Do I need to wait until I recover from this and have my chemicals balanced out before looking for a mate?
I was thinking probably yes. Who will want to put up with the condition I am in? In addition, I wonder how I would handle temptation in the condition I am in too. I read in a book, This is Your Brain on Love, that of all mental health disorders, depression destroys more relationships than anything else.
However, I am now talking to someone who I found on a dating site.
I find that it has lifted my spirits a bit. It is almost like I needed something to fight for.
I have been fighting for my dreams for so long, in what has often seemed like a losing battle.
There is nothing romantic in our conversations at this point, but we are both on that site being very open to that possibility. Both of us are wise enough to start out looking for a friend, then consider whether we want there to be anything else. Just the slight possibility of romance makes me want to keep fighting, to be sure I am "ready" when and if the time comes to actually officially start dating anybody, like to actually go on a date...
I know of one person with major depression who is happily married, and his marriage seems to help his condition. He is doing what makes him happy in life and pursuing the destiny God has for him. He stills suffers bouts of recurring depression, but he gets through it, and I guess knows he will get through it, partly because of the blessings of God in his life such as his wife.
Obviously, she loved him in spite of his condition, and is able to stay with him in spite of his periodic problems without becoming depressed herself.
For me, the ball is now rolling to be able to get some medication soon. Perhaps I will get better after all, at some point. I just hope I don't need the stuff forever.
So I guess what I wonder is how far I can go before I am rid of this problem. I wonder how much I should hold back and wait for, if anything. I also kind of fear I may never fully be rid of it, that it will always be there ready to return and take me down, or that it will never fully go away at all.
What will that mean for my dreams? Perhaps it is still possible to live them; at worst, I guess I would not always be able to enjoy it so much. That still seems rather like a nightmare though...
I guess time will tell how I will respond to treatment and whether I will be cured or not. I hope to have good news and a testimony on that at some point. God, help me; we shall see.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star
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