Letting Go Of Old Lies

In 2004 or 2005, I was going to a church that was becoming a cult. In a prayer line one day, this lady who I had gone to Sunday school with and who allegedly had a very strong "prophetic" ability told me something about my needing to be able to handle I don't remember what by myself, because there would be times when there will be no one there to help me. I had issues already with trying to do it all myself and carry the world on my head. I had been taught that the way you can tell if something like that is right is if it confirms something you already have inside you. That is not a good way to discern spirits! There were many other things she said, things she prayed for and asked for me that I had not asked her to pray for but that I really did want and need. She prayed for my family, she prayed for my dreams that I had written in a journal and never shared with a soul. There is indeed no way she could have known all that about me, we didn't hang out and I never told her or anyone who could have told her, I don't think. That doesn't mean it was God. I believe now that it was the devil. Absolutely, positively sure it was the devil.

Hit my head and had no one to take me to the doctor for hours and hours. Only had one friend locally, and 2 local acquaintances who were all either working or in bed. Isolating too much.

That was a self-fulfilling prophecy, unfortunately. As I have gotten healthier, my circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller. Unhealthy relationships have been ended, but new ones have not started. I've been increasingly self-sufficient and even more reluctant to reach out than before. Many times I know I have consciously chosen not to reach out and had that "prophecy" in my mind as the reason or justification or whatever. Not anymore.

After what I went through this morning in the depth of winter with my right foot out of commission and my head bleeding like a stuck pig and having to wear shorts in the freezing cold because I can't pull my pants over the boot, and finding the truck door froze shut and dropping the phone in the snow and all being in pain from the cold on my hands and the bump on my head and the recent surgery on my foot, crawling down the steps with bare knees on snow and ice, unable to clear the wind shield myself so I had to let it warm up until the ice thawed, man I tell you I am done. I am done feeling like I need to be stronger and learn to do it on my own in case I gotta, because sometimes it results in my having to do it alone when maybe I wouldn't otherwise. This kind of crap is not God's will for anyone's life and it doesn't make you stronger necessarily, it breaks you down over time. I have been asking myself lately when it is going to be enough, when I will have "done it myself" enough already. Today was it. Today, I got pushed over the edge and am so done with trying so often to do everything on my own. I had a feeling I would find that point, to be able to root out and change this pattern, while on medical leave with foot surgery. Apparently my gut feeling was right.

So in spite of the pain and misery of today, I am happy to have gotten a breakthrough out of it, if indeed that is what I have done. I think I have written stuff like  this before, but I did not confront that "prophecy" as a falsehood and tried to "balance" that message and just not take it so far. You can't work a lie into your balance in life, period. As long as you believe it, it will mess you up.

I told God I forgive that lady for that fake prophecy and asked God to forgive her too, and help her break loose of what is using her like that. I also ask God to forgive me, for believing it so long when I realize He has tried to tell me, many times, to let that belief go. Today, through many tears, I did.

What's holding you back? At what point will you be willing to let the lie(s) go?

Stuff to prayerfully think about.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star