Is Mother Star an "Ex-Gay"? No.

I am not "ex-gay" I am not "ex-bi" I am not "ex-"anything because who and what I am have absolutely nothing to do with anything I have ever been tempted to do, ever thought, or ever done.
Rejecting the identity I used to have for myself is about being true to myself, the real me, the God-created me that is always there and that I am continually growing into and becoming in so many ways. Actually, its happening in ALL ways, not just in the area of sexuality.

I did not and do not go around all day name-it-claim-it-blab-it-grab-it-ing heterosexual temptations and interests into my life. If that helps you, go for it, if not than don't.

If at some point, for a brief time or for longer, homosexual temptations begin to resurface, that doesn't mean you are losing anything, it means you are being tempted. Thats all there is to it.
Temptations do not make a person who they are. I had a homosexual urge very strong and unexpected about two or three years ago, triggered by a video I had seen many times and that had no sexual content in it, just a lady playing guitar. I had never had that response to it before. I looked away, prayed and looked back. I still felt the same way. I actually threw a towel over it and thought, "this is ridiculous..." and I prayed and asked God what to do and felt he was saying I needed to make a decision. Do I believe in who I am or not?
Well, I usually do not advocate talking much TO the devil, because he doesn't deserve it. Say be gone in the name of Jesus and that's it. So, instead I said, "I don't know why you are able to do this to me, but I know its from you and not me. I choose not to care if I still feel like this again for years, I KNOW WHO I AM. And THAT ISN"T IT! Period." I did not say that just in an effort to make the temptations go away, like "abra cadabra, battle is all finished and out of my face" or "if I say this, than it will stop" or "If I say this than I won't 'change back' and be gay or bi again" or any such. I *didn't* actually know if it would stop if I said that, and I didn't care. I chose not to care, like it was a decision. I meant exactly what I said. I knew what I believed about who I was, I knew he was attacking that, like sometimes he will attack your faith in God, your belief in your call, or in somebody you are close to, or your finances or whatever. He was attacking my identity, but his attacks did not have the power to change it, or even merely what I believed about it, without my agreement/consent. I was determined not to give in, regardless of how long the attack should last. I actively decided also not to even think about length of time it might last and get worried if I could fight that long. Just think "No." End of story.
I removed the towel and went on watching the video, steeled inside to endure whatever attacks, because there was no way I was going to be running away from attacks endlessly and perhaps end up cooped up in the house looking at nothing for however long. Why should I? Those temptations had no real power, not unless I gave it that power and I intended not to.

Well, when I took off the towel and turned the vid back on, everything was back to normal and the attack was over.
He was testing me when he knew I was weak due to having lost pretty much everything I had over the year or two leading up to that moment, and due to being sick and snowed in and unable to get through the weather to church for two or three weeks in a row. I was hurting, I had no idea where it was all going to end, or where I went wrong - if I did - to end up that way and etc. I was broken in very many ways, but my faith was not and my will was not. I was down, but not out. I guess that was what I was being checked for, to see if I was still alive in there, or If I was done with and defeated - or at least defeatable... By God's grace, I was not.
By God's grace I never will be, and sexual sins are not the only things that applies to, just one of many.
DO I know for sure I will never ever be tested again? No. I don't care either. I know who I am, and that is all I need to know about the subject.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star

Growing in Discernment: Lessons Learned in Transition

As I continue to grow in discernment and reassess my beliefs about things and the directives I use to run my life, discernment keeps rising as a priority.

Having grown up around a lot of people who thing they are prophets, I have found that I gravitated a lot to environments where inaccurate teaching about such things was the backbone of the whole show. I have been a lot of places where individuals who thought they or somebody else was a "prophet" - of course we use that term very loosely here - and had overblown and romanticized ideas about what that meant. I've moved in worlds where people aspired to have some alleged prophecy spoken over them to guide them in their life and to make their decisions by. It's dangerous actually, to believe that way.

People in these environments often feared the Catholic Church and thought it was there to suppress the moves of the Spirit, to put people under fallen human control. The Magisterium actually is there to protect us from false prophecies like you so often find in places like that.

I have heard parts of how alleged visions and prophecies are judged officially by the Vatican, and applying what little I know of it to the stuff I have heard in my life, it knocks out so many things I thought really were from God that caused me to make huge, life altering, devastating mistakes.

When I moved out of Decatur a few years ago, for example, I had received counsel from my mother, who is now unfortunately nutty as a fruitcake, and from a friend who was also nuts. I had heard that people with mental health issues seem to be very "open to the Spirit" but you have to be careful and sort out what they say because sometimes it is God and sometimes it isn't. SO I wasn't taught to steer clear of that, only that it could be wrong. One of the things the Vatican inquires about when they investigate a professed prophecy or vision is whether the person's mind is sound. If not, they inquire no further. It's not that God can't use people like that in any way, He can, but He isn't going to set a person in that place who isn't able to discerning His voice consistently because they have other things that masquerade in their mind as His voice. God doesn't want his people confused and isn't going to send us a messenger we have to wonder if is really from him or not, where we have to determine if that person really heard from Him or from their own issues. What "discernment" in these cases boils down to is, if we agree with what they say, we believe them, if not, than we dismiss it. That passes for discernment. In Catholic tradition now, the individual's mental health is one of the first things they ask about.

The other thing I do know about the investigation process is they want to see humility. Some of the people I listened to would not pass what I know of the tests they would use for humility. They believed they were the ones God would use to bring all kinds of revelation and unity and stability in the Church, they believed they were more Christian than most Christians, they believed that because they were outcasts that they were the number one group God was going to move though in the last days. It is true God looks on the lowly, but He chooses those who do not feel qualified in themselves; I and those I moved with prior to becoming Catholic had a lot of wounded pride and other issues and the thought that others mistreatment of us meant we were going to be the number ones caused us to be lifted up in pride, I think.  That is a big hindrance to one being used by the Lord in really big and mighty ways. Therefore I don't think God was going to put us on top like that any time soon.

I have asked my pastor to recommend some books on how the Catholic Church investigates alleged visions and prophecies from God, and plan to read as much as I can as soon as possible. There are many things I believed came from God tome or from God through others tome, that I was basing and intended to base major life decisions on including things like marriage and what to go to school for. I need to get that sorted out before I do much else.

If anyone out there knows of such writings, please pass the word along to me, if you will.. The little bit I have learned about the process has gotten me out from under a lot of bondage and is probably keeping me out of a lot of trouble.

Godspeed, And don't buy into any alleged "prophecies" form people with questionable mental stability, even if you have a bunch of them who agree with each other.

-Mother Star.

Teresa of Avilla, the Saint from whom I took my confirmation name. She spent a lot of time with God and received a lot of revelation. She struggled with discernment too, to decide what was from God and what wasn't. Some of her writings helped me grow in this area as well, I recommend them and think I should read them again.

On Growing in Discernment - A Few Lessons Learned from My Own Mistakes.

Learning, learning, never stop learning.

One important lesson in life that is a pre-requisite for numerous others, is that you must acknowledge and learn from mistakes. If there is a pattern of destruction in your life, as there has been in mine, it is often hard to isolate the cause. You will likely not see it and others may not either.

I went from MI to IL, leaving a motel room and a non-temp-to-hire temp job where they wanted to hire me anyway, to another temp to hire job that laid me off after four months due to a drop in orders.

I had misgivings about leaving to go to work for a temp agency because I knew stuff like that can happen. I had sat down and assessed what I needed, what was important to me and what I wanted, and wrote it down. I prayed and I asked God to show me where to go, and said I wasn't leaving for a temp agency, it can't be depended on and I needed something dependable. Well, I turned around and accepted a job with a temp agency anyway, and it paid $0.50 less an hour than what I calculated I would need, but hiring in usually pays more than the temp service does so it would have presumably been ok if I'd hired in. It was everything else I was looking for, and I got impatient, so I hurried. I compromised. They laid me off and so my work record was not that competitive, to say the least. I couldn't give notice where I was before I went there either, or they would have found someone else, so that messed it up worse.

The next job I found paid even less, costed more to commute to, and was non-temp-to-hire temp job again. I was there 11 months. It was an hour drive one way and paid somewhat poorly. It was the only job I could find at the time. After 10 months a snowstorm hit and blew my car off the road and totaled my car. I lived in a motel for most of the next ten days so I could take the bus to work, then I managed to find a decent enough car for only $575. I panicked, though, and one of the first things I did was apply where I am now, which pays great but is increasingly unsafe and has this awful, unhealthy, swing shift. The day of my pre-employment screening physical, we had another snow storm. I was really late for work but I got there ok. I had been driving too fast in order not to be tardy when I had the wreck and had learned from that. That was the last real snow of the season, so the danger of going through the same thing again was over for the rest of the year - in hindsight, that means the reason to panic was no longer even there. 

I had told God back in January that I wasn't going to apply here because of the schedule, I wasn't sure I could handle it and I knew it was very unhealthy. I said I would have to be desperate, but I said if for some reason he wanted me here, to let something drastic happen but please don't let me lose my job. One big reason I did not want a swing-shift was because I wanted to go back to school.
I didn't lose my job after the wreck, due to favor from God with the employer and with friends who helped me through it. I took the wreck and my getting through it all ok as the sign I had asked for, and went ahead and applied here. I only put that stipulation in there because it paid really well and because I didn't trust my self to make good decisions anymore after what happened when I moved.  Looking back, an awful lot of people were in the ditch, not just me, many were upside down or on their side. If Gideon had put out a fleece like that, he'd have set next to a big puddle so that if the wind blew right, it would soak his fleece anyway. I recall hearing inside, "Its better to be late to work than not have a car or even a life to get there with anymore. Slow down" or some such and I said, "God, I sure hope that's not you, 'cuz I sure as hek am not going to risk being late." I really try not to be late for things, especially work. I was late anyway though, because I was in the ditch.

I heard teaching long ago that I forgot about, where the minister said he knew a lady who got into a VERY bad marriage that was advised against by himself and others. The lady married the guy because while she was asking God for guidance about what she should do, the wind began blowing through her wind chimes and she took that as a sign from God that she should marry the man. This minister had said we should not be just going around looking for fleeces all the time, we need to use wisdom and common sense and other things, but he said for major decisions, its all right. He said, however, that a sign needs to be something that cannot possibly happen by chance, like wind in chimes or my getting blown off the road in a  severe snowstorm while going 60pmh. The speed limit was 70, but 60 was still too fast and now I know better. I shouldn't have taken that as a sign to take this job, though.

I've learned to listen more to my instincts, I've learned not to compromise or let situations make me feel like I have to compromise. Now, if I'd been blown off the road with no wind, and no storm or anything, and not speeding, THAT could have been a sign. It happening in a snowstorm when tons of cars went off the road, after I'd had a nagging feeling to slow down more than I was doing, is not a sign from heaven about anything except that I should have slowed down. Nevertheless, I hurried again, into a closer-to-home job that was a big compromise and guess what? I absolutely hate it and am not even sure if I can do it over the long term because I have so much trouble with the swing shift. They aren't sure I will work out long term either at this point, though I am trying to do my best. My education plans are dead in the water again, which was devastatingly disappointing  too, but I thought I had my sign so I went for it anyway.

What have I learned? I've learned not to compromise what I know I need in order to push something  else that I need through faster. I learned to wait on God even if it takes much longer than I want it to, and I learned that even in unpleasant things, one can learn. I also remembered what I used to know, that you can't take things anything that can have a non-supernatural root cause as a divine sign.

Hopefully, I have really gotten the lesson through me this time. My plan now is to NOT rush into the next thing but to do research and make sure I am not doing the same thing again.

In the mean time I will try to pay attention to what I need and what works for me and look for something that is a better fit. I need to not worry about how long it takes though, I need to worry about making sure it is right. Therefore I am now making another list of what I need and want and considering what is honestly non-negotiable. This time, I must not compromise no matter how long it takes, because that leads to instability, misery and disaster. I've also learned to cope with the pain of facing my mistakes and owning them. Its not fun, but it is the only thing to do to break a deadly cycle.

I hope my exposing my own foolishness and what I learned from it can help somebody else somewhere. Be careful if you think it should have been obvious. I used to do that and someday those who gloat over other's goof-ups will be banging their heads against the wall trying to figure out their own. I sure have been for a while now, so I also know now that I can never throw stones at somebody else's poor choices because I am more than capable of being blind of making mistakes.

Take care and Godspeed. And don't ask God for signs that aren't really signs.

-Mother Star

Study of Native American Cultures and Beliefs and Being a Christian

I've been reading "The White Man's Gospel" by an Anashinabe (aka
Chippewa, Ojibwa, or Ojibwe) Christian minister.
When making the case that Christianity is really not "The White Man's gospel" or "The White Mans's religion" he points out the comparisons between the Isrealites/Jews and Native Americans. He said Jews were divided into twelve tribes, and when Jesus walked the earth as a man, he was a Jew and lived in the Jews native land, a place that was occupied by a conquering external power. They lived with Rome's laws and some of their own laws, and were surrounded by a mix of Rome's religion and their own... he made some other observations of life in 2nd Temple period Israel. It's very much like what Native Americans deal with today. They feel the same pain and much the same way about the situation though (I personally note that there were Zealots and Herodians, and in betweens, in Jesus' time. Different Jewish people had different ways of dealing with the situation, and they didn't necessarily agree or get along about it, and there was internal political struggles of sorts, and that's the way reservations are, especially Pine Ridge as I understand it....) He gets people to connect Christianity with its Jewish roots, and to relate the ways of the Jews with their own traditional ways where applicable and it is a way that breaks down some of the hostility and barriers.
He also notes something that I myself have noticed:
Salvation came through the Jews, but as far as the giving of the law and basic morals and rules to live by, as well as practices that instill and support those things, MANY - and perhaps even most or all, idk yet - tribes do indeed have a lot in common with ancient Jews. I've been noticing that myself and it is good to hear another Christian confirm that so I know it isn't my imagination or the enemy trying to deceive me...
He says he has been to many tribes and spoken with many medicine men about the Bible, especially the OT. A great many have said, after hearing about or studying the OT, that if somebody put down the history of their core beliefs down, and their stories of how it has developed and was given to them, it would be very much like the OT.
Israel even sometimes got deceived into mixing demonic and animistic practices with the worship of God, as the Bible records in some of the major and minor prophets, and it upset God greatly - as I'm sure the Cherokee and Lakotah and etc do when they do this as well. I think that is pretty much what has happened in many Indian religions, and it seems that this brother thinks so too.
He notices as I do, underneath the animistic and demonic practices (Satan can't create anything, he can only mess up what is), the commands and workings of God that were originally probably given to them by God, who they call "The great spirit" or something close to that. They do not, however, have the indwelling of the Holy spirit or claim to, nor do they profess the same kind of connection to "Ya" that we do. As far as I know, Judaism doesn't profess the same degree of connection and familiarity with God that Christ offers us either, though there might be and I just don't know about it. I have noticed some Lakotah calling Ha Shem the Great-Grandfather, though, but not anything like "Abba."
So when I post or write about the rites and stuff of the Lakotah or any other tribe, that is the stuff I am looking up and trying to bring out. There are things in there that I find helpful and maybe someone else will too. I am aware that there are other forces that are not good that work in these religions, who have brought in a lot of their stuff in that is not worth studying. I do find that if I study hard and dig, I will find stuff like that woven into about everything, sadly. But when people give the gist of it, the core, they primarily talk about the Great Mystery (aka, Ha Shem, I am pretty sure) and the things that they say will primarily be VERY uplifting and good. Its like hearing stuff from the bible explained in a really different way, with nature examples and perhaps hunting/hiking stories involved... If you try and go too deep though, you will hear about the other spirits who are not the Great Mystery, they are totally separate but are equally revered, and all the crap that they have added and continue to add (Mostly in the form of rules and complicated steps that people have to take, and must do just right in order to be right. Sounds familiar, huh? Its the devil) All of that stuff is useless, and does not have the same kind of beauty, or the same respect for women that attracted me to it all in the first place.
What got me into this stuff in the first place is, I was trying to find out what life was like for men in non-patriarchal societies. I just wanted to know. I ended up finding all this other great stuff and wound up extremely passionate about Native American issues and my own native heritage. It's been a journey, and I pray all the time that I will not get sucked into anything awful.
I hope that through sharing some bits of the discoveries along the road I can help somebody else. I keep putting scriptures with it, and if I can't find any scriptures that fit it without serious editing, it is a nice big, red flag for me. Thanks for any prayers going up about it.

Godspeed
~Mother Star

Eagles Don't Fly from Nest to Nest

"Eagles don't fly from nest to nest" - Lakotah teaching on human sexual morals.

I know it upsets guys to hear this, like it upsets people if you tell them god didn't make them gay. but if you don't believe stuff the world and the enemy tell you about yourself (identity) and your sexuality, it makes it a lot easier not to give in to the temptations, and to even become free of the attacks at all to one degree or other. There are guys out in jungles and remote places and they get in conversations with westerners, called anthropologists (who do not even believe God's teaching on sexual morals and who sometimes seem to do all they can to twist their research in favor of their corrupted ones), and they are forced to admit that many tribal guys can't wrap their mind around why anyone would go to a strip club, or why anyone would pursue things like porn.

Lust by itself, like in strip clubs and porn and such, doesn't make any babies, it doesn't make any bonds between people that get them through things together. It doesn't discharge any of the natural functions of sexuality in human lives, at all. There are no creatures out in the wild looking for a chance to watch each other mate,let alone giving up food or nesting material or whatever in exchange for a chance to see it. There is actually no support for the notion that lust like this is natural. It truly isn't found in every human society and isn't found, as far is I know, in ANY animals at all.
Eagles don't fly from nest to nest. According to Russel Means and Bayard Johnson's book, wild canines like wolves and coyotes do not mate promiscuously. Only alpha females and alpha males mate, and only with each other. non-alpha females do get in heat and there are males present but mating does not occur for one reason or other. Domesticated dogs are not particular about mate choice, but those with no human intervention and alteration are very particular. The Lakotah guys I was reading basically interpret the behavior of wild canines as a form of monogamy and take it as testimony from nature that faithfulness in marriage is the dictate of "natural law"or "Universal Law" as they call it, and the will of the Great Spirit for their lives.
Apex predators, which humans are, do not need to multiply like rabbits to keep their balanced spot in an ecosystem. Male apex predators don't behave the way THIS society says men are hardwired to live, and humans are apex predators. Yes it is possible for us all to be tempted to step outside God's balanced plan for our sexuality, but no, he did not hardware our species to do so, not even males. That's what they teach us in women's books, that men are hardwired to be "sexual hunters" to look for chances to mate everywhere, like they would look for food. There is no actual support for that in the natural world and there are even unreached people groups who don't have that view. Mice live like that, they are near the bottom of the food chain and are almost defenseless, but you're not a mouse and neither am I. We - any of us - aren't designed to think/be promiscuous, any more than wolves and eagles are. That is a lie of the devil as much as hardwired homosexuality is, and the church needs to get a grip on truth if we're going to live in freedom God has for us,let alone be light in this gross degree of darkness,
I hope this didn't sound like an attack. It's not one. Truth will make you free, whether it hurts or not, but I hope of course that it doesn't/didn't.

Godspeed

~Mother Star

Review, Stopping and Preventing Child Abuse, Part 5: More Ways to Prevent Abuse and Resources to Fight It With

Not everyone has time to read such long posts as the recent one about stopping child abuse. If someone is suspicious and feels a need to double check the information that made roused their suspicions about a person or situation, the post is not really "reference friendly either". Therefore, I am reposting the information in bits so people can get to it easier.

More Ways to Prevent Abuse:
Whether you suspect abuse or not, let kids in your life know you'll listen, and talk to them often. Acknowledge them. Pedophiles actively seek and are quick to pick up on a child who feels they have no one to talk to or has unmet emotional needs. They use these needs to get close and to win their trust and affection. Abusers do not exclusively pick on the already abused or kids who are lonely or bullied or feel they have no one to talk to, but those kids are easier to make connections to because they are needy. Children who have trusted adults and know they can talk to their parents are more likely to tell when they have been given things they shouldn't have, or offered opportunities to do what they aren't allowed to do. Pedophiles do those things (see above"How ot spot an abuser> "The rules do not apply to me") in order to find out who will tell. This is how they sort of thin the herd of kids they gather around themselves, and decide who to victimize. You may have heard they single out their victims, these are common ways they do so. (DO NOT blame yourself if you were victimized, after being given forbidden things you wanted and not telling, Do not blame kids/teens if this happens to them. This is never their fault).

Report abuse to the law if a child reports it to you. Even with the steps they take to "screen" victims and eliminate kids who are likely to tell, the average convicted child molester is told-on 5 times before any legal action is taken. Five times! That is just not right. If authorities were consistently notified the first time a child reports abuse, the other four who would eventually tell, plus all the ones who would not tell, might not be abused at all. The number of kids being abused could go down by at least 80%, based on that number! If you are told about abuse by a child, it is your responsibility to report it to authorities and/or to parents if a child tells you this. It may be illegal not to, depending where you live.
Here is the child abuse hotline's website if you need more information. https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/This is the number: 1-800 -4-A-CHILD that is 1-800-422-4453. That applies to Americans only, or course. If you do not know your countries hotline number (or if there is one) you should probably look that up, unless you truly neither have kids, nor know or ever see any.

Be careful at fairs, amusement parks and water parks, and other crowded, noisy places. One convicted pedophile interviewed for this research said he'd loved water parks. He got a lot of video plus a lot of "accidental" touching in the wave pool. He said they were some of the best places to go, for a pedophile. Beware, do not let kids go about unsupervised in crowded public places, and keep them very close to you in water parks. Stay right by them and be very watchful - be their bodyguard - if you do go into the wave-pool, but ideally you should probably avoid it.

Never let children go tot the public bathrooms by themselves, no matter how upset they get. This author experienced the consequences of that mistake first-hand, many years ago, and in a church the family only visited once.
While most instances of sexual abuse/assault are committed by someone the victim knows [also true of the sexual assault of adults], usually trust is built and a relationship developed with the parents, whether it is at a church or another social event/hub. That is still not 100% of cases. Asmall percntage of those who abuse children are doing so out of hate, not attraction, and it more like the common motivations for sexual assault of adults - control, dominance, perhaps cruelty. This type of act may also involve physical abuse and/or murder. This type of person may take kids by force from a mall or store, or assault them in the bathroom, They are indeed out there, and we all need to be aware.
 All churches are still located in this fallen world and have fallen people in it of every possible sort, just like the rest of this planet. The doors are open to the public, anyone can open them and enter. Do not take chances with your kids.

Check the state police website for a list/map of the local registered sex offenders and become aware of convicted abusers in your area. Warn you family and others about them.

Thank you for reading. Please put what you'v learned here into practice

Godspeed.

~Mother Star.

Review Preventing and Stopping Child Abuse, Part 3:

Not everyone has time to read such long posts as the recent one about stopping child abuse. If someone is suspicious and feels a need to double check the information that made roused their suspicions about a person or situation, the post is not really "reference friendly either". Therefore, I am reposting the information in bits so people can get to it easier.

Creating a Safe Church (Control Access, Monitoring Programs) Some adults should be kept as far from kids as possible. Controlling access is about keeping people like this away from children as much as possible.

Screen all volunteers - Background Checks, reference checks, etc. - While it is true that a person has to have been caught or reported sometime before this will turn anything up, it is sadly amazing how many incidents would be prevented if adults in responsible positions had done this!

Know where kids are at all times - pretty self-explanitory

Parents or guardians (but only parents or guardians) should be allowed to visit a class or daycare center, anytime with or without notice. Drop in sometime on your kids' daycare, if applicable.

Monitor all programs. Some people start new church programs without proper permission. DO NOT                  TOLERATE THIS! Make sure all programs go through approval process, no exceptions. It crates loopholes for example, if you do background checks but people start programs and such for your church or school without proper permission. They might not have been screened/ Also, an aware pastor or other supervisor might see red-flags in some "programs" for outreach or whatever that are created with these evil ulterior motives. You can't use your discernment for this without being on top of what is going on and making sure no one does these things without your permission.

Lock all unused rooms - probably self-explanitory. People can get behind closed doors with a kid whose trust they have somehow won if the unused doors are not locked! Only carefully screened people should have keys, and they shouldn't be unlocking these doors without good reasons.

Thank you for reading,and please take this seriously. It is part of being salt and light, to shelter innocents from devastation, especially within your own church or community.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star