My biological family is no where near me ,and - while I still care about them - I definitely intend to keep it that way.
I have hated Christmas for years. Ever since my grandma became ill when I was around seven years old, the whole holiday season from Thanksgiving through New years went downhill. Until now.
Grandma's death, my parents' divorce, my grandfather's re-marriage, my maternal Grandmother's dementia, later more deaths, estrangements and a singularly unfortunate remarriage, eventually took me essentially to the point where I have no "family", as such.
Until now?
My friend Matt's family has sort of adopted me.
So today I played with my adopted nieces and hung out with my adopted family in-law and my sort of surrogate ma and pop.
They gave me three presents, which I did not care as much about as getting to be there and hangout with everybody, and being wanted there.
They did not care that I had nothing to give them, I did not have to make excuses. My presence was enough. I did not have to be told, I knew it. I never thought that would happen again.
My blood family is not like that, entirely.
No one talked about anything awful, except maybe me at one point, and it was mild compared to the unpleasantness my relatives would likely hash out. It was a nice, innocent, drama-free Christmas. A lot of us were mildly ill, including me, but it was still fun.
A picture taken by my sort of adopted sister-on-law
Many years were spent going on about how I stood alone and needed no one, as I had learned to survive that way.
I had a clear shot at a great job closer to my blood relatives that paid very well. I liked it. But I needed to be nearer to people who cared about me. Even though I am again stuck in the no.2 most declining economy in the nation, I am still happy to be here because there is hope,and here there are people who actually love me and are also healthy enough to know how.
At the end of your life, what will be most important to you? Your bank account and assets, or moments like these? For me, I know the economics will turn around. My dreams can and will be pursued and hopefully won. The main reason I am happy though is not about career or education or resources. What really brought me to IL and keeps me returning here is the need for love.
A need I am no longer afraid to acknowledge that I have.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star
Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families, he leads the prisoners out with singing..."
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