic.
The mayor of NYC was promoting abortion like crazy, even though Catholic doctrine says he is to be excommunicated if he participates in abortion in any way. There are supposedly Catholic organizations that are openly gay and support "Gay theology." They have not been excommunicated.
There is at least one nun going around promoting abortion. I do not believe in any of this stuff, but are these people still catholic?
If they can be part of the church and not agree on those doctrines,some of which promise excommunication for disobedience, then what about me?
These are questions I hope I can answer after the next RCIA class.
I hope to be able to update this issue within the next couple of weeks.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star
My questions about Mary make confirmation a question, not a certainty.
I pray for clarification on where to go with this issue and what to do.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - Mary the Mother of Jesus Pt 2

Continuing on this sticky (for me) subject...

Dogmas of the Catholic church about Mary:
Virgin Birth: Jesus was born of a virgin.
Immaculate Conception: Mary was born without original sin, essentially born saved, so that she could give birth to Jesus without giving him original sin.
Perpetual Virginity: She stayed a virgin all her life, and Joseph agreed to support this calling on her life by abstaining along with her so she could be faithful to God's call as Jesus' mom.
Ascension into Heaven: Mary ascended like Jesus did, she did not die.

I covered the first two before. Now lets finish out the second half of the list.

Perpetual Virginity
This Catholic Dogma presents Joseph as sort of submitting, like a Western man might think of it, to give up the Western "masculine sex-right" to honor Mary's alleged call form God.
Joseph was Jewish, as Mary was.
Jewish view of sexuality:
Sex between a husband and wife is a mitzvah, which is a lot like our word sacrament. It is a commandment, and a meritorious or charitable act.
Jewish people link sexuality in marriage with holiness, so this dogma states that they served God by violating His rules for their lives as married people. From the Jewish Virtual Library:
"Sex is the woman's right, not the man's. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman's right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and is one of a wife's three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband's occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time, and may not take a journey for an extended period of time, because that would deprive his wife of sexual relations. In addition, a husband's consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations is grounds for compelling a man to divorce his wife, even if the couple has already fulfilled the halakhic obligation to procreate.
Although sex is the woman's right, she does not have absolute discretion to withhold it from her husband. A woman may not withhold sex from her husband as a form of punishment, and if she does, the husband may divorce her without paying the substantial divorce settlement provided for in the ketubah."
To us Westerner's that might sound gross, or perverse, but it is the Jewish way going far, far back to ancient times. The mitzvah of procreation is a separate one, the pleasure and bonding aspect is also sacred in Judaism, not just procreation.
If you told our very beloved, Jewish, Mother of God the dogma that she responded to God's call by staying a virgin after she was married, this would have been, to her ears, bordering on blasphemy/sacrilege. It would mean that God called her and Joseph to sin, basically. To be married and abstain the whole time is, for them, about as bad as doing stuff when you are not married. It's on par with adultery, as we know it, and grounds for divorce.
A marriage counselor, Earl Henslin, who has worked with many Jewish couples wrote in Chapter 2 of This is Your Brain on Love that no matter how bad things are in their marriages, it does not get into their bedroom. Why? "I am not going to have sex with my spouse" is like saying "I am not going to pray." He writes, "It is unthinkable," because they link marital sexuality with holiness.

Mary was Jewish. Mary was married. Therefore, Mary had three basic rights Joseph was supposed to provide: food, shelter and sex. I don't think it will kill anyone to live without it, but still, they were Jewish, and that was and is Jewish teaching.
Matthew 1:24-25. "...he took her [Mary] as his wife, but had no marital relations with her until she had born a son; and he named him Jesus."
That word "until" is two Greek words:
heos Strong's #2193 Definitions: of uncertain affinity; a conjunction, preposition and adverb of continuance, until (of time and place): - even (until, unto), (as) far (as), how long, (un-) til (-l), (hither-, un-, up) to, while (-s).
hou Strong's #3757 Definitions: generic of (3739) as adverb; at which place, i.e. where: - where (-in), whither ([-soever]).
It seems to indicate a span of time terminating at a given point. The point given in this case is the birth of Jesus. The necessity of abstinence was over then, Jesus did not need her to abstain anymore. Since she was a godly, Jewish, married woman, she had a different requirement for holy living than she did as the single or merely betrothed woman that she was when He was conceived. Nothing happened between them until after he was born, no doubt. After he was born, they clearly carried on with the mitzvah ordained by God for married people, since that is what they were. If they did not, they would have been less holy, not more. This mitzvah is not inextricably tied to procreation in Judaism either, so not having any (surviving?) children at Jesus' death does not really mean anything either.
The dogma of Perpetual virginity does not make any sense, given that Mary was Jewish, as Joseph also was.
Do I believe that Early Christians believed this? Absolutely. Many of them came from pagan cultures that had practices that could put extreme ideas about virginity in their heads. Old ideas sometimes die really hard, or don't die at all. However, that does not mean God would actually have called two Jewish people to live like that. These are very definitely pagan ideas, not sanctioned or created by YHVH.

Finally, Mary is an example to us. If she remained a virgin until married, and waited even longer because of carrying Jesus, but carried out God's intent for married women after he was born, then she is a great example. An ideal.
If she went through life pretending to be a good wife before the world while not living or relating in that important relationship like she was supposed to, refraining from a commanded and meritous behavior (mitzvah means a command, and a charitable or meritous act), then she is a bad example to follow, and so not much of a saint. Right? I believe the Catholic Church has attempted to be very true to the beginings, but this is a point where the pagan ways were not left behind, and Mary would likely be very upset by this story.

Assumption into Heaven
I would need more information. I think it is possible, kind of like Enoch and Elijah. I have no certainty at this point though, since I already see evidence of the early church projecting things onto Mary that seemed great to them but could not be true (e.g. Perpetual Virginity). Therefore, I really don't know. It sounds good, but that isn't enough for me...


This song has always been really cool to me. Now that I am studying and thinking about Mary more, it means even more than it ever did, with or without Immaculate conception or Perpetual Virginity. So Hail, Mary, full of grace.

Godspeed.
~ M. S.

Adventures in RCIA - Mary the Mother of Jesus Pt. 1

Ok, here is where it gets sticky for me...

Dogmas of the Catholic church about Mary:
Virgin Birth: Jesus was born of a virgin.
Immaculate Conception: Mary was born without original sin, essentially born saved, so that she could give birth to Jesus without giving him original sin.
Perpetual Virginity: She stayed a virgin all her life, and Joseph agreed to support this calling on her life by abstaining along with her so she could be faithful to God's call as Jesus' mom.
Ascension into Heaven: Mary ascended like Jesus did, she did not die.

Virgin Birth: I absolutely believe.
Isaiah 7:14 "Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel."

Matthew 1:23 "Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us."

Luke 1:26-42  "And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth, to a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God. And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end. Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man? And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible. And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her. And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda; And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth. And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost: And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb."

Immaculate Conception:
Why is it necessary? If she could come from a mom that had original sin, and supposedly not have it, why couldn't Jesus have the same miracle instead? Being "born saved" like this Dogma teaches, would also take away Mary's choice to be saved or not. Mary had a choice to accept carrying him, a choice to believe in him as the savior or not, and a chance to reject his plan of salvation - which may still not have been her expectation or plan, but she took it all as it came.
"Full of Grace" does not mean "without sin." I looked up "full of grace" in Greek, and asked a friend who had resources to study the word that I do not have to look it up too. Here is what we found:
G5487 χαριτόω / charitoō / From G5485 [see below]; to grace, that is, indue with special honor: - make accepted, be highly favoured.
G5485: χάρις / charis / From G5463 [see below]; graciousness (as gratifying), of manner or act (abstract or concrete; literal, figurative or spiritual; especially the divine influence upon the heart, and its reflection in the life; including gratitude): - acceptable, benefit, favour, gift, grace (-ious), joy liberality, pleasure, thank (-s, -worthy).
G5463: χαίρω / chairō / A primary verb; to be full of “cheer”, that is, calmly happy or well off; impersonal especially as a salutation (on meeting or parting), be well: - farewell, be glad, God speed, greeting, hail, joy (-fully), rejoice.

I totally see that there was divine favor, and grace to be able to do something. She would need an amazing fortitude to do all that she did, and only God could provide that. However I don't find it compelling evidence for lack of original sin or any such like. As far as the argument in the catechism video, "If you existed before your mother, and could make her any way you wanted, how would you make her?" It depends what your goal was in making this mother and coming into the world. One of the things we all have to deal with is growing up with imperfect parents. I surely don't think Mary was abusive, but what is the point of coming to walk our path with us and understand what we are going through (Heb 4:15) if you're going to spare yourself imperfect parenting? You can't identify with all our temptations if you spare yourself from a major test/temptation that is universal to the rest of humankind. If his mom had no original sin, it would negatively impact his ability to live in the world like we do, with imperfect and original-sin carrying parents.
I can see how being the spawn of the Holy spirit could alone protect Jesus from original sin. What would have caused that for Mary? Nothing.
This is not adding up...

While I deeply appreciate Mary and her gifts to the world through her obedience and sacrifice, I struggle a lot with some of the dogmas about her.
I wonder what she would think if she heard them...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - The Saints: Our Assignment from Pastor John

Pastor John has asked us RCIA participants to write a report on a saint, who ever would like to be our Confirmation name.
I chose to write about Teresa of Avila, a.k.a. Teresa of Jesus. Here's my paper.


 Saint Teresa of Avilla is symbolized by a heart, an arrow and a book. She is the patron Saint of headache sufferers and Spanish Catholic writers. Teresa of Jesus was Born 1515 and died in 1582.
Beatified by Paul V in 1614 and canonized by Gregory XV in 1622, she was voted patroness of Spain, but the vote was not confirmed1.
Teresa of Avilla had many trials. Her parents were too strict1. She got confused sometimes, and continuously feared she would do something wrong. I can relate. She had experiences with God she had questions about, and I often find myself there too. She got a got boy crazy when she was young, as did I. She struggled to keep her mind on prayer, as I do off and on, yet her prayer life became deep when she stayed committed to it. She felt that people often thought better of her than they should. She suffered with poor spiritual council sometimes2, and was several times disappointed with places that were supposed to help her become closer to God2. I can understand all that. She saw an unhealthy and unhappy marriage and was scared to get married1. I can understand that well. In her order, she lived in poverty, had many challenges1, and spent a tremendous amount of time alone2. I am not in an order, but that draws me to her especially. She started many convents, almost like an apostle of convents.
Teresa of Jesus knew her place in relation to devils, and how to fight them2. When she decided to join an order, she was so determined that hell itself couldn't have stopped her, even though she was kind of torn up about it in some ways. She did not exercise her gifts for writing with confidence, it was submission to God or her leaders that made her go through with it2. I am very glad that she did so!
I read “The Interior Castle” in 2006, and it helped me tremendously. It is one of the things that drew me to the Catholic church. I infer from her writing, in both her autobiography that I am reading now and The Interior Castle, that she had very low self-esteem. God seemed to meet her needs where she was weakened and likely to sin by showing her how much He loved her and how valuable she was to him. That seems to be how God handles me sometimes too. Oddly, I feel a bit less alone when I read her words, and it stirs up a flame in my heart for God. I have a blog and do a lot of serious writing; I hope my words may help at least a few people half as well as hers have done, for me and many others.
Bowing in presence of God felt strongly during music at Christan Festival. Song where God is our spouse, like The Interior Castle talked about. Song was, "Come to Me." by Dark Valentine.
References
1. Catholic.org. “Saints and Angels – Teresa of Avilla.” Retrieved from

2. E. Allison Peer. The Autobiography of Teresa of Avilla. Image Books, Garden City, NY. 1960. 

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - Deliverance Ministry in the Catholic Church Pt.2

As promised,
Here are several prayers of deliverance included in Fr. Amorth's book An Exorcist Tells His Story:

Prayer Against Malifice (including hexes)  from the Greek Ritual:
Kyrie eleison. God our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful, and All-mighty, you who made everything and who transforms everything  simply by your will. You who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the seven-times-hotter furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the Salvation of those who turn to you. We beseech you to make powerless, banish. and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against your servant [name]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory and charity. O Lord, you who love humankind, we beg you to reach out your powerful hands and your most high and mighty arms and come to our aid. Help us, who are made in your image; send the angel of peace over us, protect us body and soul. May he keep at bay ans vanquish every evil power. every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people. Then, under the protection of your authority may we sing, in gratitude, "The Lord is my Salvation, whom shall I fear? I will not fear evil because you are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages."


The Anima Christi (Soul of Christ)
Soul of Christ, sanctify me. Body of Christ, save me. Blood of Christ, inebriate me. Water from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ, strengthen me. O good Jesus, hear me; within your wounds, hide me. Let me never be separated from you. From the evil one, protect me. At the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to you, that with your saints I may praise you forever and ever.
Amen.


Prayer for Inner Healing
Lord Jesus, you came to heal our wounded and troubled hearts. I beg you to heal the torments that cause anxiety in my heart. I beg you in a particular way, to heal all who are the cause of my sin.
I beg you to come into my life and heal me of the psychological harms that struck me in my early years and and from the injuries they caused me throughout my life.
Lord Jesus, you know my burdens. I lay them all on your Good Shepherd's Heart. I beseech you - by the merits of the great, open wound in your heart - to heal the small wounds that are mine. Heal the pain of my memories, so that nothing that has happened to me will cause me to remain in pain and anguish, filled with anxiety.
Heal O Lord all the wounds that have been the cause of all the evil in my life. I want to forgive all those who have offended me. Look to those inner sores that make me unable to forgive. You who came to forgive the afflicted of heart, please, heal my own heart.
Heal, my Lord Jesus, those intimate wounds that cause me physical illness. I offer you my heart. Accept it, Lord, purify it and give me the sentiments of your Divine Heart. Help me to be meek and humble.
Heal me, O Lord, from pain caused by the death of my loved ones, which is oppressing me. Grant me to regain peace and joy in the knowledge that you are the Resurrection and the Life. Make me an authentic witness to your Resurrection, your victory over sin and death, your living presence among us. Amen.


God's church still stands,against every evil and against every deception and every dark power. And on the Word, we will stand, now and forever. Amen.
A testimony from my missionary friend Rob about confronting witchcraft:
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7
I can remember back in 2004 I was preaching in the streets of Uruguay, South America. I watched as a woman slowly made her way through the crowd and over to me and the pastor. "I need you to come and clean the evil spirits out of my house" she said to us. We agreed and we were on our way! As we were approaching the house, the woman told us that she was a witch and that she was ready for a life change. She then told us that her husband hated God and Christians, and that he would be home any moment. She let us know that if he caught us in their house, he would kill us. 'Well then we better get started!' I said nervously. She began to show us around her house and show us all of the things she would use in her spells and incantations. I figured it would be best to follow the book of acts model, and I asked her if she was ready to know Jesus right then. She responded that she was, and then I proceeded to say 'we need to burn all of it'” She agreed, and before we knew it we had a great bonfire going on her backyard. She gladly received Jesus, renounced all of the witchcraft - and that was when her husband came home. He glared at us menacingly, face beet red and fists clenched. As he tried to attack me, he couldn’t. An invisible force literally held him back, and he fled to his bedroom and slammed the door. That is the power of our God friends; His Son Jesus is the true Mystic Secret of heaven!"

Monday, December 15, 2014

NEVER! GIVE! UP! - More Focus and More Answers,

It's been a really rough couple of days.
More thinking and more things to consider. I found I was still stretched a bit thin, even with reducing my "hats" with regard to writing.
I had an appointment with people who help people find jobs last week, and in the next couple of days we will begin the hunt for a part-time job locally.
As far as self-employment type of goals, I am narrowing down my focus to the investment course I bought last month. I can only do one thing at a time, not two.
I've done more praying, and I've been reading about Teresa of Avilla, and it is really helping me. In some ways, though I am not ill, I can relate to her. I  am inspired by her even in areas where I cannot relate to her, too. It has helped me spiritually, which is an area where I sometimes feel parched. It was very enriching to volunteer with Perpetual Adoration on Wednesday mornings,but since I have no wheels at present, that is simply not possible. Without it, I have felt very weak and starved spiritually and less close to God. Reading the story of her life has helped my prayer life and has lifted me up in that area.
It has still been very discouraging to be in Decatur like this over winter. In a way, I needed this time of rest, but in some ways it has not been rest. I'm not lifting a quarter to a half of my weight continually for 12 hours and driving an hour each way to work, and my body has needed that recovery time. However, I have not needed the stress from all the things I have had to deal with through this period.
I stand tall,and string, and dedicated to my dreams and goals, in spite of tough times and repeated discouragements. This time of year is very hard on many people. I pray you are all holding up in spite of anything. Never give up.

Godspeed.


~Mother Star

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Regarding "Gay Christains" and "Gay Theology"

Forgive me, some of its gross, but needs to be said.
I want to make it very clear I do not ascribe to any of the ideas I am typing out here. I am just explaining a point. We are called to love sinners, but not sins,and there is a difference. I have things I've been delivered from that are disgusting, disturbing, and that freak people out, especially church people (not the things I am talking about here though). I have also previously self-identified as bi-sexual. I have no same sex desires now, at all. I do not hate anybody, but I really felt I had to make this point.
If the "gay Christian" theology is to be believed, then beastiality and rape and incest are all ok too. The O.T. Scriptures that say homosexuality is a sin are in the same section, Leviticus 18 (the laws concerning sexual conduct), that condemns all of those other things. None of those other things are mentioned in the NT at all.
Look at the other sexual laws that would have to be dismissed along the same grounds, otherwise it becomes "what is and isn't a sin is based on my and select others' feelings about it". Can you accept this new theological position and be consistent?

If animals of the same sex jumping on each other and humping means that it is in fact natural (I've at least seen that argument), then the dog jumping on your leg when you come in the house means that beastiality is natural too, and the fact that animals have no reservations about inbreeding means that incest also is. Furthermore, research shows that offspring of two first-cousins has about the same odds of genetic defects as a child born to a mother in her 30s.
You think people who do those things don't feel the need to hide for fear of being ostracized? You think the church wouldn't lose its mind over people like that going shamelessly public and insisting on being married and ordained and so on, and act very un-christlike and unproductive in its response (I'm not saying an un-christ-like response is justifiable. It's not)? Do you suppose that people, be they professing Christian or not, might be tempted to commit violence over it? Naturally, that un-christlike and unproductive behavior would result in severe emotional wounds for those doing those sins. Does that mean that the church should not call such behavior a sin? Anybody ready to sanction those sins, or make it just a matter of individual conviction?
My dad met someone at work who eventually told him he liked dogs in that way. The guy had been raised Baptist and believed that he was right with God. He had no desire to repent,and did not feel any conviction for his behavior. I met him several times when I was young (my dad did not know yet at that point), and he seemed like a really nice guy. Maybe those kinds of guys aren't out of the closet yet, but pornography of that sort does exist and does sell, so there's people buying it. When and if such people "come out" in droves, and make the same demands that LGBT people do, what are going to do? Get mad at the church for going off-normal and then fall off the horse on the other side, saying that its ok to do that?



Just something to think about.


Jesus' cross was enough to make all of us new, if we'll have it. It was enough to forgive us all, and it does not matter what we have done. If we sincerely repent and call what the wrong we have pursued or done "wrong" and receive his gift of salvation, then we shall have His Salvation. That makes us all equal, and in this we are all alike.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

NEVER! GIVE! UP! - For the Love of God....!

For the love of God.
That gets twisted around so much. If you make an emotional decision, it will be the wrong one.
That includes decisions about what you believe.
If, for the love of God, you buy my drugs for me (assuming I used any) because I say and truly believe I can't live without them, have you loved me?

Not everything we think we need is what we need in our lives.
If you are easily moved by crocodile tears, be very sure the enemy will take advantage if that,and use it for your destruction as well as use you for the destruction of others.

Today, a man I who used to be my pastor send me an article about a society (I am the partly schooled anthropologist here, remember, not him) that individually consults with familiar spirits to get their path and identity in life. Sometimes, the demon gives boys a vision of receiving girls tools and vice-versa. He, a self-proclaimed (he has no papers, the Bible school he graduated from chose not to give him any) minister is accepting a) other peoples actions and b) lives built on the direct guidance of demons
as proof that God's word does not mean what it says. THAT is some messed up stuff.

It is sad, I am glad his church is closed now.
I am getting all the more eager to finish my testimony about being delivered from homosexuality and ask for continued prayers that I can concentrate and get said what really needs said.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Adventures in RCIA - Deliverance Ministry in the Catholic Church pt. 1

Deliverance ministry was a huge thing for my family when I was growing up and has been important in my life in many ways. Thus, when I felt led to become Catholic, the first thing I started researching was deliverance ministry and exorcism. There is no information on this offered on our RCIA classes, so I have been investigating on my own. I can't help comparing things to what I knew growing up. Since most of this blog series is about ecumenism, I feel I should include those thoughts here as well, so I did.

In "An Exorcist Tells His Story," Fr Gabriel Amorth, a Vatican exorcist, mentioned several things that struck me.
His opening chapter was "The Centrality of Christ." He said before beginning any discussion on how to handle demon power it was important. The deliverance ministers from Protestant Communities that I know would find this a positive and promising way to introduce the topic. It is the center of everything we do as deliverance ministers.

He quotes Mark 16:17 "These signs shall follow them that believe, in my name, they shall cast out demons." Fr. Amorth states that this power is still alive and active and acknowledges that it was given to all those who believe in Jesus. This is what I was taught in Protestantism, too. Fr. Amorth calls this "Prayers of Deliverance."
He places the Exorcisms, rites performed by designated Vatican exorcists, in a different category. It is something the Catholic Church specifically wrote out as a sacramental and it has a specific ritual. This can only be performed by priests, and even then only by those specifically appointed for the job by their Bishops. The written ritual for exorcisms is described as fairly short, a series of required and some merely suggested prayers and some general guidelines. It involves holy water, anointing oil and sanctified salt.
He warned that there were many people, going around claiming to be exorcists and claiming to perform Exorcisms when they do not do so. He said that, at best they offer prayers of deliverance, at worst they go completely outside of Christian practices, practicing witchcraft instead! I can believe this. In protestant communities, there are sometimes similar problems with people doing unscriptural things that could cross the line into witchcraft.
He said most of the books on demon power and how Christians should deal with it were written by protestants, and that a lot of them are good. He said there was a desperate need throughout Christianity for more education and teaching on this topic. I and every Protestant deliverance minister I have ever had any exposure to completely agree with that. He said the Catholic community was hurting the most for more information on the topic, and that this applies to the Bishops and the priesthood, not just among the laity. Most protestant ministers have little or no knowledge how to handle the demonic either, so who is in the worst shape is debatable, though not worth debating.
Fr. Amorth did say that Protestant deliverance ministries, and similar ministries among the laity in the Catholic church are, indeed Christian and effective. He grieved that Catholics had to go to Protestants, who at least could usually help them, or resorted to witch doctors, who ultimately made them worse, because no help was offered by their local Church pastors who were actually responsible for the job. He said never to go to witch doctors or mediums or such for help, but there was no problem with Protestants and Charismatic (a.k.a. "Renewal") lay Catholics, the latter of whom he says usually learn from protestant teaching materials anyway.
Fr. Amorth has witnessed, as have I, that many Protestant deliverance ministries have very powerful effects. Personally, I have also seen very poor examples of deliverance practice, along with the very good and fruitful deliverance ministries in the various Protestant Communities I have been in. The signs of what I would label a very bad deliverance ministry are as follows:

* Ordering the demon to manifest (e.g. to speak, to shake the person, to do something blatantly supernatural and/or frightening/evil to make it really obvious that it is there)
 * Trying to get the demon to tell them its name, or to receive communication from the demon about anything. (Jesus only did that once, just as he only spit on the ground and made mud to put on a blind man's eyes for healing once. It was not typical of his deliverance practices).
Trying to get people to throw up, as if they need to puke disincarnate, non-physical entities physically out of their mouth like an offending piece of food. THAT is ridiculous, unscriptural, and revolting.
* Thinking that (almost) everybody has a demon and needs it cast out.
* That use terms like "submit to deliverance" or telling you to "submit" to whatever they are calling the specific practice they think gets rid of a demon - especially if you must submit the the authority/leadership of their pastor or someone he appoints thereafter, lest it should return otherwise. Run from that, fast.
* Teachings that involve creating fear (e.g. of sleeping or of having anesthesia for surgery, lest a demon might possess one while in that unvigilant state; or a fear of being touched by or near people from other cultures or who look different or do not believe in God, lest one might catch demons from them like catching colds or the flu; or etc.).
* Associating demonic activity with anything outwardly different about a person - different language or culture, different style of dress, handicap, scaring or deformity, or etc. That is not discernment, that is prejudice.

The first two of these do, unfortunately, occur in Fr. Amorth's and the theologian Malachi Martin, author of Hostage to the Devil, descriptions of Catholic Exorcisms. However, I infer that the ritual does not require communication with demons because Fr. Amorth's says that his late mentor, Fr. Candido Amantini, often did not communicate with the demons at all; this had happened gradually, with much experience and time in prayer. Martins' book says that exorcists have a lot of individual control over how they conduct an exorcism. Fr. Amorth discourages people doing prayers of deliverance (exercising their power as believers according to Mark 16:17) from communicating at all with the demons, as it is dangerous in numerous ways. This is the practice most powerful deliverance ministries I have ever known use "Have no fellowship or communication with demons." Period.

Malachi Martins' book says that Vatican exorcists, and their priestly or lay assistants, suffer enormous torments during Exorcisms. They must be prepared to suffer horrendous verbal abuse, supernatural emotional/mental torment, have their darkest secrets screeched out for all to hear, or their fondest memories mocked and attacked in singularly impactful ways, etc. They must prepare the room where it is to be done, and remove most anything in it and sometimes board the windows, as objects can go flying. Martin's informants, all Vatican exorcists, report that they are sometimes hurt by things flying at them ore attacked physically, and this is part of what they must endure in their position, so they just submit to it. So does anyone who assists them. Martin's informants said Exorcisms take several hours at the very least, and can take days, weeks or sometimes years. The effective deliverance ministries I brought up with, including what was classified by Protestants as exorcisms, never take that long. If it is taking that long, then something is wrong and your supposed to stop. Demons are not permitted to speak or do harm.

In Protestantism, people say "possession" whether the demon/demons possess an inanimate object, an animal, or a human. Catholics call it "infested" except in human cases. Fr. Amorth reported that when dealing with a house that is infested with demons because witchcraft was practiced in it, then he has often had to recommend that the residents just move out of it instead.

Official Exorcisms are supposed to be for extreme cases only. He included, at the back of the book, several prayers of deliverance, which I have copied and will probably copy down in the next blog on this subject.
I appreciate the work of Fr. Amorth's mentor, and the testimonies of people who indeed were eventually delivered completely through both these men's ministries. However, I think that if I discerned some need for deliverance ministry, I expect that what the Catholic church calls "prayers of deliverance" would work fine. The deliverance ministry I was brought up in had no testimonies of failure, no communication with devils, and no need to batten down the hatches. A max of 3 days fasting and major prayer was the most that would be needed, and that would be if you dealing with a demon prince such as those mentioned in Ephesians 6:12. 

Since it is sanctioned by experts at the Vatican, and need for this is asserted to be so great, here is a bit from my parents deliverance class from when I was a baby. Notice how brief of time it takes, how safe it is, and that no communication with the devil is ever used. Jesus' words when casting out demons were normally along the lines of "Shut up, and go." That's pretty much what you will be learning to say here. "In the name of Jesus shut up and go."






Godspeed.

~M. S.