If You Cant Do Something Helpful, Please Don't Do Anything At All

On my facebook page, I am in a lot of so-called "ex-gay" related groups. There are a lot of pharisee types on there and I often feel that they are there to use our testimonies to justify their unhelpful behavior.

Since there are indeed false accusations flying at our faith community for "discrimination" it is very important not to tolerate genuinely discriminatory behavior.
Some people are SOOOOO angry, and not at the devil.
It is hard not to get angry back.
I mentioned some cases of genuinely discriminatory behavior by Christians, and non-faith-related attacks on self-identified homosexuals for being "homosexuals" that are in fact even violent. They said in reply, "No one is trying to prove that adultery is inborn, or holding adultery pride parades. For every action, there is an equal reaction." And I lost it. I think I made some good points, but fury probably still showed up in there...*sigh* I need to work on that.

Some of the articles that get posted are run on conservative news sites and people share them. They have some truth in them but they put it in a way that does not make it clear that there is a person in there being assaulted by the enemy, and whom we are supposed to care about. It's embarrassing.
I said, "Your job is to share the love and redemptive power of Christ with people. How did you plan to do that for the people in that article?
How did you find the Lord? Was it because people showed you all the ways you were sinning, or was there something else? If you feel anger or resentment toward the people in that article, then this isn't the place for you. There are other major issues right now, and all of them are urgent. Homelessness is one, you might consider volunteering in a shelter or some other thing. You need to find what you are called to bring the light into. If you do not feel a burden and a sadness for people from whom the enemy has stolen such a major part of their identity, or if you feel any resentment or anger, I assure you that this is not it."
Or something like that.

On the up side, I criticized this one article about a boy named Josh Alcorn who suffered from Gender Identity Disorder (GID) who committed suicide, and they took the article down. I agree our community should address that situation, but there are so many people who have never dealt with it themselves, are there looking for ammunition, and have a really bad attitude. The article had some truth in it, but anger at the boy who died was still very strongly evident in it. they opened it talking about how selfish suicide is, which is true, and how the way he did it was so much more selfish than suicide usually is, which was true. However, if you are writing to argue that the Christian community is not without compassion for people with gender identity disorder, that is not the best way to start. There was a lot of blistering right-wing rhetoric in it, which is not useful for demonstrating that you have compassion for the person either. etc. When you are talking about a recent suicide, or someone who recently died period, ranting about the person's sinfulness and selfishness is neither helpful nor appropriate. When your movement is in the hot-seat for a lack of compassion and for crapping on the person for their sins, and is thus being blamed for the suicide, and the article is supposed to be a rebuttal, it is totally shooting yourself in the foot to do all that (that's on top of being inappropriate in the first place). I hope my remarks may have actually played a roll in its removal.

Most of the actual "ex-gay" (I HATE that term. It gives the devil too much credit) people post bible verses and encouraging things, or answer questions of those who ask for help, or just post pictures with words of praise to God. I seem to be the fire-starter who takes the pharisee types and the sexist people to task even multiple times in a day... It has to be done, and so far I'm the only one I see doing much of it. Not sure how I feel about this situation...

Setting Yourself Free Through Releasing Other People

This exercise is aimed mostly at Christian people, of whatever sect, who have been wounded in or by the Christian community. It is hard sometimes, but it works. I must say,some of the injury I have had to let God help me to pardon are huge. It is not an insensitive thing for God to require this of us.it is love for us that drives this requirement.

Write down a list of everybody who has offended you,who has attacked you in the name of God for any reason, or any that can you can recall. People who, right to or wrong in their intent, they handled things the wrong way, anyway.

When done, begin at the top of the list and pray for each one of them, one by one. Don't say, "Oh God, change this person," say,"Lord, I thank you that at the cross, you paid for the mistakes they made against me and against any others they ever hurt. I thank you for the nails you took to pay the penalty for that sin against me, and to heal the rift between me and this person/this group of individuals. I thank you Lord for the good you have placed in them when you made them and called them from the foundation of the world. I ask you to heal any and all hurts in their life, that may or may not make them act ugly. I ask you to bless them, to touch their family, to grant them their dreams, and keep them safe from all harm. Let them know how deeply and truly you love them Lord,every day." If you find that you cannot do that, or that all you can do is say "God change this person, show them how bad/wrong they are/were" then you probably have unforgiveness against that person or group. In which case, then pray "Lord I choose to forgive ____, I release them to you. I accept your sacrifice on their behalf as enough to let them and all they ever did to me go. Forgive ME also Lord, for holding this grudge for so long when you have already taken care of this at such a great cost to yourself. If there are any other things I am holding onto Lord, or doing that are not Your plan for me,please convict me and show me, Amen." Then proceed with the blessing prayers. If you still can't do them, keep working with the other prayers, and worshiping, just focusing on /God's goodness and glory and what Jesus did for you and such like. Keep at it until you find deliverance. Corrie ten Boom,when faced with a worker from the concentration camp she'd been in, had to say, "God, I cannot forgive him. give me your forgiveness." Then she shook his hand, feeling nothing but coldness until their hands actually touched. THEN she truly felt warmth for the person. Sometimes it is not wise for us to have any contact with those who have hurt us,because they will do it again. It might even endanger some folks' lives! So just ask the Lord to help you say the prayer, and it will be like shaking that former Nazi's hand.
I strongly advise against  going out and telling people all the things you forgave them, for or telling others all the things you forgave them for. and other such like (unless perhaps you know for a fact they are sorry and have repented and are really hoping you would forgive them), Let it go.


You do not have to get back in relationship with a person to forgive them, especially if they don't want that and/or you would be likely to suffer again if you did so.
Forgiveness is one person's choice, relationship is a two-way street with responsibilities and expectations on both sides; it takes trust and give-and-take for it to work. Things don't have to be set for a relationship to work in order for you to practice forgiveness and set yourself free. 
This exercise, and forgiveness is between you and yourself and God, not so much you and them.
You need to let them go, not fix them. Fixing them is between them and themselves and God, not you.

Also some relationships will just have to change. You may not trust someone with your money again, you may not want to marry them, or to date them, or to let them babysit your kids or drive your car or whatever. You may become like friendly acquaintances, or be friends, but not be BFFs anymore. Or, you might be fully restored someday, but not right now and not even be planning on it. 

Unforgiveness is bad for ones health, physically and emotionally, and leaves open door for Satan to wreak havoc in ones' life in numerous of ways.
Remember who the real enemy is, you have only one. None of us are called to fight any people, ANY people; we have only one enemy, who is the enemy of all. 

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - Dispelling Some Myths About the Pope, Pt. 1

Recently, I asked my pastor, who has a great deal of education in Catholic theology, and is, of course, a Catholic priest, if the Catholic church thinks the pope is "prophet, priest,and king" like some Protestants say that they do.

He said the pope is prophet, priest and king by virtue of his baptism, just like every other baptized believer. He said not "every believer" because demons believe too, and this does not apply to them. He said a Christian is a little Christ.
The role of a prophet, according to catholic church is basically a witness of God's Word (and I think there were a few other things he mentioned and I couldn't write that fast, but I think he was elaborating on "a witness of God's word"). The Role of a priest is to offer sacrifices (and again I think there were a few other things he mentioned and I couldn't write that fast) and king is a ruler.
As believers we have the job, and are equipped by the holy spirit, to be witnesses of God's word. As believers, it is also our job to offer sacrifices, first of all in gratitude and praise, and also offering ourselves, and offering our lives - our struggles, our joys, etc,etc, etc. to God.
We have responsibility and ability given by god to be rulers of ourselves. Living by the spirit, saying no to the flesh, and again these are rights/abilities given to us by God, and by God's power we exercise them.
My baptism in a baptist church ten years ago counts as my baptism into the catholic church, because protestants are counted as Christians in official catholic doctrine as long as they believe in the Trinity. So my baptism, and your baptism all would make us "little Christs" and therefore prophets, priests and kings/queens, like Christ but on a smaller scale, every bit as much as the pope is. That's official Catholic doctrine. The text cited for this is the same as I got in the "who you are in Christ" things I have read in the Protestant world, 1 Peter 2:9, and several verses around it, likely familiar to most of us.
He said that is how the Pope is Prophet, Priest and King, and that is the ONLY way he is those three things, "The Pope is not 'King of the church, or anything like that,'" he said, "absolutely not".
I really feel like my job, through going through this process, is to remove barriers and lies people believe about each other by sharing what I am learning as I go. Lots of Protestants have exaggerated ideas about what Catholics think of the Pope, including me up until recently. This was really big news to me, to learn this today. Perhaps it will be for you too.
Godspeed.

Adventures in RCIA - The Catholic Church Calender: Ordinary Time

"Ordinary" means "ordinal," here. It does not mean "boring."

Ordinary time comes in two parts. The first part comes between The Solemnity of the Baptism of Our Lord and ends the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday.
The second part begins the day after Pentecost, and ends the day before Advent begins.

Solemnities celebrated during ordinary time include:
Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity, - the Sunday after Pentecost.
Solemnity of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ (Corpus Christi), - the Sunday after the Most Holy Trinity.
Solemnity of St. John the Baptist, - June 24th.
Solemnity of Saint Peter (called the first Pope) and Saint Paul (author of many epistles) - June 29th
Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Mary the Mother of Jesus) - August 15
Solemnity of All Saints - November 1. Note that the Eve of All Saints, aka All Hallows, is Halloween.

Some Solemnities are particular to groups or regions. For exmple, the Parish I am in Celebrates the Solemnity of the Anniversary of the Dedication of St. James Church,which is one of the churches in our Parish. St Patrick's Day is a Solemnity in Ireland, but a Feast everywhere else. You get the idea, I think.

The decor is supposed to be plants and flowers. The readings come mainly from the Old Testament prophets, Paul's Epistles, and the Gospels where there is teaching on a variety of topics.
The color for this season ( I forgot to tell you the Colors for Christmas) is Green, whereas Christmas is White. The Priest's vestments are green in ordinary time and White during Christmas, and have other colors for the other times in the religious calender.

As of this writing, next Sunday will be the Solemnity of the Baptism of Our Lord and after it, the Christmas decorations will come down. parishioner have been asked to stay a few minutes and help. I am greatly looking forward to serving in my new church for the first time.
Our Parish is a amalgamation of two parishes, St. James and St Patrick. They have the same pastor but hold special events at one place or another, and hold regular masses at different times, usually an hour or two apart. I am hoping to make it to both services so I can help take down decor at both churches. I have no idea how short handed they are or are not likely to be. I will find out how much the parishioners here like to help out,and whether or not the 80/20 rule applies here, when I get there.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Adventures in RCIA - The Wisdom of Solomon

The Wisdom of Solomon is another book from the Catholic and Orthodox and Coptic Bible I have never been exposed to before. I just finished reading it.
It is a little like Proverbs or Ecclesiastes, and a little like Psalms also.
It starts out discussing the benefits of fearing God and doing right versus being terrible.
Parts of it seem very prophetic. It talks about how people who love and follow God will never really die. They go to peace when they die, death holds no terror for them, but it is a loss to die on bad terms with God. I think the Jews just believed the dead all went to Sheol. I am pretty sure that this concept about righteous souls going to peace and the evil people having a different afterlife was an unusual thing to say in Judaism - and that may be why the Tanakh does not include it. It goes very well with Christianity though. In this book's case, I strongly doubt that the Hebrew Bible not having it is a good reason to throw it out...
It has some things to say about idolatry, similar to what Isaiah had to say. It points out how stupid it is to ask for life from something that is dead, and to ask for strength from something that has no strength, and for guidance from something that can go nowhere - namely, an idol.
The last several chapters discuss God's works when getting the Israelites out of Egypt and into the promised land. This section is addressed to God, and reads like a worship song - a very long one! It mentions the serpent that people looked upon when bitten by snakes, and God would heal them from the snakebites. It says the statue of the snake did not do the healing, but God did the healing.
It does not cover all these things in chronological order, it seems to be like the writers flow of consciousness.

Now, for the controversial parts (for me): It says the offspring of adulterers will not live long, just like it says that adulterers will not. Parts of the Protestant Bible also say negative things about the children of immoral people. A passage in Isaiah calls people coming under judgment "the seed of the adulterer and the whore..." also some sections of the Psalms ask God to bring destruction on enemies, and talks about their kids. There are such things as generational curses, and God even mentioned that when He revealed himself to Moses, when Moses had asked to see God's glory. Therefore, I guess it is not grounds to doubt the inspiration of this book.
Obviously, the punishment going through generations is not God's favorite thing, by any means. That is why Jesus came, to break the curse off the sinner and their generations, and there are indeed curses like that to be broken. So, though I do not like it (clearly God feels the same way), but I think this is indeed sound doctrine, and can be verified by other scripture from several books that no Christian community has ever disputed, and which Jews also revere.

At the end, there is a part that says God can reverse the whole setup of creation, and make birds fly through water and fish swim through air if he should choose. The wording, in English at least, is confusing at that part, but I think he may be saying that this actually happened when the Red Sea was parted. I do not know af any other passage that says this was the case, but I can see it happening. The water might have been standing up pretty high, and birds could have run into it and been guided right through it and back to the air on the other side by God, The fish may well have fallen out of the water and been carried along in the wind to the other side where they were in water again,  as safely as the children of Israel were being taken across the sea bed. Now that I have actually written all that out, it even seems likely. Therefore, I see no particular issue with this. It could also be interpreted as a poetic device, painting an image of the situation with more vivid, though perhaps imagined, detail.
Psalm 18 describes God riding on angels, which I think God is way bigger than and is far too big to ride them. That is a poetic device used in a worship song, as could be this imagery of swimming birds and flying fish in this worshipful poetry.

So with that, I find prophetic statements in here that are not part of the religion that the book was connected to, but are central to Christianity, such as the afterlife, and how friends of God never die, but pass from this life to new peace in a new life. That concept was alien to Jews, but as Christians, this is our Blessed hope. Therefore, I firmly believe this book is inspired, if no other disputed book is. I based my conclusion about the other ones on how I felt and thought about them and on whatever measure of discernment I have;  I admit this is no more infallible than Martin Luther doing the same thing. This book is different though, this one is without a doubt sacred, because there is no other way a Jew in Greece could have said some of what was said in here.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

NEVER! GIVE!UP! - Knowing that You Have Value

I was  raised Republican. I am still not a Democrat, though I am no longer a Republican either.
Therefore, being out of work for an extended period and having to use assistance to survive is VERY demoralizing and makes me feel useless and like a parasite. Applying and sometimes interviewing and getting no calls makes me feel useless, as if I can't do any better than be a parasite. I can understand why losing a job drives some people to suicide, I felt suicidal over such things in the past. This time, not so much, as I have had so much more hope all the way through this than any other time I was out of work, plus I have people in my life that consistently show me I have value in spite of it, which has not always been the case.

My roommate, who is disabled due to Asperger's syndrome, says that even though he is having to pay almost everything right now out of his limited disability income, his life is still improved since I returned. He was, as he put it, "stagnating" while I was in MI, because he saw no prospects or hope for his life. He was gradually giving up and reverting to just amusing himself and passing the time till he dies - what a horrible feeling! Now, in spite of these obstacles, he does have hope and something to reach for.

My teaching him to drive goes a long way. Scrap metal is, according to his calculations, a perfectly viable way for him to survive. Once he has access to a truck, the possibility of putting disability income behind him and earning his own living - a dream that has often seemed impossible - will be within reach. If he has that to fall back on, PT or FT or temporary jobs will no longer be a risk, because he cannot be "cut off" from scrap metal for working elsewhere, and it will still be there whether or not working for others pans out. This is particularly true once he gets his driving license and his own truck. He tells me all the time that unemployment is at least connected to something that I have worked for and earned, whereas he has to psychologically cope with "you can't earn a living for yourself". That, of course, will likely change pretty soon.

I feel dependent when I am working too, because at any moment a change in the winds for the employer can spell disaster for me, as it recently has, and there will be nothing I can do about it. I "depend" on them and the future is incalculable. I, like Matthew, long to make my own way in life and put assistance from these programs behind me for good. Self employment is my dream, in combination with very self-sufficient (and markedly less costly) "Green" living. Since I was a teen I was expecting a collapse, and have been learning about self-sufficiency and homesteading and other ways to shield ones self from that.

Scrap metal is not, for me, a longterm prospect right now but on the short term it can be "insurance" against unemployment. In Decatur, there are a lot of people doing scrap metal because we have a metal recycling center in town. Plus, with the economy here doing so bad, and continually declining for so long, everybody is looking for alternatives to "a job" because jobs are scarce. At some point, even that becomes somewhat competitive in a place like this but so far it has not caused us a problem.

In our neighborhood, most houses are rentals, so landlords are always throwing things away. We have gotten a lot of mattresses and box springs and other furniture that we have dismantled for wood and metal. Without my car, we have no way to take it in, but we still collect it, especially Matthew. By the time the truck is in the driveway, we might even be able to totally fill it, who knows?

I will be going to RCC tomorrow, I hope, to register for classes. I am very concerned about all the things that can still go wrong, but on the whole I am hopeful. I will just have to take better care of myself so I will not become sick so much as I did before. Getting something better to drive plays a role in that too, as it means there will be no walking long distances in bad, freezing weather like I did last time I went there. As it is, I am fighting a sinus infection. I am resting today so that tomorrow, hopefully, I will be up to the possible 4+ hours in the waiting area to talk to the people I must talk to and fill out papers, etc.

In school before, I severely neglected myself in the name of saving money and limiting debt. That did not serve me well in the end. I will remember that and learn from it, and make myself a higher priority this time. I just need to remember that I am worth it.

Please remember that you are worth it too.

I think this is DuBourg Hall at SLU, one of the biggest disappointments of my life.
This time, I will not need to transfer to a new school to finish my degree, it is only a two-year program. Doing it right the second time around.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

NEVER! GIVE! UP! - Appreciating the Power of the Little Things

Today the lesson is on how little things can make a big impact.

I found a plan for how to get through the semester with all my present income cut off.

I do not like having all my income being from some government program. Getting off of that would involve possibly having to go over a month with nothing coming in at all, not even the unemployment insurance and food stamps.
There are pretty healthy recipes I know that cost so little that I could afford to get through most if not all of the semester eating them. The ingredients last long enough, and are healthy enough, to do that, though they can be somewhat bland and I will need to take a vitamin supplement. I bought 15 bags of brown rice yesterday, thats one of the ingredients.
My LINK card, which is what the foodstamps are loaded on in IL, is missing. It may have fallen from my backpack or pocket when I was running errands yesterday.
No one can use it without the PIN number, but I can't get groceries without it.
If it does not turn up before tomorrow morning, my plan to go sign up for school at the last minute could potentially be foiled. I will have to go to the DHS office tomorrow, if I am well enough as I am now feeling ill, and see if I can get it replaced in the morning. Whether that can be done that quickly or not will effect how soon, and thus whether, I can register for school at RCC. A little piece of plastic, just a few square inches of plastic. Because of that, the direction of my life could be altered.

The alternative/backup plan is to start the online program through Ashworth college as soon as can get car back to running. Got a starter for it, and a new positive battery cable. just gotta put it back together, and wait for the next (last?) unemployment check to get insurance back on it. That will not help me put the investment class I already bought and read the material for to use though, as my car will still be ugly and loud and ruin my credibility...

The thing with the investments is you have to get an option to buy the property, the kind where you can back out of but the seller cannot. Then you have to find a buyer within the option period, and when/if you do, you buy and sell them at the same closing. Your buyer pays closing costs, and of course they are paying more than you are, so you have a profit. Options tend to cost around $100. In order for people to accept your offer (most won't anyway as it'll be low, but you don't know who will until you try and there are people out there who will) they must believe you can actually buy their house though - which you actually need not be able to do, you just need to secure the option and find someone else to buy it. If you drive up in a noisy, smoking, rusty, heavily dented car like mine, NO ONE will believe you can buy their $100,000+ house! Forget it. Ditto with not having a car at all. That's my problem in that area now.

Going back to school this spring could, in addition to job skills, get me access to resources to get a car with. Being cut off for what little income I have because of returning to school would justify maxing out student loans if I have to, and having a decent truck would enable me to do the investment stuff AND scrap metal. It will also go a long way to help in the traditional job search. So while I am waiting for the right house deal, I can still make money to pay the loans down.That is, even though no payments will be due til I am out of school for six months. There's no sense letting it grow unchecked if I don't have to...

If that plan gets shot down, then I will have to persevere as I have been, and try to fix the car up on my unemployment while looking for a job in a job market where you basically have to have a car or else... In which case it will just take a lot longer to get the same things done, and I will have to persevere for longer. How much longer, I don't exactly know for sure. I have seen a few more "Now hiring" signs lately, so things are picking up...

In the next few days, it will all get ironed out, and the decisions will be made.

I met the deadline for that anthology submission, and I did some writing for clients since I got laid off, so to say I was self-employed as a freelance writer is not a lie, at all. I was doing a lot of writing. I had a big project I got done and will hear feedback on sometime in the next week or so, about getting published or not. That stuff all resolves the "gap in employment" issue, I think/hope. Returning to school works pretty good as a reason to stop that "job."
I cut my hair today, since the shagginess and dead ends probably made me look less "together," even though I tried to make it look real nice. I will have to ask my roommates' mom to help me even it out. Then I will be more marketable for both employers and as an investor. It does not look much better now, except the dead ends are snipped off...

Little things make a huge difference, A little bitty piece of plastic, a snap on a pocket or a small pocket zipper coming open, which possibly letting the plastic fall out. Split ends in one's hair. Things that can alter the course of your life in this modern world, because they can deny you access to what you need in the times when you need it, or create an impression of you other than what people want to see.

Life sucks right now, but it could really be SOOO much worse, I really cannot complain. I have internet access and am sitting here blogging to the world about what I am dealing with.
I started this series with the certainty that in the end, it would encourage someone, because they would see what I come up against and yet, I WILL win! I still believe that, and I will never give up.
Neither should you.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star