I have never been on a date. Seriously.
At 32 I have never dated even once.
I have never done a huge amount of thinking about birth control. I have never made any big life decisions that take into account whether I might have kids or whether my leaving an area might or not might affect a relationship.
I have not thought a huge amount about if I am comfortable with a joint account or two people having their own accounts in a marriage relationship.
The other day, I watched an advertisement video about a cervical cap called Femcap. A pro-life Wiccan was posting on her page about how hard it was for her to find this device, and I got curious about it. As I watched the informational video, I was amazed at how much there was to think about than I had ever taken into account.
Recently, I finally set up a profile on a dating site that actually had people on it who believe as I do, where my biggest bottom line requirement in a mate is likely to be met.
It is a Catholic dating site, and one of the questions I answer when I make the profile is "Do you accept the church's teaching on contraception?"
I said yes to 4 of the 7 faith questions asked, including that one. Most of the people I have seen that I had any interest in whatsoever said yes either to every question, or to every question EXCEPT the one on contraception.
It made me think about the fact that such a decision has to be agreed upon by two people, and that made me think about how far-reaching a disagreement on that issue would be. I wondered if I would be willing to change my position on that if it would make or break an otherwise promising relationship...
I am not sure. This makes me think I am not that sure about contraception, though I certainly would not be willing to use IUDs or any hormones. I am pretty sure I would not be interested in using Femcap or any other such equipment either, but then again, I am not 100% sure.
The point is, I always thanked heaven I did not have to worry about any of this stuff, and thought how over-complicated people made their lives and our whole society by living promiscuously. I still feel that way, but I realize that marriage still raises some of the same issues. It would seem that, even though I and anyone I would be remotely interested in dating would be waiting for marriage before doing anything, looking for a marriage partner means I need to understand where my and a potential other's bottom lines are.
Being single I can say "This is what I think, I feel such and such way about it, and I am going to proceed accordingly."ALWAYS.
If I am not single, I will have to take another's thoughts and feelings into account on so many things its just crazy. For the first time, that does not completely turn me off on romantic relationships. Part of it is because I do not think of a husband as like a superior officer in the military or something and you must do what he says and talk up to him all the time and ask permission to even give a contradicting opinion. THAT made me want to run like the devil was chasing me from any kind of romantic connection. Changing that also means I have to think more about what I really believe and what is important to me and what I am comfortable with in all sorts of ways. This is a pretty awesome new adventure, leading to so much self-discovery already, and I haven't even said "Hi," to anyone yet!
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