Is Mother Star an "Ex-Gay"? No.

I am not "ex-gay" I am not "ex-bi" I am not "ex-"anything because who and what I am have absolutely nothing to do with anything I have ever been tempted to do, ever thought, or ever done.
Rejecting the identity I used to have for myself is about being true to myself, the real me, the God-created me that is always there and that I am continually growing into and becoming in so many ways. Actually, its happening in ALL ways, not just in the area of sexuality.

I did not and do not go around all day name-it-claim-it-blab-it-grab-it-ing heterosexual temptations and interests into my life. If that helps you, go for it, if not than don't.

If at some point, for a brief time or for longer, homosexual temptations begin to resurface, that doesn't mean you are losing anything, it means you are being tempted. Thats all there is to it.
Temptations do not make a person who they are. I had a homosexual urge very strong and unexpected about two or three years ago, triggered by a video I had seen many times and that had no sexual content in it, just a lady playing guitar. I had never had that response to it before. I looked away, prayed and looked back. I still felt the same way. I actually threw a towel over it and thought, "this is ridiculous..." and I prayed and asked God what to do and felt he was saying I needed to make a decision. Do I believe in who I am or not?
Well, I usually do not advocate talking much TO the devil, because he doesn't deserve it. Say be gone in the name of Jesus and that's it. So, instead I said, "I don't know why you are able to do this to me, but I know its from you and not me. I choose not to care if I still feel like this again for years, I KNOW WHO I AM. And THAT ISN"T IT! Period." I did not say that just in an effort to make the temptations go away, like "abra cadabra, battle is all finished and out of my face" or "if I say this, than it will stop" or "If I say this than I won't 'change back' and be gay or bi again" or any such. I *didn't* actually know if it would stop if I said that, and I didn't care. I chose not to care, like it was a decision. I meant exactly what I said. I knew what I believed about who I was, I knew he was attacking that, like sometimes he will attack your faith in God, your belief in your call, or in somebody you are close to, or your finances or whatever. He was attacking my identity, but his attacks did not have the power to change it, or even merely what I believed about it, without my agreement/consent. I was determined not to give in, regardless of how long the attack should last. I actively decided also not to even think about length of time it might last and get worried if I could fight that long. Just think "No." End of story.
I removed the towel and went on watching the video, steeled inside to endure whatever attacks, because there was no way I was going to be running away from attacks endlessly and perhaps end up cooped up in the house looking at nothing for however long. Why should I? Those temptations had no real power, not unless I gave it that power and I intended not to.

Well, when I took off the towel and turned the vid back on, everything was back to normal and the attack was over.
He was testing me when he knew I was weak due to having lost pretty much everything I had over the year or two leading up to that moment, and due to being sick and snowed in and unable to get through the weather to church for two or three weeks in a row. I was hurting, I had no idea where it was all going to end, or where I went wrong - if I did - to end up that way and etc. I was broken in very many ways, but my faith was not and my will was not. I was down, but not out. I guess that was what I was being checked for, to see if I was still alive in there, or If I was done with and defeated - or at least defeatable... By God's grace, I was not.
By God's grace I never will be, and sexual sins are not the only things that applies to, just one of many.
DO I know for sure I will never ever be tested again? No. I don't care either. I know who I am, and that is all I need to know about the subject.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star

Eagles Don't Fly from Nest to Nest

"Eagles don't fly from nest to nest" - Lakotah teaching on human sexual morals.

I know it upsets guys to hear this, like it upsets people if you tell them god didn't make them gay. but if you don't believe stuff the world and the enemy tell you about yourself (identity) and your sexuality, it makes it a lot easier not to give in to the temptations, and to even become free of the attacks at all to one degree or other. There are guys out in jungles and remote places and they get in conversations with westerners, called anthropologists (who do not even believe God's teaching on sexual morals and who sometimes seem to do all they can to twist their research in favor of their corrupted ones), and they are forced to admit that many tribal guys can't wrap their mind around why anyone would go to a strip club, or why anyone would pursue things like porn.

Lust by itself, like in strip clubs and porn and such, doesn't make any babies, it doesn't make any bonds between people that get them through things together. It doesn't discharge any of the natural functions of sexuality in human lives, at all. There are no creatures out in the wild looking for a chance to watch each other mate,let alone giving up food or nesting material or whatever in exchange for a chance to see it. There is actually no support for the notion that lust like this is natural. It truly isn't found in every human society and isn't found, as far is I know, in ANY animals at all.
Eagles don't fly from nest to nest. According to Russel Means and Bayard Johnson's book, wild canines like wolves and coyotes do not mate promiscuously. Only alpha females and alpha males mate, and only with each other. non-alpha females do get in heat and there are males present but mating does not occur for one reason or other. Domesticated dogs are not particular about mate choice, but those with no human intervention and alteration are very particular. The Lakotah guys I was reading basically interpret the behavior of wild canines as a form of monogamy and take it as testimony from nature that faithfulness in marriage is the dictate of "natural law"or "Universal Law" as they call it, and the will of the Great Spirit for their lives.
Apex predators, which humans are, do not need to multiply like rabbits to keep their balanced spot in an ecosystem. Male apex predators don't behave the way THIS society says men are hardwired to live, and humans are apex predators. Yes it is possible for us all to be tempted to step outside God's balanced plan for our sexuality, but no, he did not hardware our species to do so, not even males. That's what they teach us in women's books, that men are hardwired to be "sexual hunters" to look for chances to mate everywhere, like they would look for food. There is no actual support for that in the natural world and there are even unreached people groups who don't have that view. Mice live like that, they are near the bottom of the food chain and are almost defenseless, but you're not a mouse and neither am I. We - any of us - aren't designed to think/be promiscuous, any more than wolves and eagles are. That is a lie of the devil as much as hardwired homosexuality is, and the church needs to get a grip on truth if we're going to live in freedom God has for us,let alone be light in this gross degree of darkness,
I hope this didn't sound like an attack. It's not one. Truth will make you free, whether it hurts or not, but I hope of course that it doesn't/didn't.

Godspeed

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - Mary the Mother of Jesus Pt 2

Continuing on this sticky (for me) subject...

Dogmas of the Catholic church about Mary:
Virgin Birth: Jesus was born of a virgin.
Immaculate Conception: Mary was born without original sin, essentially born saved, so that she could give birth to Jesus without giving him original sin.
Perpetual Virginity: She stayed a virgin all her life, and Joseph agreed to support this calling on her life by abstaining along with her so she could be faithful to God's call as Jesus' mom.
Ascension into Heaven: Mary ascended like Jesus did, she did not die.

I covered the first two before. Now lets finish out the second half of the list.

Perpetual Virginity
This Catholic Dogma presents Joseph as sort of submitting, like a Western man might think of it, to give up the Western "masculine sex-right" to honor Mary's alleged call form God.
Joseph was Jewish, as Mary was.
Jewish view of sexuality:
Sex between a husband and wife is a mitzvah, which is a lot like our word sacrament. It is a commandment, and a meritorious or charitable act.
Jewish people link sexuality in marriage with holiness, so this dogma states that they served God by violating His rules for their lives as married people. From the Jewish Virtual Library:
"Sex is the woman's right, not the man's. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman's right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and is one of a wife's three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband's occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time, and may not take a journey for an extended period of time, because that would deprive his wife of sexual relations. In addition, a husband's consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations is grounds for compelling a man to divorce his wife, even if the couple has already fulfilled the halakhic obligation to procreate.
Although sex is the woman's right, she does not have absolute discretion to withhold it from her husband. A woman may not withhold sex from her husband as a form of punishment, and if she does, the husband may divorce her without paying the substantial divorce settlement provided for in the ketubah."
To us Westerner's that might sound gross, or perverse, but it is the Jewish way going far, far back to ancient times. The mitzvah of procreation is a separate one, the pleasure and bonding aspect is also sacred in Judaism, not just procreation.
If you told our very beloved, Jewish, Mother of God the dogma that she responded to God's call by staying a virgin after she was married, this would have been, to her ears, bordering on blasphemy/sacrilege. It would mean that God called her and Joseph to sin, basically. To be married and abstain the whole time is, for them, about as bad as doing stuff when you are not married. It's on par with adultery, as we know it, and grounds for divorce.
A marriage counselor, Earl Henslin, who has worked with many Jewish couples wrote in Chapter 2 of This is Your Brain on Love that no matter how bad things are in their marriages, it does not get into their bedroom. Why? "I am not going to have sex with my spouse" is like saying "I am not going to pray." He writes, "It is unthinkable," because they link marital sexuality with holiness.

Mary was Jewish. Mary was married. Therefore, Mary had three basic rights Joseph was supposed to provide: food, shelter and sex. I don't think it will kill anyone to live without it, but still, they were Jewish, and that was and is Jewish teaching.
Matthew 1:24-25. "...he took her [Mary] as his wife, but had no marital relations with her until she had born a son; and he named him Jesus."
That word "until" is two Greek words:
heos Strong's #2193 Definitions: of uncertain affinity; a conjunction, preposition and adverb of continuance, until (of time and place): - even (until, unto), (as) far (as), how long, (un-) til (-l), (hither-, un-, up) to, while (-s).
hou Strong's #3757 Definitions: generic of (3739) as adverb; at which place, i.e. where: - where (-in), whither ([-soever]).
It seems to indicate a span of time terminating at a given point. The point given in this case is the birth of Jesus. The necessity of abstinence was over then, Jesus did not need her to abstain anymore. Since she was a godly, Jewish, married woman, she had a different requirement for holy living than she did as the single or merely betrothed woman that she was when He was conceived. Nothing happened between them until after he was born, no doubt. After he was born, they clearly carried on with the mitzvah ordained by God for married people, since that is what they were. If they did not, they would have been less holy, not more. This mitzvah is not inextricably tied to procreation in Judaism either, so not having any (surviving?) children at Jesus' death does not really mean anything either.
The dogma of Perpetual virginity does not make any sense, given that Mary was Jewish, as Joseph also was.
Do I believe that Early Christians believed this? Absolutely. Many of them came from pagan cultures that had practices that could put extreme ideas about virginity in their heads. Old ideas sometimes die really hard, or don't die at all. However, that does not mean God would actually have called two Jewish people to live like that. These are very definitely pagan ideas, not sanctioned or created by YHVH.

Finally, Mary is an example to us. If she remained a virgin until married, and waited even longer because of carrying Jesus, but carried out God's intent for married women after he was born, then she is a great example. An ideal.
If she went through life pretending to be a good wife before the world while not living or relating in that important relationship like she was supposed to, refraining from a commanded and meritous behavior (mitzvah means a command, and a charitable or meritous act), then she is a bad example to follow, and so not much of a saint. Right? I believe the Catholic Church has attempted to be very true to the beginings, but this is a point where the pagan ways were not left behind, and Mary would likely be very upset by this story.

Assumption into Heaven
I would need more information. I think it is possible, kind of like Enoch and Elijah. I have no certainty at this point though, since I already see evidence of the early church projecting things onto Mary that seemed great to them but could not be true (e.g. Perpetual Virginity). Therefore, I really don't know. It sounds good, but that isn't enough for me...

This song has always been really cool to me. Now that I am studying and thinking about Mary more, it means even more than it ever did, with or without Immaculate conception or Perpetual Virginity. So Hail, Mary, full of grace.

Godspeed.
~ M. S.