Is Mother Star an "Ex-Gay"? No.

I am not "ex-gay" I am not "ex-bi" I am not "ex-"anything because who and what I am have absolutely nothing to do with anything I have ever been tempted to do, ever thought, or ever done.
Rejecting the identity I used to have for myself is about being true to myself, the real me, the God-created me that is always there and that I am continually growing into and becoming in so many ways. Actually, its happening in ALL ways, not just in the area of sexuality.

I did not and do not go around all day name-it-claim-it-blab-it-grab-it-ing heterosexual temptations and interests into my life. If that helps you, go for it, if not than don't.

If at some point, for a brief time or for longer, homosexual temptations begin to resurface, that doesn't mean you are losing anything, it means you are being tempted. Thats all there is to it.
Temptations do not make a person who they are. I had a homosexual urge very strong and unexpected about two or three years ago, triggered by a video I had seen many times and that had no sexual content in it, just a lady playing guitar. I had never had that response to it before. I looked away, prayed and looked back. I still felt the same way. I actually threw a towel over it and thought, "this is ridiculous..." and I prayed and asked God what to do and felt he was saying I needed to make a decision. Do I believe in who I am or not?
Well, I usually do not advocate talking much TO the devil, because he doesn't deserve it. Say be gone in the name of Jesus and that's it. So, instead I said, "I don't know why you are able to do this to me, but I know its from you and not me. I choose not to care if I still feel like this again for years, I KNOW WHO I AM. And THAT ISN"T IT! Period." I did not say that just in an effort to make the temptations go away, like "abra cadabra, battle is all finished and out of my face" or "if I say this, than it will stop" or "If I say this than I won't 'change back' and be gay or bi again" or any such. I *didn't* actually know if it would stop if I said that, and I didn't care. I chose not to care, like it was a decision. I meant exactly what I said. I knew what I believed about who I was, I knew he was attacking that, like sometimes he will attack your faith in God, your belief in your call, or in somebody you are close to, or your finances or whatever. He was attacking my identity, but his attacks did not have the power to change it, or even merely what I believed about it, without my agreement/consent. I was determined not to give in, regardless of how long the attack should last. I actively decided also not to even think about length of time it might last and get worried if I could fight that long. Just think "No." End of story.
I removed the towel and went on watching the video, steeled inside to endure whatever attacks, because there was no way I was going to be running away from attacks endlessly and perhaps end up cooped up in the house looking at nothing for however long. Why should I? Those temptations had no real power, not unless I gave it that power and I intended not to.

Well, when I took off the towel and turned the vid back on, everything was back to normal and the attack was over.
He was testing me when he knew I was weak due to having lost pretty much everything I had over the year or two leading up to that moment, and due to being sick and snowed in and unable to get through the weather to church for two or three weeks in a row. I was hurting, I had no idea where it was all going to end, or where I went wrong - if I did - to end up that way and etc. I was broken in very many ways, but my faith was not and my will was not. I was down, but not out. I guess that was what I was being checked for, to see if I was still alive in there, or If I was done with and defeated - or at least defeatable... By God's grace, I was not.
By God's grace I never will be, and sexual sins are not the only things that applies to, just one of many.
DO I know for sure I will never ever be tested again? No. I don't care either. I know who I am, and that is all I need to know about the subject.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star

A Prayer for Widespread Redemption

Father,in Jesus' name, please give us strength. Your strength, not our strength. Not the "strength" of our anger or fear, not the strength of our reasoning or marketing-type strategies, not the strength of the world with its numbers and political agendas or machinations. But your strength God, to handle all of this. Lord,your wisdom is greater and stronger than anything we can find on earth or in ourselves.
Lord, I pray for the children being raised in same-sex romance households and I thank you for working in these situations to bring deliverance to parents and children alike. I thank you that at least in the midst of the darkness there, somebody is feeding and clothing these kids and taking them to school and hopefully at least caring about them. I thank you that the kids the Dean at my school and his "husband" are raising did not have to be separated after their parents' deaths.
No one can come to you unless they are drawn. We ask you to draw the people oh lord, that we cannot do anything for with our arguments or our best explanations. Lord, your ways are indeed higher than our ways and your thoughts than our thoughts. You do not forbid sin because you want to be mean and you have good reasons for everything. It is the Holy Spirit who convicts and convinces, not us. Forgive us when we have tried in our own strength to accomplish what only you can do.

In this time where so many in our culture insist on finding out the hard way the "why" behind your statutes, we thank you that even in the midst of this ignorance you will show yourself true and good. I pray lord that this avalanche of same-sex marriages will only serve to help social scientists and others gather the data they are missing that explains why you have set the rules that you have. I pray you will use even the things people think they want to show them that it is really what they don't want.
I pray God that what the enemy has used for harm, you will work for good. and turn his evil upon his own head, for the redemption of so many souls and lives. Ditto with the many other things he is doing on such large scales that are so wrong, here and abroad. Amen.
Lord, I pray for strength and wisdom for Pope Francis and other Church leaders to hold fast to what is right. I pray for repentance of those who have been deceived. I pray God for the light of truth.to enter in and heal.
I come against the distraction Lord, that turns so many good hearted people away from doing the things you have called them to do and they spend time and talents supporting a sinful lifestyle for a few people that should be spent making a real difference for many, or even for all people. I come against the spirit of pride, and the "I'm progressive, and ahead of all these other Christians. I have more revelation than the apostles, who wrote the sacred texts and said wrong, condemning things out of their ancient ignorance..." or "Humanity and time are all moving in one direction step by spend I am at the cutting edge. It is my job to straighten out the old misconception,s and the old-fashioned, narrow-minded people, and show the world the real Jesus who no one in the church has ever shown before...." and other such deceptions. I ask you Lord to use us who you have delivered from all these kinds of lies, and our little testimonies, to plant little seeds that will change the western world, not by our strength or wisdom or ability, but by your working what we never could do, for your own glory. I pray that you will help us to stay humble and keep a right spirit and attitude about how we go about doing things in this world for you. In Jesus'name, Amen.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - Dispelling Some Myths About the Pope, Pt. 1

Recently, I asked my pastor, who has a great deal of education in Catholic theology, and is, of course, a Catholic priest, if the Catholic church thinks the pope is "prophet, priest,and king" like some Protestants say that they do.

He said the pope is prophet, priest and king by virtue of his baptism, just like every other baptized believer. He said not "every believer" because demons believe too, and this does not apply to them. He said a Christian is a little Christ.
The role of a prophet, according to catholic church is basically a witness of God's Word (and I think there were a few other things he mentioned and I couldn't write that fast, but I think he was elaborating on "a witness of God's word"). The Role of a priest is to offer sacrifices (and again I think there were a few other things he mentioned and I couldn't write that fast) and king is a ruler.
As believers we have the job, and are equipped by the holy spirit, to be witnesses of God's word. As believers, it is also our job to offer sacrifices, first of all in gratitude and praise, and also offering ourselves, and offering our lives - our struggles, our joys, etc,etc, etc. to God.
We have responsibility and ability given by god to be rulers of ourselves. Living by the spirit, saying no to the flesh, and again these are rights/abilities given to us by God, and by God's power we exercise them.
My baptism in a baptist church ten years ago counts as my baptism into the catholic church, because protestants are counted as Christians in official catholic doctrine as long as they believe in the Trinity. So my baptism, and your baptism all would make us "little Christs" and therefore prophets, priests and kings/queens, like Christ but on a smaller scale, every bit as much as the pope is. That's official Catholic doctrine. The text cited for this is the same as I got in the "who you are in Christ" things I have read in the Protestant world, 1 Peter 2:9, and several verses around it, likely familiar to most of us.
He said that is how the Pope is Prophet, Priest and King, and that is the ONLY way he is those three things, "The Pope is not 'King of the church, or anything like that,'" he said, "absolutely not".
I really feel like my job, through going through this process, is to remove barriers and lies people believe about each other by sharing what I am learning as I go. Lots of Protestants have exaggerated ideas about what Catholics think of the Pope, including me up until recently. This was really big news to me, to learn this today. Perhaps it will be for you too.
Godspeed.

Adventures in RCIA - Deliverance Ministry in the Catholic Church PT. 3

Several more good points from Fr. Gabriel Amorth's book, An Exorcist Tells His Story.

Fr. Amorth notes a common complaint of any who study deliverance ministry. There are various degrees of impact that evil spirits can make on a person's life. There is no set terminology for these various degrees. It can work rather like a continuum, though there are instances where Satan's ability to work in a person's life can take a big jump. More on all that later.
Like most books on the topic, Fr. Amorth puts forth a set of terms he uses in his own text and which should not be assumed to apply to any other text on the subject.

Levels of demonic activity according to Fr. Gabriel Amorth:
Ordinary activity: just regular temptations and the crap that happens to obstruct our work for the Lord or distract us from our calling. Those were not his words, obviously, but that's the gist of it.
External Physical Pain: being physically flogged, beaten or pummeled by demons.
Possession: Totally taking over the body, but not the soul, of the victim. Making actions where the victim is unaware of what happens and is not voluntarily participating.
Oppression: Fr. Amorth defines this as being struck by the devil in health, jobs or relationships. Job and the woman Jesus healed of being bent over for 18 years are examples of his definition of oppression.
Obsession: Difficult to differentiate from mental illness. Victim experiences sudden attacks or sometimes ongoing obsessive thoughts. They may or may not be rationally absurd. Person lives in a perpetual state of desperation, prostration, or suicide attempts. If examination by a qualified professional yields confusing results, no resemblance to any known disorders, priest may attempt an exorcism.
Subjugation or Dependence: People fall into this when they voluntarily submit to Satan, such as through blood pact or some other ritual consecration.


I will include some further insight and detail from Lester Sumrall's teaching on the subject, which uses a different set of terms. Therefore I will have to explain this additional set of terms.
I want to stress that in no case should a Christian, be they Catholic, Protestant, or Orthodox, ever be afraid of Satan.



Lester Sumrall
Regression -  moving backward. First red-flag of a negative power at work. Going backward, not forward. Could be caused just by you, especially when too reliant on your own strength.
Repression - to restrain or squeeze. Restrains expression. Not permitted to be oneself probably sign of repression. Destroy natural expression of personality, takes away joy out of the person's life.
Suppression - Press under, to keep back, to conceal, an exclusion of desire and feeling
Depression -   to be low in spirit to have gloominess, a decrease in feelings of hopelessness or inadequacy
Oppression - pressure or power to crush, power to smother, to overpower another power, to overwhelm, to harass, to ravish, to rape.
Obsession - In the first 5 you can deliver yourself. this one, you need someone else to help you. To besiege, to haunt, to be fixed on a  single idea to an unreasonable degree. Mind no longer clear
Possession - To inhabit, to occupy, to control, to hold as property, to dominate, to actuate, to rule by extraneous forces.
Not everyone afflicted of the devil comes into it through the same order of steps. There might be other things, or steps might be skipped or things may occur in a different order. This process need not be carried all the way to complete possession. Nevertheless, this rough sketch of common series of conditions is helpful.

You must yield to Satan for him to gain control of you. Satan seldom takes a life completely in one shot. It is normally an incremental process, sometimes it takes years, sometimes the process is much faster than this if you give in very quickly. You do not have to realize it is Satan you are yielding to, It could be you think it is to your own feelings or your own mind, or to a spirit of a deceased person or an angel or something else. Rarely do people knowingly submit to the enemy.

Being very deeply involved in sin can lead to the enemy having a profound hold on a person.
"Submit therefore to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:7

Adventures in RCIA - Deliverance Ministry in the Catholic Church Pt.2

As promised,
Here are several prayers of deliverance included in Fr. Amorth's book An Exorcist Tells His Story:

Prayer Against Malifice (including hexes)  from the Greek Ritual:
Kyrie eleison. God our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful, and All-mighty, you who made everything and who transforms everything  simply by your will. You who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the seven-times-hotter furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the Salvation of those who turn to you. We beseech you to make powerless, banish. and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against your servant [name]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory and charity. O Lord, you who love humankind, we beg you to reach out your powerful hands and your most high and mighty arms and come to our aid. Help us, who are made in your image; send the angel of peace over us, protect us body and soul. May he keep at bay ans vanquish every evil power. every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people. Then, under the protection of your authority may we sing, in gratitude, "The Lord is my Salvation, whom shall I fear? I will not fear evil because you are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages."


The Anima Christi (Soul of Christ)
Soul of Christ, sanctify me. Body of Christ, save me. Blood of Christ, inebriate me. Water from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ, strengthen me. O good Jesus, hear me; within your wounds, hide me. Let me never be separated from you. From the evil one, protect me. At the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to you, that with your saints I may praise you forever and ever.
Amen.


Prayer for Inner Healing
Lord Jesus, you came to heal our wounded and troubled hearts. I beg you to heal the torments that cause anxiety in my heart. I beg you in a particular way, to heal all who are the cause of my sin.
I beg you to come into my life and heal me of the psychological harms that struck me in my early years and and from the injuries they caused me throughout my life.
Lord Jesus, you know my burdens. I lay them all on your Good Shepherd's Heart. I beseech you - by the merits of the great, open wound in your heart - to heal the small wounds that are mine. Heal the pain of my memories, so that nothing that has happened to me will cause me to remain in pain and anguish, filled with anxiety.
Heal O Lord all the wounds that have been the cause of all the evil in my life. I want to forgive all those who have offended me. Look to those inner sores that make me unable to forgive. You who came to forgive the afflicted of heart, please, heal my own heart.
Heal, my Lord Jesus, those intimate wounds that cause me physical illness. I offer you my heart. Accept it, Lord, purify it and give me the sentiments of your Divine Heart. Help me to be meek and humble.
Heal me, O Lord, from pain caused by the death of my loved ones, which is oppressing me. Grant me to regain peace and joy in the knowledge that you are the Resurrection and the Life. Make me an authentic witness to your Resurrection, your victory over sin and death, your living presence among us. Amen.

God's church still stands,against every evil and against every deception and every dark power. And on the Word, we will stand, now and forever. Amen.
A testimony from my missionary friend Rob about confronting witchcraft:
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7
I can remember back in 2004 I was preaching in the streets of Uruguay, South America. I watched as a woman slowly made her way through the crowd and over to me and the pastor. "I need you to come and clean the evil spirits out of my house" she said to us. We agreed and we were on our way! As we were approaching the house, the woman told us that she was a witch and that she was ready for a life change. She then told us that her husband hated God and Christians, and that he would be home any moment. She let us know that if he caught us in their house, he would kill us. 'Well then we better get started!' I said nervously. She began to show us around her house and show us all of the things she would use in her spells and incantations. I figured it would be best to follow the book of acts model, and I asked her if she was ready to know Jesus right then. She responded that she was, and then I proceeded to say 'we need to burn all of it'” She agreed, and before we knew it we had a great bonfire going on her backyard. She gladly received Jesus, renounced all of the witchcraft - and that was when her husband came home. He glared at us menacingly, face beet red and fists clenched. As he tried to attack me, he couldn’t. An invisible force literally held him back, and he fled to his bedroom and slammed the door. That is the power of our God friends; His Son Jesus is the true Mystic Secret of heaven!"

Adventures in RCIA - Deliverance Ministry in the Catholic Church pt. 1

Deliverance ministry was a huge thing for my family when I was growing up and has been important in my life in many ways. Thus, when I felt led to become Catholic, the first thing I started researching was deliverance ministry and exorcism. There is no information on this offered on our RCIA classes, so I have been investigating on my own. I can't help comparing things to what I knew growing up. Since most of this blog series is about ecumenism, I feel I should include those thoughts here as well, so I did.

In "An Exorcist Tells His Story," Fr Gabriel Amorth, a Vatican exorcist, mentioned several things that struck me.

His opening chapter was "The Centrality of Christ." He said before beginning any discussion on how to handle demon power it was important. The deliverance ministers from Protestant Communities that I know would find this a positive and promising way to introduce the topic. It is the center of everything we do as deliverance ministers.

He quotes Mark 16:17 "These signs shall follow them that believe, in my name, they shall cast out demons." Fr. Amorth states that this power is still alive and active and acknowledges that it was given to all those who believe in Jesus. This is what I was taught in Protestantism, too. Fr. Amorth calls this "Prayers of Deliverance."

He places the Exorcisms, rites performed by designated Vatican exorcists, in a different category. It is something the Catholic Church specifically wrote out as a sacramental and it has a specific ritual. This can only be performed by priests, and even then only by those specifically appointed for the job by their Bishops. The written ritual for exorcisms is described as fairly short, a series of required and some merely suggested prayers and some general guidelines. It involves holy water, anointing oil and sanctified salt.

He warned that there were many people, going around claiming to be exorcists and claiming to perform Exorcisms when they do not do so. He said that, at best they offer prayers of deliverance, at worst they go completely outside of Christian practices, practicing witchcraft instead! I can believe this. In protestant communities, there are sometimes similar problems with people doing unscriptural things that could cross the line into witchcraft.

He said most of the books on demon power and how Christians should deal with it were written by protestants, and that a lot of them are good. He said there was a desperate need throughout Christianity for more education and teaching on this topic. I and every Protestant deliverance minister I have ever had any exposure to completely agree with that. He said the Catholic community was hurting the most for more information on the topic, and that this applies to the Bishops and the priesthood, not just among the laity. Most protestant ministers have little or no knowledge how to handle the demonic either, so who is in the worst shape is debatable, though not worth debating.

Fr. Amorth did say that Protestant deliverance ministries, and similar ministries among the laity in the Catholic church are, indeed Christian and effective. He grieved that Catholics had to go to Protestants, who at least could usually help them, or resorted to witch doctors, who ultimately made them worse, because no help was offered by their local Church pastors who were actually responsible for the job. He said never to go to witch doctors or mediums or such for help, but there was no problem with Protestants and Charismatic (a.k.a. "Renewal") lay Catholics, the latter of whom he says usually learn from protestant teaching materials anyway.

Fr. Amorth has witnessed, as have I, that many Protestant deliverance ministries have very powerful effects. Personally, I have also seen very poor examples of deliverance practice, along with the very good and fruitful deliverance ministries in the various Protestant Communities I have been in. The signs of what I would label a very bad deliverance ministry are as follows:

* Ordering the demon to manifest (e.g. to speak, to shake the person, to do something blatantly supernatural and/or frightening/evil to make it really obvious that it is there)

 * Trying to get the demon to tell them its name, or to receive communication from the demon about anything. (Jesus only did that once, just as he only spit on the ground and made mud to put on a blind man's eyes for healing once. It was not typical of his deliverance practices).

* Trying to get people to throw up, as if they need to puke disincarnate, non-physical entities physically out of their mouth like an offending piece of food. THAT is ridiculous, unscriptural, and revolting.

* Thinking that (almost) everybody has a demon and needs it cast out.

* That use terms like "submit to deliverance" or telling you to "submit" to whatever they are calling the specific practice they think gets rid of a demon - especially if you must submit the the authority/leadership of their pastor or someone he appoints thereafter, lest it should return otherwise. Run from that, fast.

* Teachings that involve creating fear (e.g. of sleeping or of having anesthesia for surgery, lest a demon might possess one while in that unvigilant state; or a fear of being touched by or near people from other cultures or who look different or do not believe in God, lest one might catch demons from them like catching colds or the flu; or etc.).

* Associating demonic activity with anything outwardly different about a person - different language or culture, different style of dress, handicap, scaring or deformity, or etc. That is not discernment, that is prejudice.

The first two of these do, unfortunately, occur in Fr. Amorth's and the theologian Malachi Martin, author of Hostage to the Devil, descriptions of Catholic Exorcisms. However, I infer that the ritual does not require communication with demons because Fr. Amorth's says that his late mentor, Fr. Candido Amantini, often did not communicate with the demons at all; this had happened gradually, with much experience and time in prayer. Martins' book says that exorcists have a lot of individual control over how they conduct an exorcism. Fr. Amorth discourages people doing prayers of deliverance (exercising their power as believers according to Mark 16:17) from communicating at all with the demons, as it is dangerous in numerous ways. This is the practice most powerful deliverance ministries I have ever known use "Have no fellowship or communication with demons." Period.

Malachi Martins' book says that Vatican exorcists, and their priestly or lay assistants, suffer enormous torments during Exorcisms. They must be prepared to suffer horrendous verbal abuse, supernatural emotional/mental torment, have their darkest secrets screeched out for all to hear, or their fondest memories mocked and attacked in singularly impactful ways, etc. They must prepare the room where it is to be done, and remove most anything in it and sometimes board the windows, as objects can go flying. Martin's informants, all Vatican exorcists, report that they are sometimes hurt by things flying at them ore attacked physically, and this is part of what they must endure in their position, so they just submit to it. So does anyone who assists them. Martin's informants said Exorcisms take several hours at the very least, and can take days, weeks or sometimes years. The effective deliverance ministries I brought up with, including what was classified by Protestants as exorcisms, never take that long. If it is taking that long, then something is wrong and your supposed to stop. Demons are not permitted to speak or do harm.

In Protestantism, people say "possession" whether the demon/demons possess an inanimate object, an animal, or a human. Catholics call it "infested" except in human cases. Fr. Amorth reported that when dealing with a house that is infested with demons because witchcraft was practiced in it, then he has often had to recommend that the residents just move out of it instead.

Official Exorcisms are supposed to be for extreme cases only. He included, at the back of the book, several prayers of deliverance, which I have copied and will probably copy down in the next blog on this subject.

I appreciate the work of Fr. Amorth's mentor, and the testimonies of people who indeed were eventually delivered completely through both these men's ministries. However, I think that if I discerned some need for deliverance ministry, I expect that what the Catholic church calls "prayers of deliverance" would work fine. The deliverance ministry I was brought up in had no testimonies of failure, no communication with devils, and no need to batten down the hatches. A max of 3 days fasting and major prayer was the most that would be needed, and that would be if you dealing with a demon prince such as those mentioned in Ephesians 6:12. 

Since it is sanctioned by experts at the Vatican, and need for this is asserted to be so great, here is a bit from my parents deliverance class from when I was a baby. Notice how brief of time it takes, how safe it is, and that no communication with the devil is ever used. Jesus' words when casting out demons were normally along the lines of "Shut up, and go." That's pretty much what you will be learning to say here. "In the name of Jesus shut up and go."

Godspeed.

~M. S.