Depression - On Getting Through It

I said I was going to post abut the issue of homosexuality,and I am.
Today however, I feel I need to address depression instead.


The holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas,and New Year's Day - are generally either highlights of people's year or the hardest time of all. For those of us without families, or with very dysfunctional families, this season tends to bring extreme pain. The sun shines a lot less for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, and this leads to depression for many people as well.

It is a bad time of year, in a lot of ways, for a lot of people. This time of year is called "The winter slump." Many factories have layoffs annually at this time of year. Hours, and sometimes whole jobs/positions, are reduced this time of year and people's bills are higher. People's heating bills are higher, cars cost more to run, Everything takes more time as people often have to drive slower. Some industries will pick up again as early as late January, others will bottom out for the season right about that time. For many people. income will not likely pick back up until the same time that their bills go back down.

If someone is facing economic challenges as well as familial dysfunction, grief over a loved one, or a recent/in-progress divorce, this time of year is an absolute nightmare. Add a physical aspect such as the need for sunlight, and you have a great recipe for misery.

So, how to get through it? I am not currently on any medication, so I have to "just deal with it," right now. Avoiding a lot of sugar, especially chocolate in some cases, can help. Believe it or not, eating certain kinds of foods, like eating a lot of vegetables, can help support the body through this battle. Vitamin D helps as well, since we are inside so much this time of year and our levels of that are probably lower. Give your body the very best fuel you can because depression is not just mental, it is also physical. Helping your body as best as you can will at least reduce the depressing effects of being unhealthy.

Do not sit and watch TV, or play games for the bulk of the day. At first it may help but later you will probably feel lower than you did before. Also, those two things are emotionally addictive, like porn, gambling and other such.

I find that having a "to-do"list helps. I think of it as steps to get out of or change the situation I have. If I make the list too long though, it will backfire and I will not be able to do anything.
Keep up your hygiene as best as you can and try to keep you house/room clean - or at least cleaner. Sometimes depression makes it harder to do any of those things. Pick one aspect to work on, like piling dirty clothes into one place, or washing dishes, or putting dirty dishes in the sink or near it. Pick only one thing. If your place is a mess, what s the main type of thing scattered around? Gather that main thing(s) into piles or stacks, anywhere is better than all over the place. PIck a spot arbitrarily if you must. When it is done you may feel better and be able to pick one or even two more things.
DO NOT think about all the stuff you did not do, or did not yet do. Just think about what you did. In my case, it helps to ask myself what I would do if the mess were made by someone else in my situation and I was there to help them? Then I tackle it the same way. This probably means I do not care about myself enough...

I am embarrassed to post this but I am going to show you my room after several days of increasingly crippling depression. Then what it looks like after I have taken the steps above.

The rest of place is in varying states between the two, and I will probably make a little more progress tonight, but the whole house will not look organized tomorrow. No way.
Now you know, if you are facing crippling depression, that you are not alone and that this monster can be overcome. in increments of nothing else.

 If you get overwhelmed, try to pick a place to start with the things that are overwhelming you. If you are out of work, set a goal to apply for something. Anything. Look up the bus schedules, if you'll be using the bus, and get an idea what time you'd need to be where in order to make it a certain job that is posted. Maybe plan how you would dress for the interview in case you got one. Sometimes this thinking can make things worse, but it might make it better. Try it and see, if you haven't yet.
A saying I heard,though I don't know who said it, "If you think you can't go on,take one more step, and then, if you still think you can't go on, take just one more step..." Really,that is true, and the only way I know how to get through depression like this.

I hope that helps someone else through the winter slump" in whatever way it is affecting you.
God bless.
~M.S.

Talking About Homosexuality

Well, I have a controversial story to tell.
I am going to tell it soon, but it is not an easy thing for me to discuss. it is controversial and likely to draw a backlash, but it has to be said. I have been writing a lot about Katniss and the Revolution in Panem of the Hunger Games, and it is motivating me to be less afraid of retaliation and more interested in just letting the truth prevail.
So, within the next few days, I expect to have a post up on this completely unsafe topic.
Until then,be blessed and be well, and please pray for me as I work on this draft.
Godspeed

~Mother Star

Lessons From the Hunger Games - Part 5

If somebody put real Hunger Games on tv or a webcast, would you watch it? Would you feed the monster and help it grow?

Suzanne Collins put, in my opinion, an allegory to our time in a book and on a screen. Ironically, it may only be lost in the mix of media messages for most people.I offer some thoughts on how the world of The Hunger Games is really parallel to our own. There are a lot of questions here to ask yourself, I am not really looking for people to give me their answers, some of these are quite personal. Just answer them to your God and yourself.

I have said how the world of The Hunger Games resembles our world in how media redirects our attention from serious issues onto non-issues, hoe many of the effects are harmful, and how we need to genuinely stand up to the system and attack the problems at the root. In The Hunger Games the people of Panem need to recognize that the violence they and their countrymen, their children, are subjected to is senseless. 

That is often true in our lives today. Every day in America, young people die in gang violence. Every day in America and around the world, people consume media glamorizing this real-life bloodbath and get the same things out of it that Panem got from watching the Hunger Games: sense of identity, and excitement. Like The Hunger Games' characters, real people relish the "action," while refusing to face the hideous reality affecting people in our cities or at least our states. We focus on non-issues, like how this media puts minorities in the limelight, how they "represent" their socioeconomic class or their "race." Likewise, The Hunger Games' media personalities went on about how Peeta and Katniss raised their hands together "I am proud I come from District 12," putting a little band-aid on the compound fracture of District 12's problems. Some of those problems were right in front of them, in the form of two young people who were not really there by choice. The celebrity commentators made lots of emotional appeals that shifted focus and ignored the real issues. They went on and on about superficial things like clothes and mannerisms. They made very significant mountains out of some psychological molehills in order to justify celebrating such extreme tragedy - tragedy that can be equaled, if not exceeded, by the realities in some of our own communities.

The Lesson: Like the Capitol of Panem in The Hunger Games, middle-class Americans and Europeans get most of the resources the rest of the world breaks their back to produce, and enjoys the services of those who must slave at three jobs to make ends meet. There are numerous inequalities built into the system we have in our real world, too. Violence will not solve the problem. Being amused by a problem does not solve it, either. There are things that can be done, things that must be done. Step one is calling reality exactly what it is. Media that presents these problems in a way that does not inspire people to take serious action is probably not "calling attention" to it effectively.

Some info on what's really driving there unpleasant realities: I grew up in a minority neighborhood, a black neighborhood, though I am white. People finished school there without learning how to read. Teachers did not really teach them and did not really grade their work. I was homeschooled and learned to read "The Cat Sat on a Mat" the first day. One of my childhood friends who was a year older than me, Latoya, did not believe that I could read. I read her a story from my reader. She asked to borrow it, went into my house and asked my mom to teach her to read. There were, and I think are, laws on the books that might have gotten my mom in a lot of trouble if she had done so, so she refused. I have no idea if, or how well, Latoya ever learned because we moved away.
I had heat in my house during winter, usually. During middle school, some of my friends wore their heavy winter coats to some of the their classes at school because the heat did not work on the second floor. The teacher had a small heater under her desk that helped keep her warm but the students shivered while they tried to learn. THAT will bring your grades down very quickly! It went on like that for years.
Many students in poor and/or minority dominant schools, receive even decades-old, outdated textbooks that are basically destroyed. When I was in college, I attended a meeting with local organizations, high school students, and members of the local NAACP chapter. The problems in my old neighborhood are common across the nation, and are getting worse. There was no heat in Eisenhower High School (in Decatur, IL) at that time. I do not know if the heat was ever fixed, but I do know they now have to strip down and surrender their coats, sweaters, and jackets when they arrive at school so that they cannot hide drugs or weapons in them. They get their coats back at the end of the day. There were flat screen TVs (a luxury at the time) on the walls in every hallway but they were never turned on or used for education. The books they used remained tattered and outdated. The building has been renovated,and is almost made of windows now. If the pattern I have heard of in other cities persists here, they still will not have new books and the higher heat bills will be an excuse for even less effective education. A friend in social work found out at a conference the same thing was happening in our state's capitol.
In all of these communities, drugs and gangs are a serious problem. A SERIOUS problem. I said, a serious PROBLEM, not a serious charade or show. The forces driving these problem are largely in the majority's control. People can and should hold school boards accountable. People can and must and demand transparency about whether books in poorer school districts are up to date, whether the buildings have climate control, and etc. Few, if any, ever do. People in power are not inclined to pay attention to letters written in Ebonics or street slang, and that is how a lot of people, from my old neighborhood at least, would write. People with good enough education to be taken seriously need to write the letters and they don't. Often they have no idea what is going on, and rely on an entertainment oriented news media to tell them.
People showed up at the local community college needing remedials for material that should have been taught them in Kindergarten; this includes both math and English. I heard an English tutor say he was helping someone with a paper that said, "Ain't nobody gonna PMD" which, he was told meant "put me down." The student actually planned to hand that in to a (remedial) English teacher in their freshman year of college. Seriously. Imagine trying to get a job as a secretary with math and language skills like that. Imagine trying to write a resume with that education level. Forget it. 
The kids know that they do not have decent books and adequate facilities that other schools do have, and they deduce that no one believes in them. People of every race and class need to stand up and fight for them, and make education truly equal and right. Unlike people in The Hunger Games it will not cost you floggings, executions and war to make the needed changes. It only costs the time to write a strong letter to your local elected officials. It will probably save you a lot in taxes later too, honestly.

Many middle class whites from the U.S. and Europe plug in every day, getting their adrenaline fix off of glamorization of real people's real problems. Media commentators glorify how those "artists" are so rebellious and courageous, and how the violence and misogyny and references to drugs are understandable because of where they come from. "They are black people in the media representing their community. Don't expect them to act responsibly." Thus, "gangsta" media puts minorities in the limelight much like black-face did in the 1930's. Do the middle class knuckleheads who carry on about how those "artists" are "telling it like it is" ever do anything to change "how it is"? No. If ghettos ceased to exist, if people of every race and class got the same opportunities, if organized crime disappeared tomorrow, where would they get their entertainment? Who would smuggle in their drugs? Who would they pretend to be a part of, rather than facing their own "boring," relatively privileged lives? Do those who allegedly "call attention to" these issues explain why minority-dominant schools score so poorly and their students do not get jobs? Do they tell what specifically can be done about it? No. They exploit these problems, and the broken emotions of their genuinely poor-minority fans, for personal wealth. That is not admirable.

The Lesson: What is going on in your city, your country, and your world that you need to stop getting entertained by and start standing up to? Are you willing to raise the three-fingered sign, like Katniss and District 11 did, and start the revolution? If you had to bring the news to one of those boys' mothers that her son has become a statistic, or had to watch her get the news like District 11 watched Katniss weep over Rue, I bet you would be ready to stop enjoying and consuming, and start acting and resolving. Immediately.

Godspeed.
~ M.S.

Lessons From the Hunger Games - Part 4

If somebody put real Hunger Games on tv or a webcast, would you watch it? Would you feed the monster and help it grow?

Suzanne Collins put, in my opinion, an allegory to our time in a book and on a screen. Ironically, it may only be lost in the mix of media messages for most people.I offer some thoughts on how the world of The Hunger Games is really parallel to our own. There are a lot of questions here to ask yourself, I am not really looking for people to give me their answers, some of these are quite personal. Just answer them to your God and yourself.

The make-overs the tributes are given remind me of how overly focused on appearances we are in our society. It might be more serious in The Hunger Games, but perhaps not. Our definitions of “really looking good” are already outside the range human variation. In The Hunger Games, people focus on tributes' hair and clothes and not on the fact that they are children forced against their will – usually – to go out killing each other.
In our own society, people risk their lives and health to “look good” and I am not only talking about anorexia and anabolic steroids. People sometimes take their lives because they think they are "ugly"and unacceptable. No one in The Hunger Games committed suicide because they believed they were ugly (at least not to my knowledge, I have only seen the films, not the books). Looking at it that way, we might be more obsessed with looks than The Hunger Games' Panem was. People's looks mattered more than their lives there. Here the overemphasis on appearance causes people to get rid of their lives, intentionally or otherwise, all by themselves. It's due to media-driven, unrealistic “standards.” We have an internalized, voluntarily accepted, brainwashing that distracts us from what is important and also extracts money from our pockets.

President Snow said the reason the Hunger Games had a winner was to give people a certain amount of hope. They had to have just a little hope, just enough to keep people going doing things that lined his pockets. Enough to secure his control over them. Not enough to stand up and become free though. Never that.There is a high enough demand for a change that media powerhouses often pretend to concede, without messing up the idea they need: that these people are much better than you, that being chosen and employed by these powerhouse corporations truly makes you above others. "Give people some hope, or you lose control over them. Make sure you don't actually empower them though". They do that periodically, much like President Snow from The Hunger Games did every year. So many "rebels" in the media are not rebels at all. For example, Lady Gaga is a skinny, blatant sex-object. This does nothing to challenge the belief that women's purpose and value comes in sex-appeal, that we are objects, or that women should be thin. THOSE are the messages that help drive girls to suicide or terrible life-choices, motivate law enforcement not to take rape seriously, contribute to anorexia, or inspire males to misuse women. It also presents sex as power, which is one characteristic of rape-prone societies. Even many who should know better believe she is "someone standing up to the status quo". She IS the status quo. Nothing changed that was truly destructive. No hair and make-up colors are destructive. No sounds are inherently destructive. Messages can be harmful though, and the messages these so-called "rebels" send are often more extreme versions of the same old poison. 

The lesson: Next time you hear about yet another media icon who "stands up to the system" remember it is not real - especially if they continue the images that truly drive real problems, or even take the harmful parts to new levels. The system they supposedly rebel against is the one telling you all this to get you to buy their stuff. If artists truly "rebel against the demands of the entertainment industry", they will not be on top of that industry, or even get signed by major companies. Forget it. No one is going to the top by genuinely standing up to the system. The entertainment industry will not give you better things to buy if what they are already doing is selling like hotcakes. Stop buying the harmful things they're giving, and then maybe they will.



Personally, I haven't watched TV in years. I do not buy magazines from the grocery counter or read the ones in doctor's offices and laundry mats. I bring my own reading material, usually something that helps me build a skill or grow spiritually. Occasionally it is just for entertainment. All of it is very carefully selected. Sometimes I just write. Doing these things was difficult at first, and got easier with time. Soon, I thought I had eliminated the things that degraded me, or shifted my focus to stupid and shallow things. Then, I began to realize how many other ways I was being degraded, insulted, or inspired toward misplaced priorities by what I still had, or was adding, in my media collection. A lot of stuff got deleted that had originally passed my tests. It did not matter what it had cost, it needed to go. Sometimes I temporarily grieved for it, sorta, but usually I did not. The best thing that has come from all this is, I like what the mirror shows me more, and when I go to the store I do not notice people's big flabby butts as much. I may notice if people are big, but it does not “stand out” to me as much, or in as vivid of detail. It is not what I talk about when my friends and I leave the store, or if I need a laugh. Not anymore. If I need a laugh, I sometimes laugh at people who watch too much TV and, apparently, unconsciously believe what they see there. That will either make one laugh or cry. For a long time I resisted any interest in The Hunger Games too, because I figured it was more “mainstream media b.s.” and senseless violence, just like what is depicted in the story itself. For some people, it may indeed be just another source of escape from reality, another blood, guts and adrenaline “escape from the realities of my rather wasted life.” It does not have to be. It is very much an allegory, and an empowering wake-up call.

We may be shunned by some if we do not conform, but not by everyone. Our society does not need an armed revolution to turn things around. We need self-discipline, and an unrelenting self-respect that refuses even passive participation in things we don't believe in. 

The primary lesson for today: Brainwashing via entertainment.
The largest difference between us and The Hunger Games really isn't the basic nature or even the intensity of the problem. The biggest difference is we are free to say no, and they weren't – not without armed revolt anyway. In The Hunger Games, the media that brainwashed everyone to ignore what was important and obsess about what wasn't was backed by physical force. If you rebelled, you were beaten or killed. No one is going to shoot us if we do not watch TV or buy magazines, and start genuinely thinking for ourselves. If you threw harmful brainwashing out of your life, who could stop you? Really? 
We could armed-revolt without results, as the worst of our problem is in our addictions and appetites for the poisons of the powerful. We don't just need to say “no” to politicians and corporations to reclaim our lives and dignity. We need to say no to ourselves, first, to become free to say “no” to them. The problem and the solution is, in the real world, you must be your own Mockingjay. The only question about whether or not you can do it is whether or not you will. It is up to you, and like Katniss Everdeen, your decisions may have more impact than you expect.

Goodnight and Godspeed


~Mother Star

NEVER! GIVE! UP!: Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive

You gotta know what you want before you can know how to succeed at it.
I know what I want and my dreams are as big as my obstacles have ever been, much bigger than they are now.

I have been writing, writing, writing. I have also done a lot of studying. There is lots to learn. Always lots to learn. There  will never come a time when that is not the case. No matter how much learning one has done, there is always so much to learn.

The landlord has offered to sell us the house on CFD. We would just pay the same amount we pay for rent,just like normal, until it is paid off. At this rent rate,that would be just under three years. My roommate doesn't want it,but I do. I do not want to take on that kind of responsibility in this situation though, so I have to wait.

I am still planning to study graphic art, but am no longer sure which institution to study through. I am considering the local community college here, just because it will be a lot more stuff, including some multimedia and 3D animation classes, plus hand-drawing which I want to get back into. It also offers an internship,which I could put on a resume and would go a ways toward building the all-important portfolio. The online one is cheaper though, is all online, and self-paced so it would not put any constraints on my time or miles on my car. Decisions decisions. Registration for the local school,which I already have a A.A. degree from and do not much care for, does not open until  late march or early April. Registration for the online one is always open. At least I am not under pressure to make a decision immediately.

I am getting through a MOOC creative writing class, little by little, as I can. It is going pretty well, I think. I am getting more serious than ever about my blog - well,there are two blogs actually. This one and one I only poston once or twice a week. I have done some research on SEO (search engine optimization) and learned some new techniques to try.

I also recently ordered a course for real estate investment. It checks out with the BBB and has pretty positive ratings and checks everywhere I have looked. So, I took the plunge a couple days ago and ordered it. I have been reading the e-book and am on page 16 or so out of 119. I hope to start seriously putting it to use in early January, maybe just a bit later.

I find myself pretty much where I most did not want to be. Living in Decatur in Winter without a job. However, I am holding my own for the most part, and am putting this time and disappointment to good use to make what REALLY want a reality. Decatur,IL does not have a lot of job prospects,especially in winter. The place that laid me off was in Champaign. The main reason I wanted to return to this region - not to this town, but oh well - was to be nearer to people that are far better family to me than my biological family. I had to escape my biological family, but I just had the best Thanksgiving Day I have ever had, despite my living in Decatur.

I am anxious to see some of this hard work pay off monetarily, but I know that is not going to happen in two weeks or anything like that. It takes months to get projects like these off the ground - especially for ones where the full course for how to do it has not even arrived in the mail yet!
In the mean time, I have gotten a couple of really short temp jobs lined up for December, a somewhat regular client expects to have more writing for me to do next month ("freelance" is usually never steady), and have unemployment coming in every couple of weeks (I do report anything I make to them, of course, and recommend doing so to anyone in that situation). Progress is actually moving at a pretty good clip, perhaps that is the reason why it often still feels like it is standing still....

Until next time, don't you ever give up on your dreams. And I will not do so either. :)

Godspeed.

Thanksgiving Day/The Day of Mourning

First of all, I'm of the opinion that being thankful makes people consume less, not more.

The real story of thanksgiving is not nearly as pretty as our traditions would have us believe, but we have an opportunity before us to change that,

The real story of Thanksgiving involves a war between the white settlers and the resident tribal people, the Pequot. The biggest Pequot settlement was surprised, and 500-600 people were massacred, Many were burned alive. Sadly, the Puritans were a driving force behind this attack; these individuals viewed the native peoples as "infidels"much like ISIS leaders might view mom-Muslims right now. Those who fled or surrendered were killed, or sold into slavery. Only a few Pequots remained. The first celebration of Thanksgiving was, unfortunately, thanking Jehovah and Jesus for the successful completion of this atrocity. Obviously, Jesus was not pleased with this, but that is what was thought.
The National Day of Mourning, celebrated by American Indians and their allies on Thanksgiving Day, is not celebrated by its founders as an anti-Thanksgiving Day event. It actually functions much the way we are told - inaccurately - that the original Thanksgiving event did.  It celebrates diversity of cultures, including but not limited to American Indians. The event brings cultures together and serves a great deal of food, prepared and served by volunteers, In 2014, 400-500 people were served. The event does offer thanks for what we have now, and has multiple purposes. First of all, it raises awareness of what really happened, and remembers the victims of the American Holocaust. It also brings attention to current hardships facing American Indians today, including an astronomically high youth suicide rate, abnormally high rates of diabetes and poverty and inaccessibility of medical care.

The reality of our ancestors' greed is an ugly thing, and it needs to be confronted and corrected. The National day of Mourning both shows us the unpleasant truth of our past, and offers us a chance to move forward. It is an opportunity to start making new history the way we really wanted the old history to be.
A 21st century count numbers the Pequot at about 3000. Four-hundred years time has allowed this population to begin to recover. In the same way, our nation can recover from centuries of lies. and the ugly repressed truth of our beginnings. The restoration offered by The National Day of Mourning gives us a chance to make the future hopeful for the Pequot and other tribes. It also offers us a chance to put the shame of our past, and the temptation to keep hiding from the truth, behind us.

Cross Castle also supports the Lakotah Oyate, which means "Republic of Lakotah" in Lakotah.

Godspeed

~Mother Star

Lessons from The Hunger Games pt 3

If somebody put real Hunger Games on tv or a webcast, would you watch it? Would you feed the monster and help it grow?

Suzanne Collins put, in my opinion, an allegory to our time in a book and on a screen. Ironically, it may only be lost in the mix of media messages for most people.I offer some thoughts on how the world of The Hunger Games is really parallel to our own. There are a lot of questions here to ask yourself, I am not really looking for people to give me their answers, some of these are quite personal. Just answer them to your God and yourself.

How many in our society can relate to Heymitch? What does he do with his life? To save his life, he sends kids like he once was to their death every year. All the money/winnings he has came from killing other kids, back when he was a kid. He does something that he doesn't believe in to survive. Within that system, he does his best to try to help, but more often than not they still die.

Before we go off on Heymitch for what he does, remember he grew up with it. When he was a kid he probably had some amount of expectations and hoped for how his life might go. Now, he hides in his alcohol and does his best to stay alive. He feels he has no control over the situation. Something that has not changed for him since he was sent to the hunger games, is he just tries to stay alive. He dares not bond with his charges, since they will probably die. Meanwhile, he is not really living, he lives to escape from his life with booze. There are many people who do that in our society, either through substances, or media, or other activities that takeover and become their consolation prize for perpetually surrendered hopes, dreams, or ideals.

The lesson: Sometimes people become - or believe they've become- trapped in circumstances that force them to participate in what they know is wrong. Pharmacists who do not believe in abortion go through this because the laws now force them to carry abortion drugs, at least in Illinois. Many trafficking victims may go through this as well. This is a terrible thing to experience and a terrible thing to do to other people. It is a sign that something is horribly wrong in the society, or with the laws thereof.

Sponsors – Create a demand that tributes kiss-butt and be someone else in order to please, so that they might be given some necessities for survival.

The corporate world – Expectations for how to dress, and how to talk and the impression you must give. Why? Essentially, in order to literally stay alive. How is “I will take your livelihood away from you, or not give it to you in the first place,” that much less severe than “I will beat you up, or shoot you”? The whole, “I will not allow you any of the wherewithal you need to survive, no matter how hard you work, or what you do, unless you impress me. Most grounds I expect to be impressed on do not relate to what anybody even needs from you, and I am also looking for reasons not to be impressed.” Sounds a lot like a job interview to me. “Pretend you are passionate about this company and everything we do and stand for, or else you have no reason to exist.” Why do employers do that? To survive. Just like the sponsors. They adapt to their environment without really changing it the ways that it needs. Perhaps they do not know how, or perhaps they also have surrendered.

The system becomes very complicated, very dishonest, and very self-serving and all the while, the idea is to look like you are not self-serving, complicated, or dishonest.

The lesson: life in a system that forces everybody to lie, or to refuse to face some truth, in order to get by is a system that requires change.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star