About Me

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Welcome to my humble abode. Feel free to sit down a while and warm yourself by my fire. I write here mainly to inspire, encourage, perhaps confront, to empower, and to change. If you leave with a lighter step, an answer to a question, really questioning long held ideas that may not be taking you where you need to go, or with a lot of new things to consider, I will have done my job. Please enjoy your stay. With love, ~Mother Star
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Monday, April 13, 2015

On telling the truth that hurts/offends

Lots of people complain about ANY Christian who stands by the Bible on homosexual behavior.
I already told my tale of battling this temptation for years myself and how bad it hurt when people handled this truth-telling obligation the wrong way, but I want to illustrate the point with a different sin, since sin is the same thing no matter what form it takes.

When I think of people speaking truth that is not comfortable and someone being alienated as a result, I think of when I was admiring this particular group of people.
They do really interesting things like trapeze artists or sort of like dancing in the air and swinging around, but they are hanging by huge hooks shoved through the skin on their backs and shoulders. The swinging and such they are doing is pulling harder on those wounds. It would be pretty cool if they weren't hanging by really big piercings, but they are, so... it's not.


It was on Ripley's believe it or not, and they were explaining the deeper meaning s of "body altercation" it is a meditation/zen type thing but instead of relaxing into an altered state of consciousness, one shocks themselves into one through self-torture. Very demonic, and more clearly so than T.M. or some other unhealthy spiritual things people sometimes do. I was totally enthralled and in love with it.


My dad and sister got upset (probably the one thing they should not have done though, lose their cool and yell), and dad talked about how we treat our temple and quoted a verse, I don't remember which. He said, "drinking isn't as bad as that!" (which is wrong, getting drunk is a sin, just like this is). He said doing this to yourself is like doing this to Jesus (he was right, it hurts Jesus to see stuff like this as if we did it to Him).

I got offended and accused them of judging. I think I quoted or misquoted some lame verse all out of context. I went on like they were mistaken about what they were saying. My dad corrected my obvious error, which I then disagreed with and said he was judging and tried to act like I was being the nice, Christ-like one taking the high road and he wasn't, and like he didn't make logical sense. He also said having pleasure in someone else doing it is as bad or worse than actually doing it, and I think he also mentioned that Christians aren't supposed to revel in things that hurt God, and that you can't minister to people by doing that, but maybe my memory injected that because I know it now in hindsight. I'm not sure...
My sister said something like, "You know its wrong and you don't have anything to say to prove it isn't. You just won't admit it because you think it's cool." I was FURIOUS, and yes, I was further alienated from them in this argument. Would a different response have helped? I doubt it. If they had soft-pedaled it, like saying, "Maybe we see the Word differently and that's just fine. I don't agree with it but you should do whatever's in your heart. I'll try to keep an open mind..." Then it would have planted a seed of confusion more than I already had! I really believe that. Later, when I let God deal with me and renew my mind/spirit, I got over that unhealthy perception - with a vengeance.

Sometimes truth actually hurts. The truth that homosexuality was a sin hurt a lot when I was tempted for it, but I still accepted it as truth and persevered until I was free, until my thoughts lined up more with God's thoughts.. Even if folks get upset, when they are willfully doing what they should know is wrong and are choosing not to know better, they need to hear the truth even if they hate it, just like I did.

Since ALL sin looks like this (above) to God, telling someone its ok to continue in sin is like advocating for THIS in the name of Jesus and in the name of love - and actually very strong emotional bonds form between the practitioners of this "art." People are drawn to it, as I was, by a sense of connection, belonging, strength, "beauty", a lure of "freedom" (believe it or not), a "high" caused by an altered state of consciousness, plus maybe other stuff.

Now, if I were reaching out to the guys doing this, I would NOT handle it the same way; only a person who claims to know Christ who did that or was enjoying watching something like that (like I once did) requires such heavy handedness. If I was talking to the men themselves, I would have to be less "dogmatic", if you will, because they are on the outside. They need truth too, yes, but do not carry the responsibility of being salt and light that professing Christians do. These guys are not being hypocrites or misrepresenting Christ to the world; they are just the regular lost that all of us have been.

Today, I feel bad for those guys instead of admiring or envying them, and sickened by people who look on with relish. ALL sin looks like this to God, in the spirit realm - be it drinking, or porn, or homosexual actions, or B&D/S&M, or T.M. or Wicca or "the Left-hand Path," or lying, or stealing, or enjoying watching this kind of stuff, or anything else. Sin is sin, period. It is destructive to us on the inside and it hurts God to watch it, like this should probably hurt to watch especially if you were the mother/father of someone in this film, which I have cut screenshots out of to spare you having to watch it in case you feel you probably shouldn't or are not allowed to by parents (for good reasons).



 I think we all look like that (above) to God and angels when we sin and pursue sin, and like justify it or whatever. We sit there hurting ourselves like crazy and think that it's great. We might even want to let the world know or raise awareness of how great it is and how wrong anyone who insists that its wrong is. Other times, we might point our finger at someone else's sin who disagrees with us and say "Look how wrong they are...! That means I'm right!" or some other ridiculousness.
We just can't understand why a God who loves us would absolutely demand that we stop.
Truthfully though, how could He love us and not?

Godspeed

~Mother Star

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Reflections on the Film, Ragnarok (spoiler alert)

I watched this wonderful film on Netflix and just had to write about it, it was so good.
It has subtitles, and I suspect it is in Swedish. I am not compensated for endorsing any movies or any place to see them but I felt this one deserved the attention. The film,while a monster movie, has very strong emotional and relational elements. 

Here is a short review and synopsis of it.

Prologue: A Viking king and a troop of his stood at the edge of a lake at night. The tied a goat to a raft and sent it out across the water. A girl was trying to discourage him from whatever plan he had, but to no avail. She said, "Your greed will be our downfall." Moments later, there was a roar, from the eye-view of something huge rearing up, presumably out of the water, the king's frightened face tells it all. Then the screen went black.


Present day:
Sigurd is a single father of two, a widower who cannot let his wife go.
He is an archaeologist, as his late wife, Maren was. They both believed that the myth of Ragnorok was based on an actual event. They thought the markings on a burial site they found held clues to the story, but they did not have proof. All they had was some shells on the bottom of a boat that only exist much farther North than the people who made it were thought to have gone, in a place called Finnmark.
After Maren died, Sigurd had barely left his office. He continuously poured over the book of notes they had complied together.
Sigurd is introduced when he is grabbing a very fast breakfast. His son, Brage, reminded him that his daughter, Ragnhild, was singing at school at 3:30. He says "I will be there," as he ran out the door.

Ragnhild was in her early teens - the age when everything is the end of the world, and nothing is forgivable. It is usually the age when a girl most needs her mother.

Sigurd gave a presentation at work in order for their research grant to be continued, and it was a complete disaster. The donors laughed at his and his late wife's and withdrew their support for his research. Sigurd's boss advised him to apply for a tour guide position in the museum - the equivalent of a police officer being permanently assigned to the school crosswalk. A dream destroyed.

His dream in ruins, the partner who shared it in the grave, Sigurd sat in his car, still pouring over the notebook. That is, until he realized he was missing his daughter's performance.
He arrived at the school to find his daughter and son in an empty parking lot, waiting for him with sour expressions. "I had a meeting at work," Sigurd lied, "It took longer than I expected."

Sigurd's children wanted to go to Spain for vacation, he was planning on the cabin where they normally went. He said, "It has a lot of great memories," The children were not old enough to have remembered their mother that well. Ragnhild corrected him, "Memories for you, you mean."
Brage had created an account for his dad on a dating site. The kids were ready to move on, and wanted their father to move on as well.
That night, Sigurd's fellow researcher, Allan, came by with their first find from Finnmark. A stone with carvings in it. Sigurd set to work scraping away dirt and silt and found a familiar shape. They retrieved some display pieces from the museum. The pieces matched the shape carved in the rock. With both these pieces together, Sigurd realized it was a code breaker, and worked to decipher the message: "Asa erected this stone in memory of her father, the King of Vestfold, who arrogantly went to find the gods" or perhaps "Who went to find the power of the gods," They could not read the entire message, some of it had faded with time, but they could pick up "Three days march from this stone  to the bottomless lake, the Eye of Odin." The stone was a map!
Sigurd's only chance to get to Finnmark was the family vacation. Ragnhild was furious, but she agreed to come peacefully if her father would give her his computer. "Absolutely, that's a deal," he said, holding his hands as if praying to her. It seems he had a bit of a roll reversal going with his daughter. She reminded him of things, made Brage's breakfast and tucked Brage in, and evidently had to approve or disapprove of vacation plans. Sigurd seemed like he was overwhelmed by the task of raising kids alone,especially Ragnhild. He was clearly very concerned about her, and at a loss how to relate to her without his wife to help. He obviously longed to be a good father and make his children happy, but nothing he did seemed to be working.
In Finnmark, Allan introduced his assistant, Elisabeth. Brage immediately started hoping she and his dad would start dating. Lief, the guide, demanded his advance payment as soon as he got out of the truck, and was generally disagreeable and rude.
While they hiked from where the stone was found, Brage was impressed that they were walking where the Vikings walked 1000 years ago. Ragnhild was annoyed that there is no cell signal.
Part way through the three day hike, they ran into the old Iron Curtain. The cold war over, they crossed the border and constantly found abandoned military bases with bunkers, and preparations for war everywhere - fortunately.
When Elisabeth helped Ragnhild with mosquito repellent, the beginnings of bonding between the two were clear. At last they find the Eye of Odin, a lake with a round island in the middle of it. When Sigurd whispered, "Okay, Maren," before proceeding to explore the island. Lief found a gun in one of the abandoned barracks. While Elisabeth and Sigurd began to discuss deeper things, Brage found a cavern.
The whole team entered the cavern with ropes and harnesses. They found a Viking helmet, and many, many swords, jewelry and other things. Sigurd's dream was beginning to come true... Until Leif pulled that gun on the whole company, demanding the priceless items. He threw down everyone's ropes as soon as he was out of the cavern and left everyone, including the kids, at the bottom of a deep cavern with no way out.

Ragnhild found a human skull and became hysterical.
Elisabeth climbed the cavern wall without ropes, set up a new line, and they finally escaped their prison. With the raft gone and their strength spent, they determined to spend the night in the abandoned soviet bunks and build a new raft in the morning.
Allan examined the skull Raghnild found. There was a gigantic tooth lodged in it. "We have to go back down," Allan and Sigurd returned to the cavern while Elisabeth and the children slept.
They found many, many more bodies, and all had the kind of same injury. They figured they must have been killed by something long since extinct. In the water, they found a dead Soviet soldier, almost, but not fully, decayed down to bone. "He died the same way the Vikings did."
"But they died 1000 years ago... He didn't."
The creature who wiped out a viking troop and perhaps as many Soviet soldiers was not extinct. It came into the cavern and they saw it pass by as they hid!
All Sigurd could think about was his children...
Brage had taken one of the monster's eggs from the cavern. I hatched in the barracks while all this was going on. It rattled and hissed all over the dark, unfamiliar structure, terrifying the children. Elisabeth trapped it in a steel box and then secured the box in a pack with tight straps - Brage's pack.
That barracks was connected to a cable, and could be carried across the water with the cable via some mechanisms, but the cable had long ago fallen into the water. The monster heard its baby crying, and pulled that cable, dragging the whole unit toward the lake.
The children and Elisabeth were trapped inside; the door was jammed.



Allan and Sigurd came out of the woods, and saw the building headed for the lake. They got broke open and got everyone out just before it entered the water. As Sigurd collapsed to the ground, he looked up, holding his weeping son, and saw the beast destroy the barracks like a tin can. They fled.

After they crossed the lake, Allan found the baby monster in Brage's pack, and chose to smuggle it back to civilization for study without telling the others. Unfortunately, these creatures were amphibious. The team learned the hard way after crossing to the other side of the lake. It came for them in their campsite, they ran into a bunker for protection, but the monster battered the door til it was nearly broken in! Only Allan knew it was looking for its baby. They were trapped.
Ragnhild lost control, she blamed her father for everything. They all believed they were just waiting to die. Sigurd clearly felt that he had failed his children utterly and that everything was all his fault.
Ragnhild calmed down and picked up her father's treasured notebook. She asked him what the runes meant. the first time she'd ever shown interest in her father's lifelong passion.
Sigurd said very slowly that what he thought was a map had been a warning. It told of a Viking king who had brought his people to this place, and "they all died because - because he did not understand that perhaps - perhaps they should not be here." Clearly, he felt he could relate, but someone found ventilation pipes then, and a way out. As they were exiting the bunker, Sigurd found the baby monster in Allan's pack. He knew the beast would pursue them to the ends of the earth, just as he would for Ragnhild or Brage. Allan was, at that moment, attacked by the creature and killed. Because the escape hatch was open, the monster got inside.
Brage came out of hiding too soon, shouting for his father and sister. Ragnhild shushed him, pulling him into the locker where she was hiding. The monster came very close but did not attack the lockers. When they thought it had left, they came out and the monster cornered them.They both screamed hysterically for their father.
Sigurd ran as fasts her could, bringing the monster's baby. He approached the beast, screaming and waving a torch til it turned away from his children and came toward him. Bravely, he approached it, face to face. It could hear its baby crying in Sigurd's luggage and did not eat him, but growled with rage, Sigurd held out the baby monster. The adult monster stopped and stared, then slowly approached Sigurd until the baby could crawl up onto its nose. Then it slunk away with a growl, its wrath appeased. Sigurd had saved his children.

After the family rescued Elisabeth, It was finally time to go home. Despite previously saying that family did not suite her, she seemed more willing to be "part of the family" now, much to Brage's delight.

There is more action, drama and intrigue than I mentioned here, this is just the gist of it. In this film, I see a powerful tribute to fatherhood and a message of hope, humility, and of healing coming from unexpected places. I also see encouragement and the promise that single-parenting need not be the end of the world. Highly recommended.
Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

NEVER! GIVE! UP! - Entering 2015: Things I Am Thankful For

2014 has had its ups and downs, as we all have probably experienced.
Last year ended in a much worse state for me than this one, despite the setbacks of these past four months.
The last three months of last year were worse, and the first three of this year almost unspeakable.
One year ago, I was feeling like I was back where I started, except I had to keep reminding myself a couple of things were better and different, There was more of a beginning going on and more hope. I had an online job, editing video for a Doctor in MA who  was trying to help people get off of drugs. He was trying to get his message out, and I was one of the people trying to help him do it.
I/have more to be hopeful about now then I did then. Some of the progress I was pursing late last year, that was interrupted by sheer hell, is now being resumed in a different place, with a better support system. I was enrolled in Black Hawk College for graphic art, but had to drop the week before classes started. I could be returning to RCC on the 12th. I need to see if it will impact RCIA, hopefully not, and verify how I will get home from school if I take that fourth class that would put me at full time. and whether it is an option to go part-time if needed. If not,I will do it online, through Ashworth College.
I was going to do RCIA last year, but missed the first class and thought I had to be there for it to do it at all. Now I am doing RCIA which I had been wanting to get done for about two years.
The thing I am most thankful for is having people who love me,
I also have access to therapy.
It is almost certain I am going to buy this house. I have wanted a house of my own desperately since I was little. I have wanted this house since I started working on it in 2010. I'm just a few steps away from that, now.
I have found more direction for what to do with my writing, and am waiting to hear about whether or not I will be published. THAT has never happened before ever.
I have a piano in my house now, so when I can resume lessons and such, I have something adequate to work with. That was a huge obstacle that stood in my path for a long time.
Since about 2004 or 2005 I have been interested in doing real estate.
I have the know how to get started from nothing, although it will possibly take time to get that off the ground. I at least know how to do it and have the tools needed to succeed - except a respectable vehicle. That part is coming soon if I can get into RCC this year, which I most likely can.

If we do get the vehicle, it has to be a truck, so Matt and myself can do scrap metal as well. I am not against helping people move either, for some compensation.


Thursday, December 25, 2014

On the Need for Love

Well, I just celebrated Christmas with my "family."
My biological family is no where near me ,and - while I still care about them - I definitely intend to keep it that way.
I have hated Christmas for years. Ever since my grandma became ill when I was around seven years old, the whole holiday season from Thanksgiving through New years went downhill. Until now.
Grandma's death, my parents' divorce, my grandfather's re-marriage, my maternal Grandmother's dementia, later more deaths, estrangements and a singularly unfortunate remarriage, eventually took me essentially to the point where I have no "family", as such.
Until now?
My friend Matt's family has sort of adopted me.
So today I played with my adopted nieces and hung out with my adopted family in-law and my sort of surrogate ma and pop.

They gave me three presents, which I did not care as much about as getting to be there and hangout with everybody, and being wanted there.
They did not care that I had nothing to give them, I did not have to make excuses. My presence was enough. I did not have to be told, I knew it. I never thought that would happen again.
My blood family is not like that, entirely.
No one talked about anything awful, except maybe me at one point, and it was mild compared to the unpleasantness my relatives would likely hash out. It was a nice, innocent, drama-free Christmas. A lot of us were mildly ill, including me, but it was still fun.

A picture taken by my sort of adopted sister-on-law

Many years were spent going on about how I stood alone and needed no one, as I had learned to survive that way.

I had a clear shot at a great job closer to my blood relatives that paid very well. I liked it. But I needed to be nearer to people who cared about me. Even though I am again stuck in the no.2 most declining economy in the nation, I am still happy to be here because there is hope,and here there are people who actually love me and are also healthy enough to know how.

At the end of your life, what will be most important to you? Your bank account and assets, or moments like these? For me, I know the economics will turn around. My dreams can and will be pursued and hopefully won. The main reason I am happy though is not about career or education or resources. What really brought me to IL and keeps me returning here is the need for love.
A need I am no longer afraid to acknowledge that I have.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families, he leads the prisoners out with singing..."