Sometimes I Worry About Losing My Faith

"To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— 25 to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."
Jude 1:24

Since it'sChristmas season, I thought now would be a good time to write about how the Christmas story and the whole story of Christ turns our deeply held concepts about "power" upside down. In the process, I am also working out an issue that a struggle with in my spiritual life.

I have been exposed to evolution teaching and many other kinds of teaching. It doesn't bother me one way or another.  If I accept the part of what they say that were convincing - not all of it was - and even if accept thestuffthat wasn't, it does not change anything of substance. I don't worship God because God made the world in six days by a certain method. I worship God because I have litarally seen miracles, because I have obeyed and seen it work, and disobeyed and seen it not work. I worship God because I have experienced God's grace and God's love first-hand. If I think the creation story is metaphoric, the important parts that alter how I live my life and believe the universe works are still there. My soul-realm (mind, emotions and will) does not cause me problems because of "science". My weakness is not found there. My weakness is found in the area of gender, and cross-cultural study. Satan always uses our gifts to try to destroy us.

I have been deeply blessed by exposure to matriarchal and matrilineal societies,indirectly. In a way, it feels like I have been cursed by it. Trying to present God to a culture like that, and in some ways to my own mind as I have changed through this education, becomes a challenge. I think part of it is that the biblical scholars on whom I rely for information have the same problem as traditional anthropologists - they are raised with patriarchy and it blinds them.

What constitutes "power"? What image comestoyour mind when you hear that word? Do you have an image
of something violent? Something or someone that you want on your side for physical reasons? Fear-based reasons? What do you believe "power" is?

The Minagkabau, a matrilieal culture in Indonesia, have a very different image of power than Wessterners and other traditionally patriarchal cultures do. Their name means "Victorious Buffalo" in their langage. The story behind it goes as follows:

The Javanese and the Minang had a battle of sorts overwho would control what is now Minang territory. The Javanese are patriarchal and more warlike than the Minang. The Javanese combatantwas a great Bull Buffalo,but theMinang had a very hungry baby Buffalo,withknoves affixed to its head. When the Minag's Baby Buffalo entered the combat zone, he or she darted under the Javanese Bull in search of nipples for nursing, which of course the Bull did not have. Because of the knives on it's head, itgored the Bull to death and won the battle without even understanding battle or intending to trying to win one.

The Baby Bull only did what nature programed it to do, it had no thought of battles or power or "glory." This story demonstrates a major underpinning of Minang worldview: out of weakness comes strength.
Naming themselves for the Victorious Baby Buffalo in this story keeps this philosophy tied to who they are,howthey identify themselves. Jesus,our saviour, did not come to save us swinging 5 ft. claymores, screaming battle cries, and dropping carcasses left and right. That is what many expected him to do. He came as a helpless baby. He was born into peril, and into a kind of slavery. He was born to an oppressed and subjugated minority teenager, in circumstances that could have easily been misconstrued and led to a lot more trouble.

Did Jesus saves by "kicking butt"? No. He saved us by giving his life for seemingly nothing. The tyrants did not fall, prisons didn't burst open and free everyone in them. The economic situation remained the same. No unjust laws were repealed. On the cross, He shouted, "I thirst," he was not too proud to make His needs known. The veil of the temple was torn, making it clear that something big was done. Saints who had died rose and spoke to many during that time. Yes, crazy things happened, but not the kind of things we are prone to worry about. The obvious miracles that day were not what we equate with success and power. If there is one thing our God is not, it is a chest-thumping, pig-headed, patriarchal-enculturated male on a power-trip. That is not the YHVH Jesus reveals to us.

When I measure power by the production and violence-based, patriarchal, Western way, Jesus is not very impressive. If I measure it the "matriarchal" (that word is kinda inaccurate about everybody it is applied to due the "arch" in it. They are not so hierarchical as we are) way, Jesus becomes incredibly awesome. This time of year, we celebrate a woman who accepted profound shame among her people though an "unplanned" pregnancy. We celebrate a relatively poor man who swallowed his pride and married her anyway, accepting the financial responsibility (because it was a patriarchy) for a baby that wasn't his. We mainly celebrate a baby born into terrible circumstances, who lived a hard, short earthly life, and died for us by torture and injustice. On the third day, He rose again. They all were willing to suffer whatever for God's will, which was to save us. This is the example we're supposed to follow, and and the priorities we are supposed to measure our lives by.

In being directly opposed to our image of power and how it functions or can be measured, the Minang worldview is actually probably one step closer to the God we at least say that we serve. The problem arises when I read Scripture about how this society runs its home and how their different worldview leads them to organize their society. It actually works well and has provided them mellinia  of stability, but flies in the face of the way I am told God wants family life ordered. The image of abig umbrella with Jesus' name on it,followedby a smaller umbrella that says husband/father, and another smaller one below it that says "Wife/mother" and etc. Is where I have problems. I really don't believe it. Most of the scripture people use to support that, I can see how it could mean something else, but I don'tseehowIcoudserve a God who institutes an less functional and senseless system

I sometimes worry that,through studying these things I will become so alienated from the patriarchal-thinking church leaders, freinds and elders I know and end up unable to recieve encouragement from anybody's messages, unable to minister to anyone around me, and and end up losing my faith.