In order to volunteer in the Springfield, IL diocese in any capacity, be it in the schools, the choir, handing out food baskets, being a greeter in the churches - anything - you have to take a class called Protecting God's Children. The class is to raise awareness of the dangers of child abuse, in the church and out, how to respond when you suspect abuse or when a child reports it to you, what to look for in a potential abuser, warning signs to watch for in a child who may be getting abused sexually.
Really, everybody needs to know this, regardless of if they have kids or not. After reading another blog about the Duggar situation, and hearing some very disgusting sugar-coating of the situation by hardcore fans of the show on the radio, I have decided to do a series on the problem of child abuse, in the church (The entire church, Catholic, and Protestant and Orthodox alike) and out of it. Today, I am just going to pass along my notes from the class. The program they use is called Vertus, it was put together by order of the Vatican. Another class participant from somewhere in the country found a way to get footage from the DVDs and put some of the main points in a video. I downloaded it and put it here for the benefit of whoever.
The Springfield, IL diocese has had an awareness program and screening for its volunteers and employees -all employees, including clergy - already developed and in place since before the abuse scandal hit. Someone involved in child abuse awareness programs worked part time in the Diocese office, and shared what she learned with co-workers, including our instructor. This individual suggested to Bishop Thomas John that we should start such a program in the Diocese. Thankfully, he listened and agreed and put action behind his words. Most dioceses in America did not have any such program at that time at all. After the Vatican mandated that everybody have one, and leading US Catholic Bishops called in law enforcement, criminal psychologists and just all the best experts in the field they could find, for assistance with this Vertus project, and it was put together with the authorities, clinicians, and clergy working together. The Springfield diocese adopted the Vertus program soon after it came out.
How big is this problem?? In the several years our instructor has spent as an abuse awareness educator (in the church and out of it) she has spoken to at least 300 people and out of these, 45 and counting have told her they were abused or know someone was abused or legally charged with abuse. That's just the ones who said something to her about it.
In several US states, she has encountered public school employees stating that their workplace had a custom of "passing the trash" - i.e., if a teacher is accused of abuse, they are merely reassigned. One appalling example she gave was a pedophile was accused in a middle-class area school, reassigned to a poor and predominantly Hispanic school. After accusations were made there, he was reassigned to a school for the disabled! Teachers can still get another teaching job and teachers unions will protect them from exposure and prosecution and protect their educator's license. You can Google or DuckDuckGo this: "passing the trash teachers." [here are several links I found, in case anybody is still not sure that this is not just a Catholic or Christian problem.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/03/27/passing-the-trash-deals-allow-bad-teachers-and-coaches-to-become-mobile-molestors/
http://watchdog.org/113092/u-s-house-passes-bill-prevent-passing-trash/
http://lancasteronline.com/opinion/end-passing-the-trash-of-child-abusing-teachers/article_7981ca82-1f35-11e4-beb2-0017a43b2370.html
http://mediatrackers.org/pennsylvania/2013/10/25/passing-trash-bills-popular-teacher-union-leaders
Some of these articles are from PA, but our instructor has not been there, and she has still heard about "Passing the trash" a lot from public school employees. It's disgusting. Apparently PA journalists are covering it somewhat, which is a good thing, whereas in other areas they are not, which is dreadful.]
There have been high ranking officials in other churches, she mentioned one from the Episcopal church, where a "passing the trash" type of situation also occurred, and there is usually limited local news coverage, and often there is no coverage at all. She sees these things because of her job, but the general public does not. According to the law enforcement and psychological authorities who helped design the Vertus program, 3% of the population are pedophiles - which means,[in the clinical world] they have a sexual orientation that is geared toward children, tis part of who they are - and one pedophile can abuse hundreds or even thousands of children in their lifetime. They often start very early, around the age of sexual awareness or in the early teen years, and they do not stop unless someone stops them. They can hurt more kids if they are allowed a position with authority over children/teens and have unsupervised access to them often - teaching, coaching, mentoring, scout leading, daycare work, youth workers, etc. A person with this "orientation" should never be allowed around children at all, but they will actively seek such positions out.
Myth Busting:
Myth 1. Children who report sexual abuse are usually lying.
Fact: Children rarely lie about sexual abuse. Accusations of abuse should always be taken very seriously. 5%, or less, of sexual abuse allegations are intentionally false.
Myth 2. People who were sexually abused will become/are more likely to become sexual abusers.
Fact: Those raised in physically or emotionally abusive homes are very likely to become abusive because that is the way they learned to behave; it's how they learned that a home should be run and discipline administered. Sexually abused people rarely become abusers later. There are many, many times more victims than perpetrators of sexual abuse. This is true of both males and females.
Myth 3. Priests become sexual abusers because of their vow of celibacy.
Fact: The percentage of priests accused and/or convicted of sexual abuse is the same as the percentage of accused and convicted pedophiles in the rest of the population. The vast majority of sexual abusers do not take a vow of celibacy and do engage in sexual acts with other adults. They have a preference for adults who look extremely young.
Myth 4. Most pedophiles are "gay," or have homosexual tendencies.
Fact: the majority of sexual abusers of both boys and girls are heterosexual men. They date, sleep with, and often marry women, with a strong preference for women who look like young girls or seem childlike in some ways. There is no correlation between SSAs/homosexual behavior with other consenting adults, and pedophilia.
Myth 4. You can always recognize a pedophile, they will seem strange and look and behave in an unusual, disturbing or deviant manner. They will be loners and weirdos on the edge of society. They will be poor, probably addicted to drugs. They live in ghettos and slums [this is a symptom of classism and/or racism btw].
Fact: Pedophiles come from every ethnic, religious, political and socio-economic, occupational, and cultural group. You cannot predict pedophilia by anyones income, race, occupation, tastes, or by their bad habits (or lack thereof) such as smoking, drinking, swearing, spitting, or even other criminal behaviors (or lack thereof) such as drug use. They behave normally in public, are usually extremely charming, persuasive, and can easily win people over. They are frequently everybody's favorite. This is why they are able to gain parents'/guardians'/care-givers' trust in order to access victims, and to manipulate victims into compliance and/or silence. They are often very well-liked and popular, and may be either male or female. They do not appear threatening.
Make sure you note that pedophiles may be male or female. Women can abuse too, both boys and girls.
Five steps to preventing or stopping sexual abuse:
Know warning signs
Control access
Monitor Programs
Be Aware
Communicate concerns
How to spot a pedophile (Knowing Warning signs):
More excited about socializing with kids than adults.
May have house full of toys (especially concerning if they do not have any kids).
Always wanting to touch kids (not necessarily sexual touching).
Keeps bringing kids over all the time.
"The rules do not apply to me."
* encourages/lets kids do things that are actually not allowed
* Gives kids opportunity to engage in forbidden or risky activities or activities their parents do not approve of.
* Gives kids items their parents do not approve of them having.
* Generally acts like the rules do not apply to them. Taking pictures without asking, for example,
Taking kids into unauthorized areas or whatever else, not demonstrating customary respect for parental authority or approval processes.
* Gives gifts to children without asking parents permission first
Warning signs that a child has been/may have been sexually abused (Knowing Warning signs):
Sudden changes in behaviors
Grades drop
Outbursts of anger
How to approach a young person you suspect may be a victim
Talk with kids patiently, let stuff come out
Let kids know you'll listen to them
Talk to them often
Let kids know you'll listen and not blame them
Creating a Safe Church (Control Access, Monitoring Programs) Some adults should be kept as far from kids as possible. Controlling access is about keeping people like this away from children as much as possible.
Screen all volunteers - Background Checks, reference checks, etc.
Know where kids are at all times
Parents (but only parents) should be allowed to visit a class or daycare center.
Monitor all programs. Some people start new church programs without proper permission. DO NOT TOLERATE THIS! Make sure all programs go through approval process, no exceptions.
Lock all unused rooms
Keeping Your Kids Safe
* Realize that, as a parent, you have a right to visit your child's class or daycare center any time. Make sure your child's daycare center or class allows this, and that they follow procedures for making sure it really is you coming to visit. Drop in on the class or daycare unexpectedly sometimes. If you ever experience resistance to this, regardless of the excuse given, use a different daycare and advise people to avoid that one.
* DO NOT put a computer in a child or teen's bedroom
* Be on your kids facebook and routinely look at all their friends' profiles and photos.
* DO NOT allow kids to post personal photos online under any circumstances, nor post pictures of them on yours. If you use the 'net to share these photos with geographically distant loved ones, then make sure you use the "custom" setting and share the pics only with those people. Remove any location tags. Don't share any information about your kids online. Pedophiles love the web, they use fb and children's sites to find victims. They will be looking at your baseball/fishing, whatever photos the wrong way, possibly compiling a scrapbook with your kids in it. If they know your location, any activities or clubs your kids are in and get any clues about the is schedule (they'll be tracking it), your kids' interests, things they get annoyed about (bait, rapport-building, and bonding material)... disaster in the making! None of us want to think we have any of these people in our circles, but we all are just as likely to as anyone, sadly. They act normal. Never take chances!
* Know where your children are at all times
Communicating Concerns
Communicate your concerns to other adults. E.g. you see someone taking pictures of kids and/or
learn someone has a photo album full of other people's kids/minors. It's weird. Say something to someone about it.
Trust your instincts - if something seems off, say something to the person or their supervisor. "What are you doing?" Excuse me, why are you..." You aren't accusing them of being pedophiles, you are checking out what is going on. An innocent person has no reason to object. This lets pedophiles know that they are being watched.
Confront people who think the rules do not apply to them. E.g. If someone gives your kids things without asking you, stop them and tell them you would appreciate if they would ask you first, even if you are acquainted/know them. If someone is handing out unauthorized presents to kids, ask them why, and if they have asked the kids' parents. Tell the pastor or some other person in charge. Say something to the parents if you can. You get the idea.
ANYONE can report suspected abuse with the child abuse hotline, and as long as you made the report in good faith, you cannot get in trouble. Anonymous reports are also ok.
Always report abuse if a child reports it to you.
More Ways to Prevent Abuse:
Whether you suspect abuse or not, let kids in your life know you'll listen, and talk to them often. Acknowledge them. Pedophiles actively seek and are quick to pick up on a child who feels they have no one to talk to or has unmet emotional needs. They use these needs to get close and to win their trust and affection. Abusers do not exclusively pick on the already abused or kids who are lonely or bullied or feel they have no one to talk to, but those kids are easier to make connections to because they are needy. Children who have trusted adults and know they can talk to their parents are more likely to tell when they have been given things they shouldn't have, or offered opportunities to do what they aren't allowed to do. Pedophiles do those things (see above"How ot spot an abuser> "The rules do not apply to me") in order to find out who will tell. This is how they sort of thin the herd of kids they gather around themselves, and decide who to victimize. You may have heard they single out their victims, these are common ways they do so. (DO NOT blame yourself if you were victimized, after being given forbidden things you wanted and not telling, Do not blame kids/teens if this happens to them. This is never their fault).
Report abuse to the law if a child reports it to you. Even with the steps they take to "screen" victims and eliminate kids who are likely to tell, the average convicted child molester is told-on 5 times before any legal action is taken. Five times! That is just not right. If authorities were consistently notified the first time a child reports abuse, the other four who would eventually tell, plus all the ones who would not tell, might not be abused at all. The number of kids being abused could go down by at least 80%, based on that number! If you are told about abuse by a child, it is your responsibility to report it to authorities and/or to parents if a child tells you this. It may be illegal not to, depending where you live.
Here is the child abuse hotline's website if you need more information. https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/This is the number: 1-800 -4-A-CHILD that is 1-800-422-4453. That applies to Americans only, or course. If you do not know your countries hotline number (or if there is one) you should probably look that up, unless you truly neither have kids, nor know or ever see any.
Be careful at fairs, amusement parks and water parks, and other crowded, noisy places. One convicted pedophile interviewed for this research said he'd loved water parks. He got a lot of video plus a lot of "accidental" touching in the wave pool. He said they were some of the best places to go, for a pedophile. Beware, do not let kids go about unsupervised in crowded public places, and keep them very close to you in water parks. Stay right by them and be very watchful - be their bodyguard - if you do go into the wave-pool, but ideally you should probably avoid it.
Never let children go tot the public bathrooms by themselves, no matter how upset they get. This author experienced the consequences of that mistake first-hand, many years ago, and in a church the family only visited once.
While most instances of sexual abuse/assault are committed by someone the victim knows [also true of the sexual assault of adults], usually trust is built and a relationship developed with the parents, whether it is at a church or another social event/hub. That is still not 100% of cases. Asmall percntage of those who abuse children are doing so out of hate, not attraction, and it more like the common motivations for sexual assault of adults - control, dominance, perhaps cruelty. This type of act may also involve physical abuse and/or murder. This type of person may take kids by force from a mall or store, or assault them in the bathroom, They are indeed out there, and we all need to be aware.
All churches are still located in this fallen world and have fallen people in it of every possible sort, just like the rest of this planet. The doors are open to the public, anyone can open them and enter. Do not take chances with your kids.
Check the state police website for a list/map of the local registered sex offenders and become aware of convicted abusers in your area. Warn you family and others about them.
I expect to do a blog on navigating the websites for the sex offender registries in this series. Look for it within a week or so.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star
