To Christians With Same Sex Attractions

One of my old crushes was doing a radio interview today. Melissa Etheridge has a new album out, all covers of 50's and early 60's tunes, and older blues tunes. I had forgotten entirely about that. Obviously, the radio interview didn't cause me to start going all crazy or anything, but it reminded me of another time... Then I remembered other crushes like that. I was almost afraid that remembering would bring it back, which it didn't, but that reminded me of the torment that so often goes with that kind of temptation. You're always afraid it will be triggered, and that you will feel terrible while you sit there with whatever positive chemicals God made for romance flooding your system at the same time. it is very confusing. And awful. I can understand why people would want to just give up.
I wanted to give up. But I didn't. And now I'm talking about the whole thing in the past tense, as I have been for a long time.

A post someone made in a facebook group I am in:
"The Book of Romans chapters 5 through 8 are very powerful. Ask the Holy Spirit to intercede and guide you through the scripture readings. For the scripture is Spiritual and communicates with our Spirit."
When I was walking through it I read those a lot. I didn't think it was helping that much,only a little. but i think it kept feeding me and i kept on growing.

Abraham waited decades for his answer to prayer, and I remember thinking I didn't want to have to do that, but I told myself it didn't matter, my life and my being was God's and if for some reason he would make me wait that long i would do so. I bet Abraham wanted to spend his youth running and playing and wrestling with his kid. He didn't get that, but he did still get the kid.
It was definitely not that longfor me.It was years but not decades. Also I have found since that more healing is needed of the wounds that made it possible for me to be tempted that way. I am still healing, but I have still been walking free, as in, without any same sex attractions and in my case also having opposite sex attractions, for along time despite those wounds. Don't get discouraged by seeing a new pile of wounds you never realized you had that need healing. It doesn't absolutely guarantee a delay in your answer. However, having the wounds exposed may still be part of God's work in freeing you...

Its like a metaphor Corrie ten Boom used to use: she showed a cross-stitch she was doing and showed the back side, which looked a mess. she said "Life is like a weaving between my god and me. He sees the upper,"  she showed the front of the cross stitch" "and I, the underside." then she showed the back/bottom again, which looked like a tangle mess of crazy threads going this way and that way.
Everybody has that problem, it just comes in many forms. Some people its crippling disease, for some people its a temptation for some kind of sin, some people it is poverty, or crazy relatives. For some people, its a war torn and starving country! Or combination of these things. Never let the enemy make you feel isolated, like this temptation makes you different from others who don't experience it. all of us are different, but all of is are the same. just keep walking, knowing who He said you are, and stick to that.

Don't give up. It is not who you are. We all do get to decide who we want to be and what direction we want our life and thinking to go. And God never makes carry anything alone, He's there and there are others even if you just don't see it right now.
Godspeed.
Btw, Just to make sure there is no confusion, I did not use any "reparative therapy" and I definitely do not endorse that.
~Mother Star

Keep on walking in the light that you have. As the sun rises, more will be seen. But stay on the road you must travel until you reach your destination, whether the journey be short, or lengthy.

Wise as Serpents and Harmless as Doves

Matthw 10:16 "[ A Hard Road before Them ] “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves."

John 7:24 " Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment."

Galations 5:17-24 NASB "17 For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."


There is so much talk about "judgment" in church, and some legit complaints do get lost in the mix with the ridiculous ones. The authentic problems with "judgment" in church are as dangerous to her as the false claims of it are.

I used to go to a church that pretty much became a cult. A guy who claimed to be an apostle (Chuck Clayton, in case you ever find yourself tempted by same snakes), and believed every church was supposed to be "submitted" to an apostle came to our church and the pastor agreed to "submit" to him and his group.

In the end, if you wanted to hold the mike, give a testimony about the pastor and how anointed he was and how he had all the gifts of all the the five-fold ministry, apostles prophets evangelists pastors and teachers.
In the end, the normally very sweet and extra gentle and quite shy pastor's wife was up on the platform yelling at us like a drill instructor, and everyone knew it wasn't her, at all. She was saying how its not an option when she and her husband start a ministry to be involved or not, and how you can't be going off and doing all these different things of your own, you need to get in line with what god is doing and that would come through them, basically. We all knew it wasn't her, but most people thought it was God speaking through her.
It definitely wasn't.
The "apostle" who introduced this teaching kept offering to lay his hands on people and "impart" his spiritual stuff to them and everybody was running for it. I did too, like an idiot. I have since renounced all that.

The thing is, I was a goth, and when I came there for that message of hers after a long absence living in another state, I was totally looking goth. I was "dressed to the nines" that day. People gave me a wide berth, like obviously walking way out around me to avoid getting close at all and to prevent any contact. Even when I went there before and had down dressed a lot, they would not lay hands on me but would hold their hands away, though stretched out to me for prayer but they wouldn't touch me. They'd walk along the line laying hands and "prophesying" to each person but would hold their hands out to me but not make contact because of how I looked, lest they should "catch" the devil from me. It was mean, actually. Why? because he was wearing an expensive suit and I was well, counter-culture. See my point?
There is, unfortunately, a dangerous current of unhealthy judgment in the church, probably not just directed at goths and tattooed folks, and is directly contrary to John 7:24 "judge not according to appearances, but judge righteous judgment". It is in fact real, and it does cause big problems. People running *to* a possessed person in a nice suit who spouts angry remarks about liberalism and etc, and asking him to impart his deceptive and controlling spirit to them, and fleeing from me for wearing black clothes and an unusual hairdo/make-up job because they think strangeness = devil worship. Many people of "a different breed" if you will, not just goths, have left the church and god, because they think its all about looking a certain way, conforming to a particular  outward standard they don't find appealing, and becoming to whatever you see/people-pleasing. Basically, that it is all about everything they can't stand.
You had church people truly afraid of me, but running to a person who was full of the devil asking him to impart the spirit he had to them. It brought a lot of destruction to their lives too, a LOT, besides wounding me way more than I even realized/faced at the time.

Besides, if certain attire were required of Christians, we would all have to wear togas or something. The early church didn't wear any leisure suits or dresses like what we have. Their music was way different too. Sometimes they didn't have any instruments whatsoever because it reminded them of pagan festivals...

thanks to whoever shared this photo in "*the gothic christains*" group on facebook, and to adam4d,whoever that is, for making it.
BOTTOM LINE: The fruit of the spirit mixed with *thoroughly* sound teaching is what matters, not political rhetoric and clothes. Chuck Clayton was on our side about homosexuality and abortion but he still wasn't from God. There are more deceptions out there than just those. Lets all be careful in these times, as it will likely only get worse. Even the elect will be tempted and it gets more extreme as it gets closer to the end. Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves  "Harmless" means unmixed, pure,innocent. I don't think that means unmixed with clothes or outward things, I think it is a heart issue. Mixing rage, spite, name-calling, glorifying death and torture and violence happening to certain people (Arabs/Palestinians in this case), pride, and other carnal manifestations, perhaps even obscenity, with a Biblical standing on marriage and procreation or whatever else IS mixing, and is by no means harmless. Or wise (Proverbs 11:30 "The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who is wise wins souls."). I'm not referencing Trump here when I make this list, in case he really is doing all that, (idk if he still is, because I ignore the news media; I don't have a tv or want one) but I'm referencing "apostle" Chuck Clayton here. Btw. if you see these signs anywhere, I don't care where, beware.
Cultural and sub-cultural things that pertain to celebrations/customs, clothes, stories, art and etc aren't necessarily mixing, per se. Not that it never happens but it isn't automatically "mixing" in and of itself; it depends what the custom/item/etc. is, and the reasons people are doing it. Not understanding this damages mission work and evangelism anywhere outside of a certain kind of Westerners. Plus it opens the door to serious deceptions, within said group of Westerners, by liars who "look the part". Lets be careful and separate sheep and goats, ok?
Godspeed.
~Mother Star

Study of Native American Cultures and Beliefs and Being a Christian

I've been reading "The White Man's Gospel" by an Anashinabe (aka
Chippewa, Ojibwa, or Ojibwe) Christian minister.
When making the case that Christianity is really not "The White Man's gospel" or "The White Mans's religion" he points out the comparisons between the Isrealites/Jews and Native Americans. He said Jews were divided into twelve tribes, and when Jesus walked the earth as a man, he was a Jew and lived in the Jews native land, a place that was occupied by a conquering external power. They lived with Rome's laws and some of their own laws, and were surrounded by a mix of Rome's religion and their own... he made some other observations of life in 2nd Temple period Israel. It's very much like what Native Americans deal with today. They feel the same pain and much the same way about the situation though (I personally note that there were Zealots and Herodians, and in betweens, in Jesus' time. Different Jewish people had different ways of dealing with the situation, and they didn't necessarily agree or get along about it, and there was internal political struggles of sorts, and that's the way reservations are, especially Pine Ridge as I understand it....) He gets people to connect Christianity with its Jewish roots, and to relate the ways of the Jews with their own traditional ways where applicable and it is a way that breaks down some of the hostility and barriers.
He also notes something that I myself have noticed:
Salvation came through the Jews, but as far as the giving of the law and basic morals and rules to live by, as well as practices that instill and support those things, MANY - and perhaps even most or all, idk yet - tribes do indeed have a lot in common with ancient Jews. I've been noticing that myself and it is good to hear another Christian confirm that so I know it isn't my imagination or the enemy trying to deceive me...
He says he has been to many tribes and spoken with many medicine men about the Bible, especially the OT. A great many have said, after hearing about or studying the OT, that if somebody put down the history of their core beliefs down, and their stories of how it has developed and was given to them, it would be very much like the OT.
Israel even sometimes got deceived into mixing demonic and animistic practices with the worship of God, as the Bible records in some of the major and minor prophets, and it upset God greatly - as I'm sure the Cherokee and Lakotah and etc do when they do this as well. I think that is pretty much what has happened in many Indian religions, and it seems that this brother thinks so too.
He notices as I do, underneath the animistic and demonic practices (Satan can't create anything, he can only mess up what is), the commands and workings of God that were originally probably given to them by God, who they call "The great spirit" or something close to that. They do not, however, have the indwelling of the Holy spirit or claim to, nor do they profess the same kind of connection to "Ya" that we do. As far as I know, Judaism doesn't profess the same degree of connection and familiarity with God that Christ offers us either, though there might be and I just don't know about it. I have noticed some Lakotah calling Ha Shem the Great-Grandfather, though, but not anything like "Abba."
So when I post or write about the rites and stuff of the Lakotah or any other tribe, that is the stuff I am looking up and trying to bring out. There are things in there that I find helpful and maybe someone else will too. I am aware that there are other forces that are not good that work in these religions, who have brought in a lot of their stuff in that is not worth studying. I do find that if I study hard and dig, I will find stuff like that woven into about everything, sadly. But when people give the gist of it, the core, they primarily talk about the Great Mystery (aka, Ha Shem, I am pretty sure) and the things that they say will primarily be VERY uplifting and good. Its like hearing stuff from the bible explained in a really different way, with nature examples and perhaps hunting/hiking stories involved... If you try and go too deep though, you will hear about the other spirits who are not the Great Mystery, they are totally separate but are equally revered, and all the crap that they have added and continue to add (Mostly in the form of rules and complicated steps that people have to take, and must do just right in order to be right. Sounds familiar, huh? Its the devil) All of that stuff is useless, and does not have the same kind of beauty, or the same respect for women that attracted me to it all in the first place.
What got me into this stuff in the first place is, I was trying to find out what life was like for men in non-patriarchal societies. I just wanted to know. I ended up finding all this other great stuff and wound up extremely passionate about Native American issues and my own native heritage. It's been a journey, and I pray all the time that I will not get sucked into anything awful.
I hope that through sharing some bits of the discoveries along the road I can help somebody else. I keep putting scriptures with it, and if I can't find any scriptures that fit it without serious editing, it is a nice big, red flag for me. Thanks for any prayers going up about it.

Godspeed
~Mother Star

What I Have Learned About Mary

What I have learned about Mary.

Mary was, of course, Jesus' mom. One of the worst things that can happen to someone is to lose their kids and in her case, she didn't just lose him, she saw him crucified. That's a horrible way to die. She really went through a lot in her walk with God and in her obedience to God's call to be Jesus' mom.

Therefore,  I can believe the doctrine that Mary was assumed into heaven like Elijah and Enoch. Having him grow inside her would have created quite a bond, plus going through seeing the crucifixion. Neither Elijah nor Enoch could have suffered quite like her, or had opportunity to be that close to the Lord and develop so unique a relationship with the Lord as Mary. Therefore, once I think about it, I would actually find it harder to believe that she wasn't Assumed into heaven than that she was. There is no grave, anymore than there is a record of her rapture. Its something one has to just pray about and decide what they believe. Either way, its taken on faith. Once I considered it, it takes more faith for me to continue to  believe she wasn't. The only thing challenging about it for me is that it is a totally new concept to me.

As to the perpetual virginity, I didn't accept that for a long time because for a Jewish woman, that would have been like God giving somebody some radical "special grace" never to pray again! Sex in marriage is a Miztvah, in Judaism. Its like a sacrament is to Catholics and Lutherans and Orthodox and all the other liturgical churches... Its connected to holiness and is a part of participating in the life of faith - if one is married. Then my friend Mike who is an ordained Protestant minister and was studying the Orthodox church told me about a book called the Evangelion. Its written by James, the (step) Brother of Jesus. The book had used to be bound with it, and the Orthodox church still holds it sacred, although its not canonized as actual scripture as far as I know. Its Sacred in that it gives important historical insights and context and eyewitness testimony of things like the virgin birth and such. "Sola Scriptura" - scripture alone, was a Luther thing. The older churches all have something called sacred tradition and other things that they use to interpret the bible, and count them as Sacred along with the Bible, since it's kind of hard to understand scripture correctly without it. James wrote that Mary was indeed a virgin when Jesus was conceived and born, and also for the rest of her life. James' mom had died. His dad was very old, and did not feel he should remarry since he was so old, especially not someone as young as Mary. He married her because it became very clear that God wanted him to, long story short.
The reason Jesus had to get somebody else, specifically John, to look after his mom after he went to the cross was because she had no other kids. He was her only son, her only child. He had step-siblings though. “Thy mother and thy brethren are looking for you” it was Mary and His step siblings. James probably wrote all that to give eyewitness testimony that Jesus was indeed born of a virgin and such like. None of the gospels are eye-witness accounts of that particular part. James said that Jesus was virgin-born, and that Mary stayed a virgin all her life. Mike says James hinted that his dad couldn't actually do anything to change that... Joseph was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping with her because God himself had lived inside her. That plus he was very old.
James' writings about family life with Jesus were typically bound with the Bible, I guess. In his research, Mike says he learned that Catholicism tossed James' accounts of Jesus upbringing and his family stuff when the King James Bible was made. There was a compromise between Catholics and Protestants on the KJV Bible since King James wanted to make a Bible everyone would accept in order to unify his country. Protestants wanted the Evangelion of James removed because it supported doctrine that they did not maintain. Mike never found anything challenging its authorship, just “We don't want it in there because it supports doctrine that we don't have.” Mike didn't believe in the perpetual virginity either, until he read that book. So now I do actually believe in it too.
Mike has since started a ministry that includes Orthodox, Messianic Jews, Catholics, and Protestant Christians and gets everybody working together to reach out. He says some pentecostal ministers he knows try and explain their discomfort saying, “The perpetual virginity isn't in the Bible.” Mike's like, “They basically used to be. They were removed in order to prevent anything support those doctrines. Its not that the doctrines were made-up with no support or apostolic testimony. People changed the doctrines, then removed the texts that supported the beliefs that they didn't accept.” I'm annoyed actually, because for example, atheists on facebook made an anti-Christian cartoon, showing a fundamentalist tearing into aspects of Darwin's theory that aren't rock-solid-proven, then they are asked if Jesus was born of a virgin and if so how do they know. They said, smiling, "Yes, absolutely, because somebody is said to have written something to confirm it, that we don't have."  The truth is, we did have it and some people (Orthodox churches) still do. it was thrown out of the Catholic church because of denominationalism, basically. The Vatican and King James and the Protestant leaders were trying to stop rioting and war between Christians. Its totally embarrassing and shameful, but that's basically how it unfolded as far as I can so far tell. :( Now, without the apostolic account that the doctrine is based on, catholic teaching on the subject has Joseph, of an unknown age, living in celibacy with his wife in order to support God's call on her life to stay pure forever in honor of Jesus having been carried in her body.
I can see bits of the truth in there, like Joseph was wigged out because God had lived in her womb, and he felt he might be defiling, possibly, if he consummated the marriage. But in the absence of the foundation, the story has gotten a bit warped. They removed it to compromise with Protestants though. Of course you'll not likely hear that from catholic catechists, but that's what happened as far as I know now.
My thought is, Joseph married Mary out of submission to the will of God, not on his own will. He was old and extremely nervous about being with her after she carried God in her body. He submitted to God to be Mary and Jesus' protector and provider, and thus supported Mary's calling to be Jesus' mother. If God wished for her to stay a virgin forever, He picked the right guy for that, too. The East and West remain divided partly because of those minute differences in their doctrines, but I don't think they're incompatible. Joseph submitted to God to marry Mary, it was God's will not his. The call of God on Mary's life plus possibly Joseph's great age, brought it about that she was a virgin all her life, like the Lord intended. Mike says she was in a religious vocation at the temple, much like  what we call a nun, but for some reason it was decided that she should marry, and when the will of God was sought as to who it should be, it became obvious that God wanted Joseph for the job. If there were vows involved in that vocation she had previously been in, she never had to break them... Long story short, I see the two doctrines as very compatible. The Orthodox church has a document of apostolic authorship to back its story, the Catholic church doesn't. So I am inclined to side with the East if an argument arises but really, I don't see them as being incompatible.
It was James' testimony, relayed to me through my friend, that made me believe in the perpetual virginity. 

That leaves the Immaculate conception. I don't have anything to support it, really. The Immaculate conception is not the belief that Mary never committed any sins, but that she was born without original sin in order to make a pure vessel to carry Jesus in. I guess I can see the thinking behind it, so it doesn't bother me like it used to would have, but obviously I don't have anything to support that. Belief is a choice here, and I don't think it takes more faith to believe it, but less, like Jesus would be contaminated if it weren't for Mary's Immaculate conception. Mary could be born without original sin form a mom who had it, but God himself couldn't. IT doesn't increase my faith to believe that. Its not that I need to exercise my faith to believe it is possible. I chose, based on the fact that God seemed to be calling me to the Catholic church, to try embracing this doctrine. It has not done anything to help my faith, really. If anything it weakens it. So I am putting this one back on the shelf and saying, "Maybe. But I don't think so." I won't completely rule it out, but I don't think it was necessary, and if anything, the opposite may have been, but again I am not completely sure of that either.

So, I have still come a long way from my previous position on the Marian dogmas, and for awhile I embraced all four, and at the moment I won't rule the fourth out, but I am not really on board with it that much.

~Mother Star

Homosexuality - Living Out Christian Convictions In A Productive Way.

Have you guys hear about that doctor in MI who refused to treat a baby because she was being raised by "married" lesbians?

I assume she would accept the children of un-wed moms and cohabiting opposite sex couples (there are sooo many now, it would be hard to stay in business otherwise, I think), so why choose this sin on the part of the caregivers to refuse to take care of the baby over? If you think this is what standing up for your beliefs is, ask yourself if you refuse service to cohabiting couples or people who likely use drugs or drink heavily on a regular basis, or own a business that does things you don't believe in like sell porn or booze or whatever. If the answer is no, then you are not really standing for your beliefs but genuinely discriminating.
I recognize a need in the church for balanced teaching on how to respond to situations like this, and how to know if you really are compromising your faith or not when confronted with such people in a work or business environment, because so many Christians just don't know what to do and the enemy takes advantage by tempting them to do counter-productive stuff like this. Sometimes, people dothe wrong thing because they really do not know what to do.

Medical care for a child conceived in rape doesn't mean you condone rape. Medical care for a child raised by unmarried parents is not condoning cohabiting or fornication.
Medical care for a child raised by practicing homosexuals is not condoning homosexual behavior or giving your stamp of approval to same-sex marriage. Rather,  it just makes it harder for people who think they are homosexuals to find the truth, because those who carry the truth are not in any close personal contact with them.
Treat those who commit this sin different from how you treat other sexual sins, and your statement that you do not really discriminate or hate, and do not believe they are truly even different, starts to look silly. This behavior really does a lot to promote the gay agenda, and severely hurts the cause of Christ.
Now, refusing to participate in a same-sex wedding is refusing to actually participate in the sin, but refusing to work with the baby who is going to be raised in that environment? If it is not a refusal to participate in a sin, then refusing to serve someone in your business on grounds of the way they live outside of your business is indeed discrimination. Refusing to serve lunch in your restaurant to people caught in that particular stronghold? That is not helpful at all!

The point where it becomes necessary to refuse in order to live out your views is when you must participate. Involvement in a same-sex wedding is participating, obviously.
Serving lunch to a person in a same-sex relationship is not participating. Taking care of a baby is taking care of a baby, it is not participating. Helping

The gay-agenda has built its crocodile tears and emotional appeals on behavior like that, not on mere disagreement. This particularly true of appeals for laws that persecute and discriminate against Christians. More of the same will only make things worse. Balance. God created everything to function in balance. If we aren't in balance we are easy prey for the devil to tempt and to use.

Godspeed

~Mother Star.

On the Nature of Temptation

Not every thought or temptation we ever have necessarily gets encoded to long-term memory.
In order to report occasional same sex temptation or attraction, the mind/brain would have retain it. You have to give at least some amount of attention to something in order to remember it.

Depending on the wording of the question, anywhere from 10% to 45% of adult men report having fantasies involving same-sex activity. Those are just people have sat and entertained the thoughts for however long, possibly on more than one occasion. These things never originate with the person anyway, it all comes from satan, and not just same sex stuff but other things. We decide if we are going to hold the thought or not, and whatever else we might do with it.


Advertisers sometimes try to get people to associate products with unrelated things that they want or need. Sex being used to advertise credit cards, shoes, or etc is an example of that, as is Summer's Eve's unfortunate attempt to use women's career advancement goals to sell feminine deodorant. Likewise, the enemy tries to sell unnatural or even self-defeating things to people.

Like the advertisers attempts at sales, the enemy's ploys may or may not work, and may or may not even be remembered. He has probably tried stuff on me that I don't remember. I lived on the street a couple of times in my life, but do not recall ever being actually tempted by drugs. Ever. I'm sure he must tried it though. If you have any doubts about the rates of same-sex fantasizing, the links to sources are below. Keep in mind, even on anonymous studies, self report studies tend to be skewed by people giving answers closer to what their society would want to hear (See the section on "measurement bias" in section 2 of this UIC article).

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jsm.12734/full
http://www.businessinsider.com/which-sexual-fantasies-are-normal-2014-10

There is a very strong taboo about same-sex activity and temptation among American males in particular. If there is self-report bias here, it is more likely to be making the rates look smaller, not larger. Not recalling ever being tempted by SSAs, or anything else on the list of perverse thoughts and actions in this study, does not mean it has never been tried on you, or that it never will be. It does however, mean you are probably less likely to commit that particular sin, even in your thoughts. Many, many people who do not identify as LGBT and never acted out, and may never act these things out, with others have committed this type of sexual sin in their thoughts through lust.
Sexual fantasy is, in fact, a lustful sort of meditation that many people who are physically very chaste may battle with on the inside, and which the Holy Spirit can and will deliver people from.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

A Prayer for Widespread Redemption

Father,in Jesus' name, please give us strength. Your strength, not our strength. Not the "strength" of our anger or fear, not the strength of our reasoning or marketing-type strategies, not the strength of the world with its numbers and political agendas or machinations. But your strength God, to handle all of this. Lord,your wisdom is greater and stronger than anything we can find on earth or in ourselves.
Lord, I pray for the children being raised in same-sex romance households and I thank you for working in these situations to bring deliverance to parents and children alike. I thank you that at least in the midst of the darkness there, somebody is feeding and clothing these kids and taking them to school and hopefully at least caring about them. I thank you that the kids the Dean at my school and his "husband" are raising did not have to be separated after their parents' deaths.
No one can come to you unless they are drawn. We ask you to draw the people oh lord, that we cannot do anything for with our arguments or our best explanations. Lord, your ways are indeed higher than our ways and your thoughts than our thoughts. You do not forbid sin because you want to be mean and you have good reasons for everything. It is the Holy Spirit who convicts and convinces, not us. Forgive us when we have tried in our own strength to accomplish what only you can do.

In this time where so many in our culture insist on finding out the hard way the "why" behind your statutes, we thank you that even in the midst of this ignorance you will show yourself true and good. I pray lord that this avalanche of same-sex marriages will only serve to help social scientists and others gather the data they are missing that explains why you have set the rules that you have. I pray you will use even the things people think they want to show them that it is really what they don't want.
I pray God that what the enemy has used for harm, you will work for good. and turn his evil upon his own head, for the redemption of so many souls and lives. Ditto with the many other things he is doing on such large scales that are so wrong, here and abroad. Amen.
Lord, I pray for strength and wisdom for Pope Francis and other Church leaders to hold fast to what is right. I pray for repentance of those who have been deceived. I pray God for the light of truth.to enter in and heal.
I come against the distraction Lord, that turns so many good hearted people away from doing the things you have called them to do and they spend time and talents supporting a sinful lifestyle for a few people that should be spent making a real difference for many, or even for all people. I come against the spirit of pride, and the "I'm progressive, and ahead of all these other Christians. I have more revelation than the apostles, who wrote the sacred texts and said wrong, condemning things out of their ancient ignorance..." or "Humanity and time are all moving in one direction step by spend I am at the cutting edge. It is my job to straighten out the old misconception,s and the old-fashioned, narrow-minded people, and show the world the real Jesus who no one in the church has ever shown before...." and other such deceptions. I ask you Lord to use us who you have delivered from all these kinds of lies, and our little testimonies, to plant little seeds that will change the western world, not by our strength or wisdom or ability, but by your working what we never could do, for your own glory. I pray that you will help us to stay humble and keep a right spirit and attitude about how we go about doing things in this world for you. In Jesus'name, Amen.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Church Calender - Advent, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day

This isthe last season here is to talk about on the Catholic Church calender Advent is the time leading up to Christmas, much like Lent is the time leading up to Easter. Pentecostal and at least some Baptist churches do not do anything like this. Nondenominational churches usually don't either. 

Advent would probably have been the best season to big in with, and it is what we began with in RCIA.

Advent is a very reflective time. There is no"Gloria" in the Mass, but there is still "Alleluia" in the advent Mass.

Advent begins 4 Sundays before Christmas and ends on Christmas Eve right before the Vigil of Nativity. The advent special music is mostly the "O antiphons"such as "O Come All Ye Faithful." 

The music is toned down and supposed to be more reflective and subdued. It's like the calm before the storm, but in a good way. At Christmas, we pullout all the stops musically and decoration-wise.

At Midnight Mass, every Catholic parish on earth begins Mass at Midnight of December 25th and it lasts for at least an hour. As the earth turns, the praises go up and the celebration begins all around the world, "Happy Birthday Jesus, thank you for what you did." In our city, we have a really big music and art university. I think they had students from there doing the music. They had opera singers and a symphony and they did all the Christmas songs from our book. At the conclusion of Mass, they did the Halleluia chorus mixed in with, I think, Joy to the World. It was arranged beautifully, it flowed seamlessly from Joy to World, to Halleluia and back. It was awesome. We have an old church building designed with acoustics for a choir like that. It is the first time I have experienced anything like that live. It was so beautiful!

So that is why the toned down music and mood during Advent. It is to seriously ponder and take in everything that was going on with Mary's pregnancy and all the amazing things God was doing, and why. It also adds even more emphasis to the big bang of a celebration at Christmas.

There is something called an "Advent  Wreath" that holds four candles. Three of the candles are violet and one is rose-colored. You are supposed to light one each Sunday of Advent. An RCIA participant from the Methodist church says they have five candles and each one means something - love, hope, and etc. One of the teachers said "We don't have that much fun in the Catholic church. We just light the candles." I though that was funny.
The colors for Advent are, of course, violet and rose like the candles. Rose is just for the third Sunday, though. The priests wear violet vestments, except on the third Sunday. On the third Sunday, also called Gaudete Sunday, Catholic priests wear rose vestments.

More on Advent:

In addition to featuring advent wreaths, the environment is supposed to be one of elegant simplicity. There may be moderate use of flowers in keeping with the season and climate.

Really important Catholic feasts during Advent include:

The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception - December 8th, refers to the idea that Mary was sinless, not to the virgin birth.

The Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Patroness of the Americas - December 12th. This commemorates the Event that led to the conversion of indigenous communities in Mexico and Latin America. Reading this story has almost made me reconsider my position on the Marian dogmas I disagree with - almost. It has certainly given me a new respect for it.

In our parish and others in the Springfield, IL Diocese, we also have the Solemnity of the Dedication of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception on December 2nd.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Catholic Church Calender: Easter Time

In the Catholic Church, there is Easter Sunday and then there is Easter Time. It lasts for 50 days after Easter Sunday. It ends with Pentecost.

There are a great deal of flowers, like on Easter Sunday and the pulling-out-all-stops decor of Easter Sunday stay until Pentecost. There is a special dismissal chant for Easter and Pentecost.

The scripture readings in the Mass, (which are also at least some of the texts for the homilies Acts of the apostles, Revelation, and the Gospel accounts of Jesus time on earth after the Resurrection, the Ascension, and Pentecost.

The book of Revelation is interpreted very differently in the Catholic church than in Protestant churches. They do not teach that it foretells the end of the world. There is nothing frightening in it for them, for the Catholic church, Revelation is a book full of hope and there is nothing fearful in it. I have more study to do on it. I very much look forward to learning more about that, and then sharing what I learn.

Solemnities of the Octave of Easter - Every day for 8 days after Easter.

Special days in Easter Time include include:
Divine Mercy Sunday - The 2nd Sunday after Easter. It was Pope John Paul II's "special task," as he put it. St Faustina had some revelations during the time of Hitler's reign in Germany. It gave tremendous hope to the Polish Catholics who suffered in the concentration camps, one of whom later became a bishop and began the process that led to St. Faustina being made a Saint. The revelations of Divine Mercy are summed up in the statement that "Good triumphs over evil, life is stronger than death and God's love is more powerful than sin." This is revealed in Christ's cross, but St. Faustina''s very timely spiritual experience explained this in a way that made it very accessible to the understanding at a time when it was so urgently needed. It is also a message of the need for us all to forgive. During the Cold War, when John Paul II instituted this Special Day, and now when we hear of wars and rumors of wars everywhere, the Catholic church believes it is very important that those who follow Christ remember these revelations and ponder them. I agree. I really look forward eagerly to celebrating my first Divine Mercy Sunday and hearing/reading more teaching about it. I expect that it might need its own post!
The Feast of St. Mark the Evangelist. - April 25th
Solemnity of the Ascension of Our Lord - 40 days after Easter
Solemnity of the Feast of St. Matthais the Apostle - May 14th
Solemnity of Pentecost Sunday - 50 Days after Easter.

I see I will need to do more study of the book of Revelation, Divine Mercy Sunday, and the Octave of Easter. Those look like some pretty special and important subjects. Having been raised Pentecostal, and knowing that my pastor was raised Pentecostal, I wonder what kind of sermon I will hear on Pentecost.

If any of you see a special day or some other topic you would like me to investigate or inquire about, leave it in the comments below and I will see what I can do.

Take care and God bless.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Church Calender: The Triduum

The Triduum is the three days leading up to Easter. These are the holies days of the year on the Catholic church calender. I am really looking forward to celebrating these!

Holy Thursday:
Celebrates the Last Supper, and the gift of the Eucharist. It begins with the Mass of the Lord's Supper and ends as Good Friday Dawns.
The "Gloria" returns to the music in the Mass here, and they begin to use instruments more. there is still no "Alleluia" though.
The color for Holy Thursday is white, and the priest will wear white vestments.

The very special chant, called Pange Lingua is incorporated. It was written by Thomas Aquinas. In, English, it goes like this:

Only be the heart in earnest,
faith her lesson quickly learns.
Down in adoration falling,
This great Sacrament we hail,
O'er ancient forms of worship
Newer rites of grace prevail;
Faith will tell us Christ is present,
When our human senses fail.
To the Everlasting Father,
And the Son who made us free
And the Spirit, God proceeding
From them Each eternally,
Be salvation, honour, blessing,
Might and endless majesty.
Amen. Alleluia."

If you would like to hear someone singing it, albeit in Latin, click here.

Flowers are brought back for the decor, but it has to be a simple kind of elegance. Nothing extravagant. There is a Mass commemorating the Lord's Supper, and Eucharistic adoration
later on. If people cannot make it to Adoration, then they are encouraged to light some candles and say some special prayers when they get back from Mass, and again before bedtime.

Good Friday:

The Friday before Easter. 

Alter is bare, no flowers or other decorations. Holy Water fonts are even emptied. There is only one large cross for veneration. The color for this day is Red, for the blood of Christ's sacrifice that day.

There are reflective silences during service. It is not a mass.

Isaiah's prophecy of the suffering servant, the book of Hebrews: Jesus the great high priest. John's account of the Lord's passion.

There is still no "Alleluia", but the "Gloria" is still sung. Both are usually a regular part of the Mass.

The Gloria:

"Glory to God in the highest, 

and on earth peace to people of good will.

We praise you, 

we bless you, 

we adore you, 

we glorify you, 

we give you thanks for your great glory, 

Lord God, heavenly King, 

O God, almighty Father.

Lord Jesus Christ, Only Begotten Son, 

Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of the Father, 

you take away the sins of the world, 

    have mercy on us; 

you take away the sins of the world, 

    receive our prayer; 

you are seated at the right hand of the Father, 

    have mercy on us.

For you alone are the Holy One, 

    you alone are the Lord, 

    you alone are the Most High, 

Jesus Christ, 

with the Holy Spirit, 

in the glory of God the Father.

Amen." 

It's not so easy to find a recording of this, because people sing it every week and if they attend daily Mass, they sing it almost every day. I have noticed, living in different places, that the "Gloria" and the"Alleluia" have somewhat different musical arrangements,but similar ones, in different parishes. 

Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday

This begins with Vigil Mass after nightfall on Holy Saturday. It ends Easter Sunday Evening.

Instrumental music returns, and the Alleluia returns. The songs are very joyful. 

There is a lot of decoration; tons of flowers, full, beautiful decorations. It is the biggest day of the year, time to pull out all the stops. The Exsultet is chanted, which is lengthy enough I will save it for another day.

There are up to seven Old Testament scripture readings, which can make for a LOOONG Mass. Some perishes, including ours, shorten this. The Old Testament readings are accounts of salvation history. The covenant with Abraham and etc.

The second reading is from the Epistles, about how if we died with Christ we will live with him.

The Gospel readings are, of course, about the Resurrection.

I am  very much looking forward to experiencing this time in the Calender first and for the first time.I expect there will be a lot more to write about, then. I hope the Lord will give me grace to convey this  in a clear and interesting way.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Church Calender: Lent

Not everybody has Lent. Non-denominational churches often don't. Pentecostals don't. I don't think Baptists do.
In fact, the only days on their church calenders are Easter (some churches call it Resurrection Sunday, and using the term Easter is frowned upon) and Christmas. However, I guess some Protestant churches have the Church calender too. No feasts of Saints and there may be other differences, but these terms and concepts are familiar to, and even observed by, some Protestants.
So, for those that don't know, Lent is a time of fasting and repentance.
It begins on Ash Wednesday and ends at the start of Mass of the Lord's Supper on Holy Thursday.

In the worship service, there is no "Gloria" in the Mass and no "Alleluia" no instrumental music except as needed to support singing. The theme color is mostly violet, but on the 4th Sunday, AKA Laetare Sunday, the color is rose. The Priest's vestments are always the special colors.
The environment is stark simplicity during this time. There are no flowers in the decor.
The scripture readings come from the Old testament stories of Adam and Eve, and Moses and Abraham, and David, Jesus in the desert, and the Transfiguration.

The Solemnity of St Joesph, Jesus' stepdad, is on March 19th.
The Solemnity of the Annunciation, which is when the angel told Mary she was going to have a baby, it's also where the first part of the Hail Mary Prayer mostly comes from.

In our parish, we also have a Solemnity for the Dedication of St. Patrick's Church on March 17th.
That is a local solemnity, when we thank God for our church building that we have to meet and to hold his meetings in.

The Scrutinies: There is something going on at this time called scrutinies. They are very special rites for those preparing for Baptism, and they occur on the middle three Sundays of Lent. The people preparing for baptism are called the Elect. I have already been baptized in a Baptist church, and that baptism counts as my baptism in to the Catholic church too, because both are Christian in the eyes of the Catholic church. I have no idea if I will be doing the scrutinies or not, but I might be. either way, I will have to write more on this later.
The scrutiny gospels are: the woman at the Well, the man born blind that Jesus healed, and Lazarus being raised from the dead. I thing the Elect have rites that are reminiscent of these events, and must meditate on the lessons in these stories.

Palm Sunday Scriptures are about the triumphal entry, and Jesus passion at Gethsemane

Setting Yourself Free Through Releasing Other People

This exercise is aimed mostly at Christian people, of whatever sect, who have been wounded in or by the Christian community. It is hard sometimes, but it works. I must say,some of the injury I have had to let God help me to pardon are huge. It is not an insensitive thing for God to require this of us.it is love for us that drives this requirement.

Write down a list of everybody who has offended you,who has attacked you in the name of God for any reason, or any that can you can recall. People who, right to or wrong in their intent, they handled things the wrong way, anyway.

When done, begin at the top of the list and pray for each one of them, one by one. Don't say, "Oh God, change this person," say,"Lord, I thank you that at the cross, you paid for the mistakes they made against me and against any others they ever hurt. I thank you for the nails you took to pay the penalty for that sin against me, and to heal the rift between me and this person/this group of individuals. I thank you Lord for the good you have placed in them when you made them and called them from the foundation of the world. I ask you to heal any and all hurts in their life, that may or may not make them act ugly. I ask you to bless them, to touch their family, to grant them their dreams, and keep them safe from all harm. Let them know how deeply and truly you love them Lord,every day." If you find that you cannot do that, or that all you can do is say "God change this person, show them how bad/wrong they are/were" then you probably have unforgiveness against that person or group. In which case, then pray "Lord I choose to forgive ____, I release them to you. I accept your sacrifice on their behalf as enough to let them and all they ever did to me go. Forgive ME also Lord, for holding this grudge for so long when you have already taken care of this at such a great cost to yourself. If there are any other things I am holding onto Lord, or doing that are not Your plan for me,please convict me and show me, Amen." Then proceed with the blessing prayers. If you still can't do them, keep working with the other prayers, and worshiping, just focusing on /God's goodness and glory and what Jesus did for you and such like. Keep at it until you find deliverance. Corrie ten Boom,when faced with a worker from the concentration camp she'd been in, had to say, "God, I cannot forgive him. give me your forgiveness." Then she shook his hand, feeling nothing but coldness until their hands actually touched. THEN she truly felt warmth for the person. Sometimes it is not wise for us to have any contact with those who have hurt us,because they will do it again. It might even endanger some folks' lives! So just ask the Lord to help you say the prayer, and it will be like shaking that former Nazi's hand.
I strongly advise against  going out and telling people all the things you forgave them, for or telling others all the things you forgave them for. and other such like (unless perhaps you know for a fact they are sorry and have repented and are really hoping you would forgive them), Let it go.


You do not have to get back in relationship with a person to forgive them, especially if they don't want that and/or you would be likely to suffer again if you did so.
Forgiveness is one person's choice, relationship is a two-way street with responsibilities and expectations on both sides; it takes trust and give-and-take for it to work. Things don't have to be set for a relationship to work in order for you to practice forgiveness and set yourself free. 
This exercise, and forgiveness is between you and yourself and God, not so much you and them.
You need to let them go, not fix them. Fixing them is between them and themselves and God, not you.

Also some relationships will just have to change. You may not trust someone with your money again, you may not want to marry them, or to date them, or to let them babysit your kids or drive your car or whatever. You may become like friendly acquaintances, or be friends, but not be BFFs anymore. Or, you might be fully restored someday, but not right now and not even be planning on it. 

Unforgiveness is bad for ones health, physically and emotionally, and leaves open door for Satan to wreak havoc in ones' life in numerous of ways.
Remember who the real enemy is, you have only one. None of us are called to fight any people, ANY people; we have only one enemy, who is the enemy of all. 

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Catholic Church Calender: Ordinary Time

"Ordinary" means "ordinal," here. It does not mean "boring."

Ordinary time comes in two parts. The first part comes between The Solemnity of the Baptism of Our Lord and ends the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday.
The second part begins the day after Pentecost, and ends the day before Advent begins.

Solemnities celebrated during ordinary time include:
Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, - the Sunday after Pentecost.
Solemnity of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ (Corpus Christi), - the Sunday after the Most Holy Trinity.
Solemnity of St. John the Baptist, - June 24th.
Solemnity of Saint Peter (called the first Pope) and Saint Paul (author of many epistles) - June 29th
Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Mary the Mother of Jesus) - August 15
Solemnity of All Saints - November 1. Note that the Eve of All Saints, aka All Hallows, is Halloween.

Some Solemnities are particular to groups or regions. For exmple, the Parish I am in Celebrates the Solemnity of the Anniversary of the Dedication of St. James Church,which is one of the churches in our Parish. St Patrick's Day is a Solemnity in Ireland, but a Feast everywhere else. You get the idea, I think.

The decor is supposed to be plants and flowers. The readings come mainly from the Old Testament prophets, Paul's Epistles, and the Gospels where there is teaching on a variety of topics.
The color for this season ( I forgot to tell you the Colors for Christmas) is Green, whereas Christmas is White. The Priest's vestments are green in ordinary time and White during Christmas, and have other colors for the other times in the religious calender.

As of this writing, next Sunday will be the Solemnity of the Baptism of Our Lord and after it, the Christmas decorations will come down. parishioner have been asked to stay a few minutes and help. I am greatly looking forward to serving in my new church for the first time.
Our Parish is a amalgamation of two parishes, St. James and St Patrick. They have the same pastor but hold special events at one place or another, and hold regular masses at different times, usually an hour or two apart. I am hoping to make it to both services so I can help take down decor at both churches. I have no idea how short handed they are or are not likely to be. I will find out how much the parishioners here like to help out,and whether or not the 80/20 rule applies here, when I get there.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Catholic Church Calender: Christmas Time

I will start with the time we are in now, which is still Christmas. If you are one of those people who wishes Christmas lasted longer than it does, you would appreciate the Catholic way of celebrating.
Christmas time in the Catholic Church lasts for several weeks.

Here is a brief list of the times and seasons on the Catholic religious calender.
Christmas time
Lent
The Triduum
Easter
Ordinary Time (from the word "ordinal" since it is ordered by numbers, not "boring" or "blase" time!)
Advent

A Solemnity is the highest ranking of all the special days on the Calender. A Holy Day of Obligation means that it is required to go to Mass that day. Holy Days of Obligation are always Solemnities, but Solemnities need not be Holy Days of Obligation.
A Feast Day is a Holy Day that commemorates an event, a mystery, a person. There are Feast days for every saint in the canon, and not enough days in the year to assign every single day to only one saint.

A shot of the handout from RCIA class, the page on Christmas Time, obviously.

That being said, today we are talking about Christmas Time.
Christmas Time starts with the Vigil of Nativity, held on December 24th, the day before the Solemnity of the Nativity of Our Lord, which is Christmas Day.
December 26th is the Feast of Saint Stephen,who was the first Christian Martyr ("Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen..." Now you know what that refers to!).
December 27th is the Feast,of Saint John, the Apostle, evangelist and author of the Gospel of John,one of Jesus' twelve disciples.

December 28 is the Feast of the Holy Innocents, the babies who got killed in and around Bethlehem, age two years old and younger, when Herod was after Jesus. They are ranked with martyrs and remembered during this special time each year. They were sainted collectively, as only God knows their names now, and are the Patron Saints of babies. I thought that was interesting. We should probably ask them to pray for us to succeed in the fight against infanticide/abortion. It can't hurt anything...

The Sunday after Christmas is the Feast of the Holy Family - Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.
January 1, New Year's Day, is the Solemnity of Mary, It is meant to coincide with Jesus' circumcision.
The Sunday after January first is the Solemnity of the Epiphany of Our Lord, which means Christ Jesus being revealed to humankind - our epiphany of knowing Him and who He is.
Christmas Time ends with the Feast of the Baptism of Our Lord, which is the Sunday right after Epiphany.

All the Church's decorations - Christmas trees, poinsettia's, and Nativity figures - stay up until after the Feast of Jesus Baptism. Christmas Carols are sung all the way through the season, The scripture readings, which are the texts for the homilies, cover the accounts of Jesus' birth, the visit of the magi, and finally, Jesus' Baptism.

Enjoy the rest of the Christmas Season!

Godspeed.

~ Mother Star

On the Need for Love

Well, I just celebrated Christmas with my "family."
My biological family is no where near me ,and - while I still care about them - I definitely intend to keep it that way.
I have hated Christmas for years. Ever since my grandma became ill when I was around seven years old, the whole holiday season from Thanksgiving through New years went downhill. Until now.
Grandma's death, my parents' divorce, my grandfather's re-marriage, my maternal Grandmother's dementia, later more deaths, estrangements and a singularly unfortunate remarriage, eventually took me essentially to the point where I have no "family", as such.
Until now?
My friend Matt's family has sort of adopted me.
So today I played with my adopted nieces and hung out with my adopted family in-law and my sort of surrogate ma and pop.

They gave me three presents, which I did not care as much about as getting to be there and hangout with everybody, and being wanted there.
They did not care that I had nothing to give them, I did not have to make excuses. My presence was enough. I did not have to be told, I knew it. I never thought that would happen again.
My blood family is not like that, entirely.
No one talked about anything awful, except maybe me at one point, and it was mild compared to the unpleasantness my relatives would likely hash out. It was a nice, innocent, drama-free Christmas. A lot of us were mildly ill, including me, but it was still fun.

A picture taken by my sort of adopted sister-on-law

Many years were spent going on about how I stood alone and needed no one, as I had learned to survive that way.

I had a clear shot at a great job closer to my blood relatives that paid very well. I liked it. But I needed to be nearer to people who cared about me. Even though I am again stuck in the no.2 most declining economy in the nation, I am still happy to be here because there is hope,and here there are people who actually love me and are also healthy enough to know how.

At the end of your life, what will be most important to you? Your bank account and assets, or moments like these? For me, I know the economics will turn around. My dreams can and will be pursued and hopefully won. The main reason I am happy though is not about career or education or resources. What really brought me to IL and keeps me returning here is the need for love.
A need I am no longer afraid to acknowledge that I have.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families, he leads the prisoners out with singing..."

Adventures in RCIA - The Saints: Our Assignment from Pastor John

Pastor John has asked us RCIA participants to write a report on a saint, who ever would like to be our Confirmation name.
I chose to write about Teresa of Avila, a.k.a. Teresa of Jesus. Here's my paper.

 Saint Teresa of Avilla is symbolized by a heart, an arrow and a book. She is the patron Saint of headache sufferers and Spanish Catholic writers. Teresa of Jesus was Born 1515 and died in 1582.

Beatified by Paul V in 1614 and canonized by Gregory XV in 1622, she was voted patroness of Spain, but the vote was not confirmed¹.

Teresa of Avilla had many trials. Her parents were too strict¹. She got confused sometimes, and continuously feared she would do something wrong. I can relate. She had experiences with God she had questions about, and I often find myself there too. She got a got boy crazy when she was young, as did I. She struggled to keep her mind on prayer, as I do off and on, yet her prayer life became deep when she stayed committed to it. She felt that people often thought better of her than they should. She suffered with poor spiritual council sometimes², and was several times disappointed with places that were supposed to help her become closer to God². I can understand all that. She saw an unhealthy and unhappy marriage and was scared to get married¹. I can understand that well. In her order, she lived in poverty, had many challenges¹, and spent a tremendous amount of time alone². I am not in an order, but that draws me to her especially. She started many convents, almost like an apostle of convents.

Teresa of Jesus knew her place in relation to devils, and how to fight them². When she decided to join an order, she was so determined that hell itself couldn't have stopped her, even though she was kind of torn up about it in some ways. She did not exercise her gifts for writing with confidence, it was submission to God or her leaders that made her go through with it². I am very glad that she did so!

I read “The Interior Castle” in 2006, and it helped me tremendously. It is one of the things that drew me to the Catholic church. I infer from her writing, in both her autobiography that I am reading now and The Interior Castle, that she had very low self-esteem. God seemed to meet her needs where she was weakened and likely to sin by showing her how much He loved her and how valuable she was to him. That seems to be how God handles me sometimes too. Oddly, I feel a bit less alone when I read her words, and it stirs up a flame in my heart for God. I have a blog and do a lot of serious writing; I hope my words may help at least a few people half as well as hers have done, for me and many others.

Bowing in presence of God felt strongly during music at Christan Festival. Song where God is our spouse, like The Interior Castle talked about. Song was, "Come to Me." by Dark Valentine.

References

1. Catholic.org. “Saints and Angels – Teresa of Avilla.” Retrieved from

        http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=208

2. E. Allison Peer. The Autobiography of Teresa of Avilla. Image Books, Garden City, NY. 1960. 

Adventures in RCIA - Communion/The Eucharist and Perpetual Adoration

Hi,
I am Mother Star, and I am joining the Catholic Church. I have been protestant most of my life, and have been involved in ministry in Protestant churches and ministries, up to and including preaching on one occasion.
Advenetures in RCIA is about finding God in Catholicism, and how Catholicism is the same or differs from protestantism of various types. Naturally, I can only go with what I have been exposed to, and I have not attended every church in the world. These comparisons are a synopsis of what I know and believe, based on my experiences in multiple churches and my own walk with God. You might have a different experience. I respect that, and appreciate your respecting mine.

Adventures in RCIA is not, I repeat in NOT  an attempt to convert more people to Catholicism. I do not like the term "convert" used in this sense anyway. I do not feel like I am converting to anything; I am moving on in my walk with God, learning more about God and the worldwide church family I have long been a part of, and approaching or experiencing God in - for me - a new and fresh way. That's what's going on with me and Catholicism, just to make that clear.

I am going to include a video with this post, but it may take sometime to finish, so I will add that when it is complete.
Thanks and God bless

~Mother Star

Sometimes I Worry About Losing My Faith

"To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— 25 to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."
Jude 1:24

Since it'sChristmas season, I thought now would be a good time to write about how the Christmas story and the whole story of Christ turns our deeply held concepts about "power" upside down. In the process, I am also working out an issue that a struggle with in my spiritual life.

I have been exposed to evolution teaching and many other kinds of teaching. It doesn't bother me one way or another.  If I accept the part of what they say that were convincing - not all of it was - and even if accept thestuffthat wasn't, it does not change anything of substance. I don't worship God because God made the world in six days by a certain method. I worship God because I have litarally seen miracles, because I have obeyed and seen it work, and disobeyed and seen it not work. I worship God because I have experienced God's grace and God's love first-hand. If I think the creation story is metaphoric, the important parts that alter how I live my life and believe the universe works are still there. My soul-realm (mind, emotions and will) does not cause me problems because of "science". My weakness is not found there. My weakness is found in the area of gender, and cross-cultural study. Satan always uses our gifts to try to destroy us.

I have been deeply blessed by exposure to matriarchal and matrilineal societies,indirectly. In a way, it feels like I have been cursed by it. Trying to present God to a culture like that, and in some ways to my own mind as I have changed through this education, becomes a challenge. I think part of it is that the biblical scholars on whom I rely for information have the same problem as traditional anthropologists - they are raised with patriarchy and it blinds them.

What constitutes "power"? What image comestoyour mind when you hear that word? Do you have an image
of something violent? Something or someone that you want on your side for physical reasons? Fear-based reasons? What do you believe "power" is?

The Minagkabau, a matrilieal culture in Indonesia, have a very different image of power than Wessterners and other traditionally patriarchal cultures do. Their name means "Victorious Buffalo" in their langage. The story behind it goes as follows:

The Javanese and the Minang had a battle of sorts overwho would control what is now Minang territory. The Javanese are patriarchal and more warlike than the Minang. The Javanese combatantwas a great Bull Buffalo,but theMinang had a very hungry baby Buffalo,withknoves affixed to its head. When the Minag's Baby Buffalo entered the combat zone, he or she darted under the Javanese Bull in search of nipples for nursing, which of course the Bull did not have. Because of the knives on it's head, itgored the Bull to death and won the battle without even understanding battle or intending to trying to win one.

The Baby Bull only did what nature programed it to do, it had no thought of battles or power or "glory." This story demonstrates a major underpinning of Minang worldview: out of weakness comes strength.
Naming themselves for the Victorious Baby Buffalo in this story keeps this philosophy tied to who they are,howthey identify themselves. Jesus,our saviour, did not come to save us swinging 5 ft. claymores, screaming battle cries, and dropping carcasses left and right. That is what many expected him to do. He came as a helpless baby. He was born into peril, and into a kind of slavery. He was born to an oppressed and subjugated minority teenager, in circumstances that could have easily been misconstrued and led to a lot more trouble.

Did Jesus saves by "kicking butt"? No. He saved us by giving his life for seemingly nothing. The tyrants did not fall, prisons didn't burst open and free everyone in them. The economic situation remained the same. No unjust laws were repealed. On the cross, He shouted, "I thirst," he was not too proud to make His needs known. The veil of the temple was torn, making it clear that something big was done. Saints who had died rose and spoke to many during that time. Yes, crazy things happened, but not the kind of things we are prone to worry about. The obvious miracles that day were not what we equate with success and power. If there is one thing our God is not, it is a chest-thumping, pig-headed, patriarchal-enculturated male on a power-trip. That is not the YHVH Jesus reveals to us.

When I measure power by the production and violence-based, patriarchal, Western way, Jesus is not very impressive. If I measure it the "matriarchal" (that word is kinda inaccurate about everybody it is applied to due the "arch" in it. They are not so hierarchical as we are) way, Jesus becomes incredibly awesome. This time of year, we celebrate a woman who accepted profound shame among her people though an "unplanned" pregnancy. We celebrate a relatively poor man who swallowed his pride and married her anyway, accepting the financial responsibility (because it was a patriarchy) for a baby that wasn't his. We mainly celebrate a baby born into terrible circumstances, who lived a hard, short earthly life, and died for us by torture and injustice. On the third day, He rose again. They all were willing to suffer whatever for God's will, which was to save us. This is the example we're supposed to follow, and and the priorities we are supposed to measure our lives by.

In being directly opposed to our image of power and how it functions or can be measured, the Minang worldview is actually probably one step closer to the God we at least say that we serve. The problem arises when I read Scripture about how this society runs its home and how their different worldview leads them to organize their society. It actually works well and has provided them mellinia  of stability, but flies in the face of the way I am told God wants family life ordered. The image of abig umbrella with Jesus' name on it,followedby a smaller umbrella that says husband/father, and another smaller one below it that says "Wife/mother" and etc. Is where I have problems. I really don't believe it. Most of the scripture people use to support that, I can see how it could mean something else, but I don'tseehowIcoudserve a God who institutes an less functional and senseless system

I sometimes worry that,through studying these things I will become so alienated from the patriarchal-thinking church leaders, freinds and elders I know and end up unable to recieve encouragement from anybody's messages, unable to minister to anyone around me, and and end up losing my faith.