If You Cant Do Something Helpful, Please Don't Do Anything At All

On my facebook page, I am in a lot of so-called "ex-gay" related groups. There are a lot of pharisee types on there and I often feel that they are there to use our testimonies to justify their unhelpful behavior.

Since there are indeed false accusations flying at our faith community for "discrimination" it is very important not to tolerate genuinely discriminatory behavior.
Some people are SOOOOO angry, and not at the devil.
It is hard not to get angry back.
I mentioned some cases of genuinely discriminatory behavior by Christians, and non-faith-related attacks on self-identified homosexuals for being "homosexuals" that are in fact even violent. They said in reply, "No one is trying to prove that adultery is inborn, or holding adultery pride parades. For every action, there is an equal reaction." And I lost it. I think I made some good points, but fury probably still showed up in there...*sigh* I need to work on that.

Some of the articles that get posted are run on conservative news sites and people share them. They have some truth in them but they put it in a way that does not make it clear that there is a person in there being assaulted by the enemy, and whom we are supposed to care about. It's embarrassing.
I said, "Your job is to share the love and redemptive power of Christ with people. How did you plan to do that for the people in that article?
How did you find the Lord? Was it because people showed you all the ways you were sinning, or was there something else? If you feel anger or resentment toward the people in that article, then this isn't the place for you. There are other major issues right now, and all of them are urgent. Homelessness is one, you might consider volunteering in a shelter or some other thing. You need to find what you are called to bring the light into. If you do not feel a burden and a sadness for people from whom the enemy has stolen such a major part of their identity, or if you feel any resentment or anger, I assure you that this is not it."
Or something like that.

On the up side, I criticized this one article about a boy named Josh Alcorn who suffered from Gender Identity Disorder (GID) who committed suicide, and they took the article down. I agree our community should address that situation, but there are so many people who have never dealt with it themselves, are there looking for ammunition, and have a really bad attitude. The article had some truth in it, but anger at the boy who died was still very strongly evident in it. they opened it talking about how selfish suicide is, which is true, and how the way he did it was so much more selfish than suicide usually is, which was true. However, if you are writing to argue that the Christian community is not without compassion for people with gender identity disorder, that is not the best way to start. There was a lot of blistering right-wing rhetoric in it, which is not useful for demonstrating that you have compassion for the person either. etc. When you are talking about a recent suicide, or someone who recently died period, ranting about the person's sinfulness and selfishness is neither helpful nor appropriate. When your movement is in the hot-seat for a lack of compassion and for crapping on the person for their sins, and is thus being blamed for the suicide, and the article is supposed to be a rebuttal, it is totally shooting yourself in the foot to do all that (that's on top of being inappropriate in the first place). I hope my remarks may have actually played a roll in its removal.

Most of the actual "ex-gay" (I HATE that term. It gives the devil too much credit) people post bible verses and encouraging things, or answer questions of those who ask for help, or just post pictures with words of praise to God. I seem to be the fire-starter who takes the pharisee types and the sexist people to task even multiple times in a day... It has to be done, and so far I'm the only one I see doing much of it. Not sure how I feel about this situation...

NEVER! GIVE!UP! - Knowing that You Have Value

I was  raised Republican. I am still not a Democrat, though I am no longer a Republican either.
Therefore, being out of work for an extended period and having to use assistance to survive is VERY demoralizing and makes me feel useless and like a parasite. Applying and sometimes interviewing and getting no calls makes me feel useless, as if I can't do any better than be a parasite. I can understand why losing a job drives some people to suicide, I felt suicidal over such things in the past. This time, not so much, as I have had so much more hope all the way through this than any other time I was out of work, plus I have people in my life that consistently show me I have value in spite of it, which has not always been the case.

My roommate, who is disabled due to Asperger's syndrome, says that even though he is having to pay almost everything right now out of his limited disability income, his life is still improved since I returned. He was, as he put it, "stagnating" while I was in MI, because he saw no prospects or hope for his life. He was gradually giving up and reverting to just amusing himself and passing the time till he dies - what a horrible feeling! Now, in spite of these obstacles, he does have hope and something to reach for.

My teaching him to drive goes a long way. Scrap metal is, according to his calculations, a perfectly viable way for him to survive. Once he has access to a truck, the possibility of putting disability income behind him and earning his own living - a dream that has often seemed impossible - will be within reach. If he has that to fall back on, PT or FT or temporary jobs will no longer be a risk, because he cannot be "cut off" from scrap metal for working elsewhere, and it will still be there whether or not working for others pans out. This is particularly true once he gets his driving license and his own truck. He tells me all the time that unemployment is at least connected to something that I have worked for and earned, whereas he has to psychologically cope with "you can't earn a living for yourself". That, of course, will likely change pretty soon.

I feel dependent when I am working too, because at any moment a change in the winds for the employer can spell disaster for me, as it recently has, and there will be nothing I can do about it. I "depend" on them and the future is incalculable. I, like Matthew, long to make my own way in life and put assistance from these programs behind me for good. Self employment is my dream, in combination with very self-sufficient (and markedly less costly) "Green" living. Since I was a teen I was expecting a collapse, and have been learning about self-sufficiency and homesteading and other ways to shield ones self from that.

Scrap metal is not, for me, a longterm prospect right now but on the short term it can be "insurance" against unemployment. In Decatur, there are a lot of people doing scrap metal because we have a metal recycling center in town. Plus, with the economy here doing so bad, and continually declining for so long, everybody is looking for alternatives to "a job" because jobs are scarce. At some point, even that becomes somewhat competitive in a place like this but so far it has not caused us a problem.

In our neighborhood, most houses are rentals, so landlords are always throwing things away. We have gotten a lot of mattresses and box springs and other furniture that we have dismantled for wood and metal. Without my car, we have no way to take it in, but we still collect it, especially Matthew. By the time the truck is in the driveway, we might even be able to totally fill it, who knows?

I will be going to RCC tomorrow, I hope, to register for classes. I am very concerned about all the things that can still go wrong, but on the whole I am hopeful. I will just have to take better care of myself so I will not become sick so much as I did before. Getting something better to drive plays a role in that too, as it means there will be no walking long distances in bad, freezing weather like I did last time I went there. As it is, I am fighting a sinus infection. I am resting today so that tomorrow, hopefully, I will be up to the possible 4+ hours in the waiting area to talk to the people I must talk to and fill out papers, etc.

In school before, I severely neglected myself in the name of saving money and limiting debt. That did not serve me well in the end. I will remember that and learn from it, and make myself a higher priority this time. I just need to remember that I am worth it.

Please remember that you are worth it too.

I think this is DuBourg Hall at SLU, one of the biggest disappointments of my life.
This time, I will not need to transfer to a new school to finish my degree, it is only a two-year program. Doing it right the second time around.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star