Is Mother Star an "Ex-Gay"? No.

I am not "ex-gay" I am not "ex-bi" I am not "ex-"anything because who and what I am have absolutely nothing to do with anything I have ever been tempted to do, ever thought, or ever done.
Rejecting the identity I used to have for myself is about being true to myself, the real me, the God-created me that is always there and that I am continually growing into and becoming in so many ways. Actually, its happening in ALL ways, not just in the area of sexuality.

I did not and do not go around all day name-it-claim-it-blab-it-grab-it-ing heterosexual temptations and interests into my life. If that helps you, go for it, if not than don't.

If at some point, for a brief time or for longer, homosexual temptations begin to resurface, that doesn't mean you are losing anything, it means you are being tempted. Thats all there is to it.
Temptations do not make a person who they are. I had a homosexual urge very strong and unexpected about two or three years ago, triggered by a video I had seen many times and that had no sexual content in it, just a lady playing guitar. I had never had that response to it before. I looked away, prayed and looked back. I still felt the same way. I actually threw a towel over it and thought, "this is ridiculous..." and I prayed and asked God what to do and felt he was saying I needed to make a decision. Do I believe in who I am or not?
Well, I usually do not advocate talking much TO the devil, because he doesn't deserve it. Say be gone in the name of Jesus and that's it. So, instead I said, "I don't know why you are able to do this to me, but I know its from you and not me. I choose not to care if I still feel like this again for years, I KNOW WHO I AM. And THAT ISN"T IT! Period." I did not say that just in an effort to make the temptations go away, like "abra cadabra, battle is all finished and out of my face" or "if I say this, than it will stop" or "If I say this than I won't 'change back' and be gay or bi again" or any such. I *didn't* actually know if it would stop if I said that, and I didn't care. I chose not to care, like it was a decision. I meant exactly what I said. I knew what I believed about who I was, I knew he was attacking that, like sometimes he will attack your faith in God, your belief in your call, or in somebody you are close to, or your finances or whatever. He was attacking my identity, but his attacks did not have the power to change it, or even merely what I believed about it, without my agreement/consent. I was determined not to give in, regardless of how long the attack should last. I actively decided also not to even think about length of time it might last and get worried if I could fight that long. Just think "No." End of story.
I removed the towel and went on watching the video, steeled inside to endure whatever attacks, because there was no way I was going to be running away from attacks endlessly and perhaps end up cooped up in the house looking at nothing for however long. Why should I? Those temptations had no real power, not unless I gave it that power and I intended not to.

Well, when I took off the towel and turned the vid back on, everything was back to normal and the attack was over.
He was testing me when he knew I was weak due to having lost pretty much everything I had over the year or two leading up to that moment, and due to being sick and snowed in and unable to get through the weather to church for two or three weeks in a row. I was hurting, I had no idea where it was all going to end, or where I went wrong - if I did - to end up that way and etc. I was broken in very many ways, but my faith was not and my will was not. I was down, but not out. I guess that was what I was being checked for, to see if I was still alive in there, or If I was done with and defeated - or at least defeatable... By God's grace, I was not.
By God's grace I never will be, and sexual sins are not the only things that applies to, just one of many.
DO I know for sure I will never ever be tested again? No. I don't care either. I know who I am, and that is all I need to know about the subject.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star

Lessons From Catching Fire: Cinna's Sacrifice

To all you boys who got called "fags" and other cruel names for liking to take care of yourself and for having an artistic skill-set, especially those who never let them label you, who never gave in to who they told you you were, I dedicate this one to you.

There are so many lessons to be learned from this trilogy, but this one stands out in my mind.
Traditionally, guys who fix people's hair and clothes are deemed un-masculine and are not associated with bravery or valor. This is true in nearly every movie ever made in which such characters are found. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire offers us an exception.
Also worth note, there is no reference, implied or otherwise, to this stylist's sexual orientation. None. Not in either of the movies the character is found in. That's a very definite break with traditional Hollywood stereotypes. This is a very welcome change because those stereotypes are exactly that: stereotypes. And cliches. They limit people in so many ways.

Introduced in The Hunger Games as Katniss's stylist, Cinna is the first person she meets after she leaves home that addresses her plight honestly and with genuine compassion. That alone should make him stand out, but it is in Catching Fire that Cinna really makes his mark.





Katniss was sixteen years old, taken from her family as "tribute" to be put into an arena with 23 other teens to fight to the death until only one survived. The event was to be televised live to the whole country, including her family and friends. She had a very slim chance of surviving, since kids from the wealthier districts trained for this contest while her district, the poorest of all, never learned anything about fighting. Most people in the Capitol pretended that everything was great and congratulated her, of all things. Cinna was honest with himself, and with her, about the nature of his work - a sharp contrast to everyone else working with the Hunger Games in any way.
If Katniss could impress some wealthy people who help fund the games, sponsors, they may help her through the battle with any needed supplies. Without that, she was absolutely doomed.
Cinna couldn't stop the "games," but he used his skills in aesthetics to help every "tribute" placed in his care. He knew his efforts could help save their lives, not by stopping the games and sparing all the innocent young people sent to them, but by helping the one person in front of him to survive. That was all he all do - at first.
Because of Cinna's genius, Katniss was dubbed "the girl on fire." He also advised her on how to carry herself to impress and even on what facial expression to use. Because of both Cinna's skill and Katniss's valor, Haymitch was able to convince a sponsor to send medicine for her when she was injured and cornered. Cinna's efforts truly helped to keep her alive.

Katniss had genuinely cared about another tribute, an eleven-year old named Rue, and tried to protect her, to no avail. Katniss's concern for others even above her own life made her a symbol for the rebellion.This symbol, this figurehead, inspired many in the country to stand againt the tyrannical Capitol, even at the cost of their lives. The revolutionaries in the various districts call her "The Mockingjay" after a pin from her home that she wore in the games, and in recognition of her communication with Rue. She and Rue's signal was to whistle at mockingjays and let the birds relay the song. President Snow and his cronies in the Capitol conspired to destroy "The Mockingjay" bodily, and in the people's minds. They made a special event for that purpose, taking previous victors like Katniss as "tributes" for the next games.
Cinna now had an opportunity to save not only Katniss, but his country, with his skills. However, it could not be done without putting his own neck on the chopping block.
President snow demanded a wedding dress. This was to draw attention to the fact that he was preventing her wedding, making sure that either she or fiance would live through the games, or neither of them would. Either way, the love story that enraptured the nation and defied the Hunger Games' rules would be decimated. The intent was to snuff out the hope she had stirred in so many people. Cinna complied with the demand to put her in a wedding dress, but he "made a few alterations" to keep the fire of hope alive across his nation.
You can see what his final creation here:




Peeta made up a story about their marrying in secret and expecting a baby, which woke the very deluded and desensitized Capitol city's attention to how evil their government really was. The Cinna's and Peeta's creativity and skill combined with Katniss's obvious inner strength to stir up resentment against the status quo, and bring hope that things could be better.
The thing is, all of the tributes who joined hands in solidarity with the "couple" were practically as good as dead and had little to lose; they were in the same plight as Katniss and Peeta. Many of them tried to kill the pair as soon as the games began. Cinna, on the other hand, could have gone on with his illustrious career as the most successful designer in the Capitol by just complying with orders and doing business as usual. Instead, he used his considerable artistic talents to encourage the revolution.
He paid the ultimate price for doing so



If you've seen the start of the film, you know this is what happens when someone who publicly supports the rebellion gets dragged out and executed. Katniss has helplessly witnessed this many times. She knows what is going on. Something in Cinna's expression as he hugs her makes me think he knew it was coming, too.

The lesson: Not all valor is tried with swords and firearms. Sometimes it is done with a make-up brush, a pattern, and a sewing machine. Even in Hollywood.
Sometimes it is the "supporting role" who really carries the torch.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star