About Me

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Welcome to my humble abode. Feel free to sit down a while and warm yourself by my fire. I write here mainly to inspire, encourage, perhaps confront, to empower, and to change. If you leave with a lighter step, an answer to a question, really questioning long held ideas that may not be taking you where you need to go, or with a lot of new things to consider, I will have done my job. Please enjoy your stay. With love, ~Mother Star

Monday, January 15, 2018

Challenged in Faith - by a Pagan

Most of you who have read my blog don't know how much I sometimes struggle in my faith, and its always because I see other Christians and often myself, living what we believe less than people who don't follow Jesus.
I've been pro-life all my life. I've changed and even reversed my opinion on all kinds of things, I am now more left than right wing but no one has been able to offer anything that could really challenge my pro-life stance. I've definitely met Christian women who worked in crisis pregnancy centers who worked for peanuts because they cared so much. I can't say I have ever met one quite like this though. This Wiccan priestess is trying so hard to help women and be the support they need and prevent loss of life through abortion, people can call her at 3 in the morning. She cries for the ones that die and for their families, but as much as she's grieved what they did, she doesn't condemn them. Her video is worth watching.

Stargift Tarakasha: Pagan Pro-life Advocate
photo from her facebook page.

I was also deeply challenged in my faith a few years ago by reading "The Sacred Ways of Lakota" by a shaman named Wallace Black Elk. I saw how much faith he had. He had no doubt in his mind whatsoever that his spirits (not his gods, he believed he had to communicate with spirits that aren't god as part of living his belief in only one god.) could and would do things I would have hesitated to pray about. I saw my own grandmother get out of a wheel chair and stand in front of a small, and not at all publicized congregation in a small town in southern MI, and give glory to God for letting her walk again.Yet I would hesitate to do what he did when a child was sick in the hospital somewhere and he had to travel a long way to get them there. The skepticism of the doctors was no problem for him, he didn't fear that their doubt would prevent the child's healing. It was very solid and very clear in his mind that his view of the world and the spirit realm was real and had real impact. The way he talked about it, how odd he found it that the doctors couldn't just say what happened and they were wondering what on earth to put in their report and they were so upset about what to say, (he didn't realize, I don't think, that if they described what happened in that meeting and how the boy's symptoms disappeared, that they could and probably would have lost their jobs) I don't think he was lying about it. However, he also had to decide, every time he went on a retreat to grow in his faith that he went there to die because he never knew for sure if he would come back. He had to have faith that if the spirits killed him, which he well knew they might, that it was the right thing! Now, I believe the enemy comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy. I may have to, and I have, had to make decisions where I wasn't sure I would survive if I did the right thing, I had to trust God to save me. However, coming to Jesus in worship does not carry with it the serious threat that I might die, that Creator might choose to kill me for some higher, inscrutable reason. I'm not planning to convert to Lakota religion any time soon.



I am challenged by someone in a band that has joined my favorites list. He is a warlock of the unabashedly dark variety. He and his long time live-in girlfriend have a company called "Sheer Faith" an art company. "You need some artwork done? call us!" They don't work for someone else, they have taken a leap of faith and started this thing to support themselves and 2 kids in one of the most expensive countries in the world to live in, the UK. They're doing all right. I would love to do something like that, but do I have the faith and the courage? I have been known to have a lot of courage about lots of things, but I have all I can do to draw a cartoon I really want to draw and submit to an ezine that I know will not even pay anything. I'm trying to get myself to do that now. A lot of that is lack of confidence, despite being told I have the talent and wanting to, and believing in God, I still struggle with belief that I can't. If I can't do anything I am good at and like and feel like I am put here to do, then who failed? If I really can't, no matter what I do, then did I fail or my Creator? Yet, I feel it that way, and I am going to have to fight it. If the enemy can do what those who seek dark spirits say they can do and give as reason for believing and following,  than Our Creator can do far more, and it is through faith that destiny must be fulfilled. If I wish to be a light in the darkness, I find often that those who follow darkness set a pretty high standard. I have to pray I will be able to rise above even that. It can't be by my own power, but I do have to choose to believe, choose to follow, and choose to let Creator take me where I need to go.



This is my challenge, and this is your challenge, too. What do you choose to do? I cannot stay like this, and cannot be reaching for status quo. I have seen demons cast out and frankly I have had them cast out of me. I know the power of my God is greater. No more excuses, by God's grace I have to start believing more than I ever have. Quite frankly, so do you.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star.

Monday, January 8, 2018

The Archangel Michael

It took me months to sit down and process it, but I had an interesting spiritual experience a few months ago. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but it was as real as I am sitting here now.
I was experimenting with asking the intercession of St. Michael, I've been Catholic for 2.5 years and have still hardly ever done stuff like that. I had just read how Pope Francis and Benedict XVI recently consecrated the Vatican to St. Michael due to the corruption and other things they were dealing with, and there was a thing at the end telling how to do that.

There's a huge terminology problem here, because consecrating stuff to St. Micheal or any other saint is not giving it to them like you consecrate and give something to God, i.e. an act of worship. It's more like when these missionaries came to another church I went to years ago and asked people to commit to being their "prayer cover" (protestant terminology) because they were going from the Northern edge of Mexico to the Southern end of South America by land and that is very dangerous. They came close to dying a bunch of times but never did and many times it was a miracle they did not. I was part of their prayer cover. It was more extreme than "Yea, I'll pray for you guys." It was a commitment. We understood that our vigilant intercession could and would make a difference between life and death for these people we knew, and between salvation and damnation health or sickness and maybe life and death for those they ministered to along the way. That's what patron saints do, its like prayer cover." We were sort of taking it as our job to take care of that. Also, if we were going to "pray in agreement" about something and place it in the hands of Creator to take care of, which is something we sometimes used to do, that's another part of what consecrating to saints does. When we did that, it wasn't like, "God, please do this, that, and that, or fix this," it was "God, this is nothing but a mess, I have no idea what to do or to specifically ask You to do, take this God, it's all Yours."An individual could give a situation totally over to Creator by themselves and people do so, but when people prayed in agreement with them about it, it was thought to be more powerful and did seem to be. When you "turn the whole thing over to God" (consecrate it, but in some Protestant terminology) "praying in agreement" (more Protestant terminology,) with a minister or someone else, then you are giving it to The Creator "through the intercession of" (Catholic terminology) those people, as well as through your own prayer. Saints entire job in the church is intercession now, they can't get distracted or fall asleep and forget, and its hard to have more faith and less doubt than someone in Heaven. Their prayers are extremely powerful. Some folks on earth have very strong faith and everybody wants them to pray because when they do, "mountains move". Saints are even are more so. I have discovered that lately myself. Catholics say "Consecrating it to a Saint is consecrating it to God through their intercession" and Protestants think you are making them idols when they probably do the same kinds of things with living people and just don't call it that. We get thrown off by terminology. I've been working on researching this for weeks now, because I was confused by the terminology and by the terminology used to explain it! I finally got it straightened out. Finally. Ok, got that explanation out of the way...


Consecration to St. Micheal is something I was drawn to and have studied and wrestled with intellectually for a little while. Originally, I had a video here, where the concept of "consecration to saints" was introduced to me. The practice is a Catholic practice as described above, but the video was off base. A priest told me that, "'Keep the prayer running in the background, experience His abiding presence,' is not acceptable and smacks of superstition. We don't believe in spinning the prayer wheels of Bhuddist monks." Other things in the video were also unacceptable, and there were things that I was disturbed about too. I have removed and replaced it with this picture of a cool tattoo! 

While I was saying the ready-made part of the Consecration to St. Micheal, I really meant it fervently and then when it came time to state my intention (the thing I was "consecrating to St. Micheal," see above paragraph), my head was swimming with hard-line anti-Catholic rhetoric I'd had drilled into me in the past. My head was so full of doubts and questions about the validity, efficacy and even morality of what I was doing that it was hard to even do it. I think it was a spiritual attack, because not long after I finally finished it, I felt The Presence come very strongly into my room. Now, I don't know if you all know what the kabod is, or have heard the word. Its Hebrew, and it refers to the weighty glory of Creator. I have felt that before. I've been places where it was so strong it knocked the ministers to the ground and much of the congregation, which sounds terrible but it was actually fun, it didn't hurt at all, it was great, but you just couldn't stand up in it. 2 Chron 5:13-14 tells a story of something like that, except with kabod there is no cloud. The cloud is the shekinahKabod is the sense of heaviness or weight, the tangible or almost-tangible Presence. It's awesome, and that's what came in my room. It shocked me, I hadn't expected it.

There were two presences in my room, one much like an echo of the other, a much lesser version but still so much like the Presence of Creator. I was flabbergasted and I can't say how I knew, but I knew that it was St. Michael. I did not hear anything with my ears or see anything with my eyes, but I got just as clearly as if I had, I got the message "I'm here! I'm here! I heard you! What's wrong? What do you need?" They were like fire. The intensity and the passion I could sense from both were incredible. The other big difference was St. Michael did not know the answer to those questions, I was able to discern that very clearly. I think the Holy Spirit allows us to experience things like this and through the Holy Spirit we are spiritually able to "hear" each other in cases like this and pick up on what's happening.

Anyway, my head was full of warnings from a sometimes hard-line Protestant past that I must not worship angels, that I needed to make sure all my devotion was directed to Creator, and "keep my focus on God alone," etc.I kept saying "Thank You, God, for this," and "Thank You, God, for that." That was fine but I began to have a feeling something was off somewhere in my prayers, that something wasn't quite on target for what Creator desired from me at the moment. I was almost painfully aware of St. Micheal and avoided speaking to him or even looking in the direction I felt him standing. Or towering, whatever. It's like the Presence of the Almighty, except so much smaller and where Creator's Presence surrounds and envelops you and is limitless and even goes through you, St. Michael was there like the table is there. You know where it is but it's in just one spot, nearby you. That's how it was for me anyway. After a minute or less, I think, it started to feel awkward, feeling someone there so strong and not letting yourself acknowledge them. I started to feel convicted by the Creator, so I just tried even harder to ignore the angel in my bedroom. I started to sense that St. Micheal was getting put out, which is a hair-raising thing to pick up on even if you know he won't hurt you. I think its because Creator wasn't getting what Creator wanted. I just got quiet inside and out, and I waited to hear what I should be doing that I wasn't. Creator said, "I didn't bring him here, like this, for you to ignore him! He is going to stand right there until you say something to him!" I felt tongue-tied and didn't know what to say.

Obviously, I didn't see this standing in my room. I sensed a presence strong enough to equal seeing. This is the closest I could find to express what he felt like to me. Of course, that doesn't mean the other pictures are "wrong".

I get tongue-tied anyway, with people. I guess St. Micheal hadn't been so completely real to me before and I was half-way taking a shot in the dark when I had consecrated some people I really cared about, who the devil was wreaking all sorts of havoc on, to St. Micheal. When I could feel him standing there and knew he was paying attention I just couldn't do it. He was unfamiliar to me. I'm that way with people too, initially. I struggled for something to say, much like I do with other people sometimes - except I think this was worse... Finally, I just thanked the Creator for Their Presence, for the wonderful experience I was having, and for St. Micheal, i.e. I started in my comfort zone and worked my way into what Creator wanted me to do. I said, "and, St. Micheal, uh... um .... thank you for being here." I hadn't realized how much this gift from the Creator did for me emotionally until I thanked St. Micheal for coming. I picked up very, very strong waves of surprise, perplexity, and bafflement from St. Micheal. I was embarrassed, but I felt Creator surround me in Their Presence like a cloud, again I didn't see anything, it was almost tangible like a hug. I could feel the Holy Spirit say that what I said was OK; it was the best I could do, it was obedience, and it was totally sincere. St. Micheal, a created being, didn't understand that but the Creator did.
We as humans, made in the image of Creator, can empathize as They do, share sorrow and burdens as They do, love and feel connected and share in a feeling and be blessed by each other as They do. Our bodies and brains and psyches are made to work in unison with our spirits and with Creator's Spirit like that. St. Micheal is a created being and is holy, unfallen and of heaven, but apparently his love doesn't work quite like that. There was passion and concern in the "What do you need? I heard you, I'm here!" I got initially, but apparently the way we do love and empathize doesn't work for him. He's something else. He was expecting me to give him something to do. That's how he does love I guess.
While I was weeping in the heavy presence of my Creator, I could sense that the angel was at peace seeing that Creator was satisfied, but was perplexed in an interested and inquisitive sort of way. He was not able to share in something like that, but was interested in how we can connect like that with our God. I deliberately turned my mind away from Micheal and focused on Creator because that was as much entertaining of angels and communing with saints as this Protestant convert could take in a day. I sensed Creator letting him know he was dismissed and he was surprised, I think still expecting to receive orders, not merely to stand there with me for a minute. Then it was like a veil or door shut and I could not feel or sense him anymore, I just caught that his attention was on something else now and he was going to deal with it as the door "shut". Back in my comfort zone again, I guess, just me and my Creator.

I know this is Creator's way of explaining to me that this whole Saints thing is ok, despite whatever I had been taught all my life. Obviously, it's hard for me to adjust to, it was uncomfortable that night, but it was still glorious. I've been trying to learn about relationships with saints since then, and about different kinds of "devotions" to saints, what it is about and how it works. I absolutely hate that terminology, "devotions to saints" because it sounds like you worship them, or in Protestant terminology that is what it seems to refer to, even though I know now that it isn't that. It confuses me to talk about it like that, but I don't have a replacement word right now. We as the Church (the whole church, not just Catholics) are going to have to communicate better or we are never going to be able to become One. We as Catholics ought to find some alternative terms to convey these things to Protestants, or even to each other, to eliminate such confusion and accusations flying around. But right now at least I have my clarification I needed. Intercession of saints is another wonderful thing stuffy people I grew up with didn't think I should ever have or do, I guess, like the best music and the coolest clothes and nearly everything else associated with my vocation in this life...

I will post another blog on what I learned from that experience because there is way too much for one post, but for now, let this be enough.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Sunday, January 7, 2018

An Example of Lay Person Using Christ's Power Over the Devil

When I hear Catholic exorcists describe their experiences, frankly they sound far less potent than what I am used to. I think that they have power and good things, and i know protestants have some areas they need to get their act together. but when exorcists talk about going through session after session to get rid of demons, and about possibly getting hurt, and at times the person they are seeking deliverance for has died from the strain, based on my experience, they still need to work on it. The devil has no power over a believer that they/we don't let em have. I mean, the devil has no power over us if we are in the state of grace. None. Other people, that is another story. If they are under the devil's power, fighting the power of the devil will help then too, but if they do what they do of themselves, well, that's different.

One night, I was pretty much homeless (I've had a hard road most of my life... been extremely poor until this past 18 months or so) I was walking in Wicker Park in Chicago at night. I got lost. I found myself in an area with few street lights. I was passing a spot with many parking lots and some dude on crack or some such "upper" saw me and started screaming at the top of his lungs, "I want some p***y! I want some p***y!" there was no one else around. I was exhausted but I started trying to run away. That guy moved like greased lightening, i think because of the chemicals. There was no where for me to go, no way I could fight, nobody there to help me.

I started saying, "Oh God, Oh God! Help me!" and the Spirit brought to mind the teaching I had, that all temptation comes form the devil, and that people under the influence of those chemicals can't fight it. that I need to "speak to the mountain" not sit there and ask god to move the mountain but to speak to it in his name. so with ragged breath and barely loud enough to her myself I commanded the demons influencing that man to stop, told them they had no power over me, that my body was the temple the holy spirit and any that would defile it would be destroyed (all things from the bible, of course, "sola scriptura", back then), and that they must get AWAY from me right now and stay away in the name of Jesus. I was afraid to look behind me. after a moment i did look anyway. I saw no one. NO one. He was fast but not fast enough to disappear, to reach a building or a tree amid those big lawns and parking lots at that intersection... Nevertheless,he was gone. He must have been moved by something supernatural. He had to have been. A verse came to mind as stared in disbelief at the empty parking lots and lawns and streets, Deuteronomy 28:7 "The Lord shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways." That is what I mean when I say "It does work."


I believe that the man was under enough demonic power that when they had to flee from me, they took him along. If you are on the streets you will see a lot of demonic activity. Probably more than you'd even believe. That's where I encountered most of it. These weapons of spiritual war are how did not ever get raped through all that time of either the street, or more often low income neighborhood living by myself with no car and having to be outside on foot to get places even at night, and its also why I am still alive at all despite never carrying a gun. I know who my real enemy is, and I don't need a fist or gun to defeat em. a fist or gun wouldn't work anyway. Only the cross.



Godspeed

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Letting Go Of Old Lies

In 2004 or 2005, I was going to a church that was becoming a cult. In a prayer line one day, this lady who I had gone to Sunday school with and who allegedly had a very strong "prophetic" ability told me something about my needing to be able to handle I don't remember what by myself, because there would be times when there will be no one there to help me. I had issues already with trying to do it all myself and carry the world on my head. I had been taught that the way you can tell if something like that is right is if it confirms something you already have inside you. That is not a good way to discern spirits! There were many other things she said, things she prayed for and asked for me that I had not asked her to pray for but that I really did want and need. She prayed for my family, she prayed for my dreams that I had written in a journal and never shared with a soul. There is indeed no way she could have known all that about me, we didn't hang out and I never told her or anyone who could have told her, I don't think. That doesn't mean it was God. I believe now that it was the devil. Absolutely, positively sure it was the devil.
Hit my head and had no one to take me to the doctor for hours and hours. Only had one friend locally, and 2 local acquaintances who were all either working or in bed. Isolating too much.

That was a self-fulfilling prophecy, unfortunately. As I have gotten healthier, my circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller. Unhealthy relationships have been ended, but new ones have not started. I've been increasingly self-sufficient and even more reluctant to reach out than before. Many times I know I have consciously chosen not to reach out and had that "prophecy" in my mind as the reason or justification or whatever. Not anymore.
After what I went through this morning in the depth of winter with my right foot out of commission and my head bleeding like a stuck pig and having to wear shorts in the freezing cold because I can't pull my pants over the boot, and finding the truck door froze shut and dropping the phone in the snow and all being in pain from the cold on my hands and the bump on my head and the recent surgery on my foot, crawling down the steps with bare knees on snow and ice, unable to clear the wind shield myself so I had to let it warm up until the ice thawed, man I tell you I am done. I am done feeling like I need to be stronger and learn to do it on my own in case I gotta, because sometimes it results in my having to do it alone when maybe I wouldn't otherwise. This kind of crap is not God's will for anyone's life and it doesn't make you stronger necessarily, it breaks you down over time. I have been asking myself lately when it is going to be enough, when I will have "done it myself" enough already. Today was it. Today, I got pushed over the edge and am so done with trying so often to do everything on my own. I had a feeling I would find that point, to be able to root out and change this pattern, while on medical leave with foot surgery. Apparently my gut feeling was right.
So in spite of the pain and misery of today, I am happy to have gotten a breakthrough out of it, if indeed that is what I have done. I think I have written stuff like  this before, but I did not confront that "prophecy" as a falsehood and tried to "balance" that message and just not take it so far. You can't work a lie into your balance in life, period. As long as you believe it, it will mess you up.
I told God I forgive that lady for that fake prophecy and asked God to forgive her too, and help her break loose of what is using her like that. I also ask God to forgive me, for believing it so long when I realize He has tried to tell me, many times, to let that belief go. Today, through many tears, I did.

What's holding you back? At what point will you be willing to let the lie(s) go?
Stuff to prayerfully think about.

Godspeed.

~Mother Star

Saturday, December 23, 2017

On Relationships with Patron Saints

I used to be afraid to do the catholic thing of developing relationship of sorts with saints, it sounded creepy and I feared I'd just go nuts thinking I was doing that and really just be getting really weird in my head. Well, it hasn't done me any good to be cooped up and refusing to do that, because I just get a head full of stuff I don't always want there that is not productive. So, doing what verifiable sane people all over the world and through the ages have done, I am, since I'm stuck by myself so much anyway, learning about how people on earth relate to saints. It's very new to me, but what little I have dabbled, so far it's been very good.
A brief testimony of my experience this month already, havingjust started to actually try tand pursue this: I had, I admit, an awful struggle with lust in my head since I've been so cooped up by myself this past week and a half. I've been out of commission with foot surgery since the 13th, and have barely been out since. I have very few friends nearby, as I am pretty much a hermit otherwise anyway. My patron saint, the one I took my confirmation name for, is Teresa of Avila. So, I looked up some patron saint stuff, and I asked her to please pray for me since I know as a Carmelite nun she spent a tremendous amount of time alone. From reading her stuff I know she knew she would have been kind of a hoochie momma instead of a nun were it not for the grace of God, and she was a total flirt when she was "single". She struggled with that a lot for many years of her life even well into her time as a Carmelite, with temptations and thoughts that she didn't feel she should have, and with being a temptress or a flirt when she was around guys a lot. The details are different, but the situation is similar enough so I asked her to pray for me please.

St. Teresa of Avila, a.k.a. Teresa of Jesus
My patron Saint.

I must say, the answer to those prayers came pretty darn fast! It's been a lot better since even a few minutes later, and getting better still. I have gotten enough energy and a regular enough sleep schedule (though not the one I want) to get things done in my room. I looked up how to do laundry by hand and have gotten some done already. Plus dishes and putting away things that haven't got put away. I crawled of course, but knees somehow could take it.I made a to do list for the week, and the weekend and the day, and have really been knocking stuff out. she was a work horse too, like I usually am. So Thank you, Teresa of Jesus, for the prayers that avail so much. Godspeed.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Reflections on Intolerance, 10 Years After Sophie Lancaster's Murder


With the 10-year anniversary of Sophie Lancaster’s murder passing this week, the crime and its motive is drawing attention again from some.
After hearing of the crime, I started shouting from the rooftops about things that, while not exactly violent, were nevertheless extreme and which I had, at that point, pretty much kept my mouth shut about for 5 or 6 years.

Its not as bad as it used to be, but people don’t realize how intense and irrational so many people get over something or someone different, especially appearing different.



This crime shook the entire Goth community around the world, and aparently shook all of England too. The attention unfortunately made it harder for Rob to heal, but it resonated so much and scared so many people, to realise that "lookism" really can get this bad. 

It should work the opposite way, but unfortunately, professing Christians tend to be worse than most. Friends of mine have had objects thrown at them by adults yelling things like, “Mother F****** devils!” or “You’re going to hell!” The people who killed Sophie Lancaster were not professing Christians, which almost seems like an anomoly, actually.  I’ve definitely had my share of crap, not as much having things thrown at me that many times, but quite significantly worse.

Pretty much run away and homeless at 19, some people from a church who really did care about me thought it would be a good idea to put me in a faith-based drug rehab.
I wasn’t on drugs. I had not, and have not, ever taken drugs in my life and I told them so, but I’ve spent a year in a drug rehab anyway. I was told that the people in there were just like me, except I wasn’t on drugs. I got so I actually believed that too, for a long time. It wasn't true at all, Ihad issues, I had run away for a reason, but I wasn't like the girls in there, I was very much the opposite instead. That's what people around me believed though, and I came to agree, so I went.
I was the only goth in the drug rehab the whole time I was there. The top guy in the faith-based drug rehab that knew I had never taken drugs decided, after 9 months, that I wasn’t making enough progress. I don't know what progress would even have looked like, really, I don't remember. So, without even as much training for such things as their counselors had (they did not have actual counselors, they had “biblical counseling” which requires basically no training in psych whatsoever), he decided to take over counseling me himself. He said he knew I really had a heart for God but for some reason I wasn’t progressing well, so he was going to renew my mind for me. Seriously.
So I had to keep a journal and “track my thoughts” throughout the day and let him read it and tell me what to do different, sort of interrogating me like a movie lawyer about stuff. Leaving wasn't really an option as far as I knew, I had nowhere to go. They of course weren't going to help with "re-entry" unless I finished, either.
Long story short, they found a place for me to stay for 2 or 3 months at an A.G. Bible school when I finally finished their “program” (I guess it really did help some people. Drug addicts and career criminals got their lives turned around sometimes by the ferocious “tough love” and rigid control in there, but I sure didn’t. This mess I dealt with wasn't their typical thing though. I was different).
The folks at the bible school gave me a welcome basket and a piece of paper to fill out, just to get to know me better. It asked questions like my favorite food or favorite movie, favorite color, likes and dislikes, pet peeves etc. The only questions I could answer were my name and birthday. I honestly didn’t know myself anymore, at all. I doubted my memories, especially the most awful ones, I didn’t know what I really thought or how I really felt about anything. I had learned that anger was always a sign of a “personal right” that I had not given up to God and that I needed to identify that idea of a personal right and give it up to God and repent if I ever felt angry, and that most everything I liked or was interested in wasn’t really my interest but Satan had told me it was and I had believed him. Black couldn’t possibly be my favorite color, I didn’t really like bats, I didn’t really like . . . anything. I may not really have been abused, I didn’t really…
I truly could not sort out answers to those very simple questions. I realized then what had been done to me. I’d been brainwashed or mind-wiped or something.
I had to believe that the God who made me would be able to put me back together. He can, and He’s still doing it. Of course I have to do my part too.



The song seems very fitting for the topic here, it's just how it is when you must get through something like this. I don't know what happened to the singer to make him feel like this, but he sums it all up quite well.

In that awful place, a totally well-meaning and oblivious ex-priest with a theology degree came and talked to us a few times. He had left the A.G. church and went back to Catholicism, but was married instead of being a priest. What he said was just amazing and inspiring. My saintly maternal grandmother was also Catholic and I had one of her rosaries. I didn’t know how to use it, but it did seem to ground me and make me feel closer to her and to God. I forgot it in the prayer closet one time. Someone threw it away. Everyone knew I had it and several gave me crap for it, but I wouldn’t relinquish it. Somebody did it for me, though. I never forgot. The anti-Catholic prejudice from everyone but maybe two people there made me more drawn to Catholicism than I even was before. It was 12 years before I became Catholic, though.
I got into a cult when I got out and upon realizing it, left again and ultimately ended up working with the “Christian Goth” community in Central IL. Of course I believe you can be a Christian goth, but I’m not real sure anymore about organizing as such. . . After I got out of all affiliations with organizations claiming to be Christian goth organizations or churches or whatever, I came to the Catholic church. I was always told about how controlling they were. LOL! I remember thinking, “They can’t be any worse than I’ve already been through!”
For the most part they are nowhere near as bad. Some other churches I’ve been to like to do laying on of hands for everything, its just over the top, but they wouldn’t touch me. They’d hold their hands toward me and keep at least a few inches of space between me and them, but everyone else got actual contact. In RCIA, when I couldn’t take communion yet, I went down for communion with my arms crossed over my chest, like in a coffin. That’s the code for “I’m not Catholic,” and they won’t give you communion, they will give you a blessing instead. Fr. John drew a cross on my forehead and never recoiled, no matter what I had on. He didn’t seem to think I might spiritually contaminate him if he did that, like the Protestant charismatics and Pentecostals so often did/do to subculture people and to Goths in particular. The first time I did not go to C-stone or Audiofeed festivals to hang out in the goth tent, I went on a pilgrimage with my parish to the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Springfield, IL. I was the only goth in the place, I totally stuck out like a sore thumb, but you can’t even tell that in the group picture. I didn’t get any mistreatment either, a few people at the cathedral did very minute double-takes but that was all, I was treated the same as everyone else.

I'm the 6th from the left on the bottom. I don't get the impression of being a square peg in a round hole from this photograph.

I still have problems from the unfortunate experience in the drug rehab I went to for a drug problem I did not have, though it's nowhere near as bad as it once was. I.  can relate somewhat to Rob Maltby’s depression and anxiety, becoming a recluse, and struggling to get on with his life. It’s been a muddy uphill battle for me too for about … well for about 15 plus years at this point. Not without gains, but its one of those things like, the further you go the further you see that you need to go.

I know I can never imagine what its like to lose someone you expect to be your life partner so suddenly, so violently, and then have no privacy due to media attention and not have a decent opportunity to heal. I can’t imagine how difficult this time must be. I definitely pray for him and for others who have endured particularly extreme attacks for being different, and especially for looking different. I pray for tolerance everywhere and especially for the church - the whole church - to come out of the grip of whatever unholy influences drive this kind of behavior. I pray for an end to violence, and an end to intolerance, and an end to foolish stereotypes. I hope any who read this will pray too.

Godspeed.
~Mother Star






Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Today's Worthwhile News Breaking: Westboro Baptitst Church founder's Daughter Goes Pro LGBT.

I was just talking to an elderly friend about polarization and pride in the church and politics earlier today.

My understanding is, the Westboro Baptist Church founder's daughter is pro LGBT now, because she began to see the evil that they did and the cruelty and inconsistency in their teachings. The worst part is, being taught about sexual morality from the likes of them will probably make it harder for her to ever see the truth right. There is always hope, but we really need to pray for her.



I did not watch the TED talk she did, but I read a synopsis someone posted in a group. I agree with the problems she's pointed out, and that gentleness is the way to solve most and maybe all of our problems. I also note however, that Adolph Hitler probably believed that 2+2 is 4. that doesn't make 2+2 something other than 4. Even if people are really really terrible, it doesn't mean EVERYTHING they believe is wrong. Something being delivered the way out of balance and completely the wrong way wrong way doesn't make it all wrong.

Something being handled the right way doesn't make it right, either.
People instinctively and unconsciously begin to adopt the mindsets and views of those who love them, who they depend on and have relationship with. she did it growing up, and she has done it as an adult because she is human. People reaching out to you doesn't guarantee that they are right in their views or their lifestyle or their interpretations, though.

 The only bad part is, if she is now doctrinally in favor of homosexuality, this is not going to do that much to remove the polarization, because it still reinforces the notion that to be gentle and listen (like James 1:5 clearly says to do) is equal to starting to justify sin. I've always said that nobody did more to advance the LGBT movement than Westboro Baptist Church. The older ones in the lgbt movement didn't think they'd live to see gay marriage be legal, I've read. Without WBC, I really doubt they would have. WBC makes some type of martyrs out of just about everybody, because they're so extremely mean. Evidently, the effects reach to the founders own children.

We need people who stick to their values *consistently* and humbly, and deliver it the right way. The enemy isn't going to work as hard to get people who do inadvertently justify sin to discredit themselves through bad behavior; he has something to gain if they don't. If they flip out just enough to provoke people who don't, and soften us up for his assaults on *our* conscience and character, then he is in ship shape. The people who justify sin start doing it with a good attitude, and the people who should be the balancing force go all unbalanced and off the deeper end. meanwhile the whole ship sinks that everybody of any philosophical position is on.

A nice big disaster for him.

We gotta break that pattern, like now. God, please send correction to your church, let her learn the lesson that this multi-faceted spiritual tragedy
teaches. Please let us all see the light and find the right way somehow.

Amen.

~Mother Star.
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